1
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,799
Welcome to Celebrating life in
Recovery. I'm Cheri, your host.

2
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,359
Today we'll look at how
messed up we can get

3
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,959
and exactly what do we need
to restore us the sanity.

4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,780
Come join us.
This is an incredible show.

5
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,819
In the book " Steps to Christ"

6
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:53,904
the second chapter starts out
with the statement that says,

7
00:00:53,905 --> 00:00:57,004
"Man was originally endowed
with noble powers

8
00:00:57,005 --> 00:00:59,259
and a well balanced mind."

9
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,659
And I think of myself
and the people I know,

10
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:03,269
I think "What happened?"

11
00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:05,874
And I want to say just
kidding, but I'm serious,

12
00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:06,959
what happened?

13
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,949
I read the newspapers and
we are anything but balanced.

14
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:15,149
I try to deal with my own
recovery and try to figure out

15
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:19,099
how to walk in recovering
those kind of things.

16
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,199
And I'm watching movies

17
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,424
and the movies are kind
of about my own lifestyle

18
00:01:22,425 --> 00:01:24,584
most of the time, and I
don't want to watch them,

19
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,084
and all that kind of stuff.

20
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,479
And I ask God, I'm praying,

21
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,599
"God O.K, what can I watch?"

22
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:34,930
And He says, "Anything that's
not dark, with dark themes."

23
00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:37,774
And I'm thinking, I turned
on a commercial and I said,

24
00:01:37,775 --> 00:01:39,619
"Oh, can't watch that."

25
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,929
And I haven't even got
to the movie yet.

26
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:45,289
This show is called
"Powerless without Jesus".

27
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:46,829
Will cover how to heal,

28
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:50,429
how to allow God to restore
us the sanity, fill us with joy

29
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:53,174
I'd like to introduce you to
the people that are at the cafe.

30
00:01:53,175 --> 00:01:56,569
We've got Brenda Stoeker,
and Brenda I love you.

31
00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:58,964
We're going to talk to
you some time today.

32
00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,029
And Fred Stoeker.

33
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:03,309
You have helped me to heal in
ways that you don't even know.

34
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:07,509
We've got the pastor and his
wife, Richard, Annette, Curly.

35
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:12,680
I'm blessed by you and I
want to tell some stories

36
00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:14,624
about when we first met too.

37
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:15,349
And Pam.

38
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:19,879
I want to say as we start this
show, "Powerless without Jesus",

39
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,489
I'm going to tell
you some stories

40
00:02:21,490 --> 00:02:25,050
and I really want
to turn to my life,

41
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:27,739
I want to talk about
where I came from

42
00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:29,149
and why I think this show

43
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:32,529
is the most important
show that we'll do.

44
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:37,249
I was born to 14 and 16 year
old addicts, they were a mess,

45
00:02:37,250 --> 00:02:40,839
I was homeless by the
time I was 13 years old.

46
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,650
When I ended up on the
streets, at 13 years old,

47
00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:49,509
the options that I had as
far as work, how to survive,

48
00:02:49,510 --> 00:02:51,449
how to be fed, how to be housed,

49
00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:55,320
all those kind of
things were so ugly.

50
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,604
And some of that I'm not
even going to talk about

51
00:02:57,605 --> 00:02:58,979
because it was too ugly.

52
00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:02,190
If your kids are
around right know

53
00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:05,359
this is not going to
be a show for kids.

54
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,940
It is a show for people

55
00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:10,989
that are struggling
with various addictions,

56
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:14,429
it's a show for someone
that is working with anybody

57
00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:17,050
on the planet.

58
00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:19,269
Anybody that's
struggling with stuff.

59
00:03:19,270 --> 00:03:23,169
Because you really do need to
understand what's out there.

60
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:26,519
We spend more money
on our darker addictions

61
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:31,209
than we do on all entertainment,
all sports entertainment,

62
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:34,149
all movies, all video games,
all those kind of things

63
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:37,049
that you think we spend
so much money on.

64
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,939
We spend more money
on our darker addictions

65
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:40,810
and all that stuff.

66
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,289
When I ended up on the
streets I was homeless.

67
00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:50,419
When I was 14 years old I got
picked up by a motorcycle gang.

68
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,569
When I was picked up
it was probably...

69
00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:57,650
I saw the guy come up
on a Harley Davidson,

70
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,489
I didn't have a place to stay,

71
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,619
I was not in a place
where I was being safe,

72
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:07,389
the person kind of raising me
was in jail, and I was stuck,

73
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:09,609
I was stuck without
any place to go.

74
00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:12,859
He said, "Do you
want to go camping?"

75
00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,209
I'm like, "Shut up!

76
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,669
How fun would that be?!"

77
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:18,229
I've never been camping, my
family are addicts, right?

78
00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:21,119
And even when I
was little my dad,

79
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:26,499
who the first time he got caught
molesting me I was 3 months old,

80
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,314
and I think I was
molested from birth,

81
00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:29,899
he was kicked out
finally when I was 4,

82
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:35,194
my mom moved a bartender in who
was alcoholic and really a mess.

83
00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:36,859
And I loved them,
I just have to say.

84
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,294
As much as messed my family
is, though my family.

85
00:04:40,295 --> 00:04:43,664
But this is just the
reality of how I grew up.

86
00:04:43,665 --> 00:04:46,640
But we never went camping.

87
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:49,319
Child protective services
always came to my house

88
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,569
trying to remove us
from the home.

89
00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:54,044
We didn't have a
kind of upbringing

90
00:04:54,045 --> 00:04:55,399
that most people would have.

91
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,249
So when somebody said "camping"

92
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:58,899
I was just like, "How fun!"

93
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,779
I was a drug addict
by that time.

94
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:04,839
I started doing drugs when
I was 11 to survive.

95
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,724
The first time somebody gave
me drugs I was 11 years old.

96
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:12,305
My family asked me
to leave the house.

97
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,759
They didn't want me there.

98
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,989
It was real clear they
didn't want me there.

99
00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:18,954
My mom, like I said, was
14 when she had me.

100
00:05:18,955 --> 00:05:20,609
She had 5 kids by
the time she was 21.

101
00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:22,600
The house was a mess.

102
00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,829
So I was introduced
to drugs at 11.

103
00:05:24,830 --> 00:05:28,439
The first time I took
drugs it was a sedative.

104
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,499
And I didn't feel like dying.

105
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,339
I thought, "Oh, men!

106
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,729
How good is this!"

107
00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:37,969
I remember thinking that if one
makes me feel like not dying

108
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:41,390
could somebody
give me some more?

109
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,139
I stayed high for
the next 10 years.

110
00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:46,559
When I say "high" to
a lot of people they...

111
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,659
I don't think you
get the picture.

112
00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:51,539
I had to hold on to
things a lot of times

113
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,049
when I walked around.

114
00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:56,899
I was pregnant by the age 12
because I was on the streets,

115
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,070
I was using.

116
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,634
Somebody said,
"Who is the father?"

117
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:01,919
"I don't even know."

118
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,050
I ended up getting
married by 13,

119
00:06:05,340 --> 00:06:07,849
before I ended
up on the streets.

120
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:10,389
I married a guy in the
navy, went over seas,

121
00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:12,074
moved me into his mom's house.

122
00:06:12,075 --> 00:06:13,629
Him mom hated me, of course.

123
00:06:13,630 --> 00:06:16,529
I was a 12 year old drug addict
that just ruined his sons life.

124
00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:17,259
I thought,

125
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:20,734
"I don't have to stay here
anymore because I'm an adult,

126
00:06:20,735 --> 00:06:21,829
I'm married."

127
00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:23,209
When I ended up on the streets

128
00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:25,269
I got picked up by a
group of heroine addicts

129
00:06:25,270 --> 00:06:29,739
So that is how I ended up
standing in front of this biker

130
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,559
saying, "Do you want
to go camping?"

131
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,509
He gave me some drugs.

132
00:06:33,510 --> 00:06:36,079
From the time I first
started doing drugs

133
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,070
I was never not high.

134
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:43,380
If I had to deal with life
how it was in front of me

135
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,319
it was too painful.

136
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,599
I would just want
somebody to take me out.

137
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,044
Could somebody just throw
me in front of a train?

138
00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:52,259
Because I don't want to be here.

139
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:56,350
But if I was high I didn't care.

140
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,579
So we went camping and
he gave me some drugs.

141
00:06:59,580 --> 00:07:01,829
We got to the camp side.

142
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:03,819
It was 300 people,
there at least.

143
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:06,054
I got off the bike
and I'm thinking,

144
00:07:06,055 --> 00:07:08,029
"This is going to
be so much fun!"

145
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:10,779
I started walking to the
main group and he said,

146
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:14,329
"Excuse me, but did I tell you
could walk away from me?"

147
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:17,719
And I'm like, "What?
Did I ask you?"

148
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,169
I started laughing

149
00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:22,149
and he hit me in the
face as hard as he could.

150
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:26,569
I fell into a tree, slammed into
a tree actually, and slid down.

151
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:28,949
I thought, "I can't
believe hits guy hit me."

152
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:31,979
I jumped up and I hit him in
the face as hard as I could.

153
00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:33,940
I was 14, he was 38.

154
00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:37,654
He was sergeant of arms in a
bike club and he was built.

155
00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:38,419
A big guy.

156
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:41,969
When I say I was 14 I used to
think I must have looked older,

157
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:44,189
I must have been...whatever.

158
00:07:44,190 --> 00:07:46,600
I looked 14, I was a kid.

159
00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:49,954
When I hit him again, he hit
me again I hit the same tree

160
00:07:49,955 --> 00:07:51,149
and everybody started laughing,

161
00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:53,964
it started gathering people
around us that said,

162
00:07:53,965 --> 00:07:55,549
"How fun is that?!"

163
00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:56,789
I was furious.

164
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:58,659
I thought, "Are they
laughing at me?"

165
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:02,239
It was almost like every
injustice in my life came up.

166
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,599
When I talked about my dad
molested me when I was a kid,

167
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,909
there was a guy across the
street from my elementary school

168
00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:11,509
that got an apartment
separate from his house

169
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,529
so he could molested
kids from the school.

170
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:18,389
There was people in my family
that were very abusive sexually,

171
00:08:18,390 --> 00:08:19,809
very sexualized behavior.

172
00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:24,549
When you have a molested kid
he usually draws molesters.

173
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:28,974
They will attract people around
them because they are so needy.

174
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:31,399
I didn't know that but my
history was very intense.

175
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,509
And so when I'm lying
there after being hit

176
00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,719
all that stuff just started
coming up to me and I thought,

177
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,569
"He is not going to
hit me like that."

178
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:41,839
And I jumped and hit him again.

179
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,459
And he hit me again
and I fell back down,

180
00:08:44,460 --> 00:08:46,714
and I remember just
went into a rage,

181
00:08:46,715 --> 00:08:47,859
literally went into a rage.

182
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:51,419
I jumped back up, I hit
him, scratched him,

183
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:54,629
and he was laughing so
hard he couldn't hit me.

184
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,649
I thought, "He is
laughing at me."

185
00:08:56,650 --> 00:09:01,120
I went nuts,
I literally went crazy.

186
00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:05,930
He was trying to hold me
from hitting him again.

187
00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:08,289
And as he stopped laughing
and getting control

188
00:09:08,290 --> 00:09:10,604
he hit me so hard that he
knocked some teeth out

189
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:11,479
of the front of my mouth.

190
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,779
I felt like my face had cracked.

191
00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:18,160
I was lying there and I
felt blood everywhere.

192
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:20,984
I was trying to
check with my tongue

193
00:09:20,985 --> 00:09:22,689
how many teeth did I have left.

194
00:09:22,690 --> 00:09:24,949
I knew that I had
lost some teeth

195
00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:26,649
and I'm trying to check that.

196
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:30,449
As I was doing that he
walked up and he said,

197
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:34,519
"You know, I think you
are so gutsy. I like that.

198
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,039
I'd like you to be my old lady."

199
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,714
I thought, "Is he
asking me out?

200
00:09:39,715 --> 00:09:41,449
Is this guy asking me out?"

201
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,610
And he was.

202
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:46,649
What he was saying
is that in that lifestyle.

203
00:09:46,650 --> 00:09:52,069
Because I could take a beating
and get up and defend myself.

204
00:09:52,070 --> 00:09:54,910
He wanted me as his girlfriend.

205
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:58,550
Anybody want to
guess what I said?

206
00:09:58,860 --> 00:10:02,560
"No, thank you.",
that's what I said.

207
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:04,370
"Absolutely not!"

208
00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:07,614
And he informed me that this
was really not a question.

209
00:10:07,615 --> 00:10:10,284
He wasn't really waiting
for an answer from me.

210
00:10:10,285 --> 00:10:12,369
But my feeling was
"Absolutely not."

211
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:14,730
But now I'm his property.

212
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:20,440
In that lifestyle the
bikes are number one,

213
00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:26,890
the brothers, or his
partners, are number two,

214
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:30,780
women maybe are number three.

215
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:34,014
But it maybe even drugs
and that kind of stuff.

216
00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:35,644
Women are very
far down the road.

217
00:10:35,645 --> 00:10:37,249
Now I'm his property.

218
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:40,844
They picked up three girls from
the street. I didn't know that.

219
00:10:40,845 --> 00:10:42,544
So three girls were picked
up from the street.

220
00:10:42,545 --> 00:10:44,519
They were picked up
to be turned out.

221
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,469
What that means

222
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:48,684
is that they were having
initiation for new members,

223
00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:50,754
they were bringing new
bikers into the club,

224
00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:52,774
they needed girls
from the street

225
00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:54,379
in order to initiate
the new members.

226
00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:57,679
And they were brought in
to be beaten and whatever.

227
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:00,749
I could tell you some of the
things they did to this women.

228
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:05,809
I wasn't one of them now because
I was taken as his girlfriend.

229
00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:07,349
So I was not one but I watched

230
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:12,580
a 13 year old that first
night until she was dead.

231
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:14,340
People say,

232
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,929
"On the street,

233
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:18,989
did you have anything that
you didn't get over it well?"

234
00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:21,944
This was one of the things
that I had nightmares

235
00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:23,019
for years and years.

236
00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:26,419
Because I heard this girl
just screaming all day long,

237
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,649
all night long.

238
00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:31,139
Out of the 300 people that
were there, men and women,

239
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,699
this girl was abused
by all of them.

240
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,379
What was funny to them
is not only raping them

241
00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:40,339
but beating them, hitting
them, all that kind of stuff.

242
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:43,249
She was horribly abused and
when she started to die

243
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:47,119
her scream's changed, the sound
of her voice was different.

244
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,739
I started screaming,
"She is dying!"

245
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:54,259
I've never heard anyone
die but it's so obvious.

246
00:11:54,260 --> 00:12:00,500
It's so obvious when someone
has this sound of death to them.

247
00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:04,189
I remember him coming to
my face and just saying,

248
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:09,599
"Shut up. You either take her
place or shut up. I'm serious."

249
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,789
I couldn't shut up,
I kept screaming,

250
00:12:11,790 --> 00:12:13,534
"You've got to stop them."

251
00:12:13,535 --> 00:12:14,999
And pretty soon I got beat up

252
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,059
and taken to another
part of the campground.

253
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:23,499
Eventually he had to take me and
we left the campground early

254
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,439
because I could not stop.

255
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:30,760
I was so outraged by the
abuses I saw and the damage.

256
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:37,340
The first time I got into a
Bible study, when I met God,

257
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,709
and I'm going to go through
that on various shows

258
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:42,589
because it was incredible.

259
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:47,800
It took me two weeks
to leave those bikers,

260
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:49,709
to escape from there.

261
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:52,819
In those two weeks
I watched abuses

262
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:56,740
that I cannot
even say on the set.

263
00:12:57,090 --> 00:13:00,084
Because if I tell you, not
that I don't want to tell you,

264
00:13:00,085 --> 00:13:01,769
because I want to tell everyone,

265
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:03,884
and the reason I
want to tell everyone

266
00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,934
is not because I want
to exploit anything,

267
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:07,619
not because I want
to shock anyone,

268
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,459
but as Christians I
want us to finally say,

269
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:13,294
"You know what? It matters
that we are here.

270
00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:14,569
We need to get out there.

271
00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:16,674
People are so destroying
themselves.

272
00:13:16,675 --> 00:13:18,019
Sin has them so twisted

273
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,614
that some people will
never be able to untwist

274
00:13:20,615 --> 00:13:22,839
unless we say there is hope."

275
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,479
There is a Saviour that says,

276
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,839
"I even know...", the theme text
for this show is Isaiah 57,18,

277
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,219
"I know everything about you.

278
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:34,254
I know all your garbage and
I will heal you anyway."

279
00:13:34,255 --> 00:13:36,154
That is what God is saying.

280
00:13:36,155 --> 00:13:38,024
He is saying it to these bikers.

281
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:38,909
He is saying it to me,

282
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:40,929
to this homeless kid that
ends up on the street.

283
00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:45,304
He is saying it to you, any of
the things that you deal with.

284
00:13:45,305 --> 00:13:46,659
He is saying that to us.

285
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:55,780
So it takes me two
weeks to escape.

286
00:13:56,210 --> 00:14:03,770
I end up going through all this
kind of stuff on the street.

287
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:07,929
I was on the street from that
point for the next few years.

288
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:12,169
I got off the street at 23
when I meet Jesus Christ.

289
00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:15,829
In a drug house, sitting on
a bed trying to kill myself.

290
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:18,889
I was so done. I had seen
that kind of situation

291
00:14:18,890 --> 00:14:21,760
plus worse throughout the years.

292
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:25,049
I had been strung out on
heroine for the last few years.

293
00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:26,699
I was selling drugs.

294
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,459
The Vice that was supposed to
arrest us for selling drugs

295
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:32,044
was actually trading
favors off with the kids

296
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,379
that I ran with

297
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:35,894
so they wouldn't arrest us.

298
00:14:35,895 --> 00:14:37,209
I saw darker things.

299
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,049
If I met a pastor on the street

300
00:14:39,050 --> 00:14:41,154
it was because of
a darker addiction.

301
00:14:41,155 --> 00:14:42,469
If I met a doctor on the street

302
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:44,979
it was because of
a darker addiction.

303
00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:49,374
I met a guy that was head
of cardiac surgery one time.

304
00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:51,284
And I was in a drug
house, wasted.

305
00:14:51,285 --> 00:14:52,549
And he said he was a doctor,

306
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:55,354
head of cardiac surgery,
did heart transplants.

307
00:14:55,355 --> 00:14:58,094
I wanted to see his hands
because I thought,

308
00:14:58,095 --> 00:15:00,480
"Wow! That is amazing!"

309
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,849
I remember all of
the sudden thinking,

310
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:08,490
"You're a doctor? You
do heart transplants."

311
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:14,220
I went up to him and I said,
"What are you doing here?"

312
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:16,609
And he is like,
"What do you mean?"

313
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:18,829
"I mean, what are
you doing here?"

314
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,914
And he is like,
"What do you mean?"

315
00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:22,879
And the people that
I was running with,

316
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,049
the other child prostitutes,
the addicts are saying,

317
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,760
"Cheri, shut up."

318
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,169
The reason they are
telling me that is,

319
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:34,044
"Don't bug him, he
brings money here.

320
00:15:34,045 --> 00:15:35,529
We're playing this guy"

321
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,094
And I'm telling this guy,
"What are you doing here?

322
00:15:38,095 --> 00:15:40,179
Do you have a wife?
Do you have kids?

323
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:43,449
Do the people you work with
know that you're here?"

324
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:46,714
I wanted so desperately
for someone to be normal.

325
00:15:46,715 --> 00:15:47,949
Does that sound crazy?

326
00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:51,484
I'm sitting there trying to
kill myself. I'm so done.

327
00:15:51,485 --> 00:15:54,889
I remember getting everything
ready, I'm not in the pain.

328
00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:57,714
My first suicide attempt
was when I was 8

329
00:15:57,715 --> 00:15:58,709
and I jumped of a house.

330
00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:02,094
When I figured out where I was
going to jump, at 8 years old,

331
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,349
I put a mattress down so when
I hit I wouldn't hurt myself.

332
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:10,879
So I'm not in the pain and I got
some different things together

333
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:18,410
and I'm ready to kill myself

334
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:24,630
and I felt like the presence
of God just came in the room.

335
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:25,939
And somebody says,

336
00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:28,224
"Did the room changed,
did it light up?"

337
00:16:28,225 --> 00:16:28,979
I think it did.

338
00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:31,219
But if you had a video
camera nothing happened.

339
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:34,274
But I felt like the Holy Spirit,
God Himself came in the room.

340
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:36,569
I had never had any
encounters with God.

341
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:38,529
My family is not Christian.

342
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:42,500
God said, "Cheri, I love you."

343
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:46,119
I felt safe for the
first time in my life,

344
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,820
I felt loved and
no reason for that.

345
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,360
I said, "Look at me."

346
00:16:52,690 --> 00:16:55,549
I had teeth missing and
my hair went addict.

347
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,389
I don't even know anything.

348
00:16:57,390 --> 00:16:59,399
I'm illiterate,
fairly illiterate.

349
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,044
I could probably read
like second grade level.

350
00:17:02,045 --> 00:17:03,219
And God says, "I love you.

351
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,979
I want to show you who
I see when I look at you."

352
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,449
He gives me this image.

353
00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:10,324
And I don't know He does that
when He shows you something

354
00:17:10,325 --> 00:17:12,629
but you see nothing,
but you see everything.

355
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:15,014
I don't know how the
Holy Spirit does this

356
00:17:15,015 --> 00:17:17,944
but He shows me
who I am in Christ.

357
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:21,099
And who I am is
His beautiful child.

358
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:24,410
I thought, "No way, no way..."

359
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:27,354
You know what hit
me about this image?

360
00:17:27,355 --> 00:17:29,190
It was so innocent.

361
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:32,639
I said, "I've never been
innocent in my life."

362
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,239
I was molested from the first
time I came out of the womb.

363
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,079
I've never been loved.

364
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,079
And God said, "You've
always been that way to Me

365
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,359
and if you trust Me stand up,
I'll walk you into this image."

366
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,300
And I did, and I trust Him.

367
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,929
We're going to talk
about a God that says,

368
00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:51,904
"I don't care what your junk is.

369
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,759
I want to restore you to sanity.

370
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,739
I want to bring you to a place

371
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:58,819
where you can stand holy in
the presence of the holy God

372
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,109
with all your junk."

373
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,199
He's talking not only to me

374
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,409
but to every biker that
was there that weekend.

375
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,974
Every person that I met on
the street He was talking to

376
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,979
and He said, "I don't
want anyone to perish.

377
00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:13,294
I don't want anyone to die
outside of relationship.

378
00:18:13,295 --> 00:18:15,514
I want to bring you life."

379
00:18:15,515 --> 00:18:16,329
So stay with us.

380
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:20,514
I'm going to introduce you to
a friend of mine, Fred Stoeker,

381
00:18:20,515 --> 00:18:21,259
that you will be blessed by him.

382
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:26,030
You will be blessed by what
he brings to the table.

383
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,630
Don't go away.

384
00:18:35,970 --> 00:18:38,909
We want to introduce
you to a beautiful book

385
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,609
called "Steps to Christ".

386
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:44,564
Each program in this series
is based on a different chapter,

387
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:47,574
showing you how to
become a Christian

388
00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:50,729
and gain victory
over your addictions.

389
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,889
"Steps to Christ" is our
gift to you, free of charge.

390
00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:57,804
Call us at (618) 627-4651 during
the regular business hours

391
00:18:57,805 --> 00:19:01,084
or write to Steps to
Christ, P.O Box 220,

392
00:19:01,085 --> 00:19:03,820
West Frankfurt, Il
62896

393
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,960
Welcome back!

394
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:24,984
I think the funniest
think I ever learned

395
00:19:24,985 --> 00:19:26,549
when I first came
into Christianity

396
00:19:26,550 --> 00:19:28,589
and I first started
studying the Bible,

397
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:31,689
someone told me a story
about Mary Magdalene

398
00:19:31,690 --> 00:19:35,239
and the woman that was
dragged to Jesus' feet.

399
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,859
She was a prostitute
caught in the act,

400
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:39,419
and all that kind of things.

401
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,119
I just wept because I thought
that Christ looked at her

402
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,159
and in love He said,
"You know what?

403
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,459
Go and don't hurt yourself
anymore. Don't sin anymore."

404
00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:50,829
I really don't believe

405
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:53,339
that He said it in the
way "don't do wrong"

406
00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:56,799
He's like, "Don't hurt yourself.
Stand up, live your life."

407
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,519
And then they told me this
story and I will never forget it

408
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,874
because they said,
"You know what?

409
00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:02,889
I want to tell you the story

410
00:20:02,890 --> 00:20:06,049
about a guy that was
filled with demons

411
00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:10,320
and had foam at the
mouth, and just horrible.

412
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:13,019
He was cutting
himself with stones.

413
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:14,339
He was beating people up.

414
00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:17,219
They chained him up,
he broke the chains.

415
00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,339
He lived in the cemetery,
all those things."

416
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:22,169
And the person said, "Did
I tell you he was ugly?

417
00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:24,289
With foam at the mouth, filled
with thousands of demons?"

418
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,879
I thought "You did."

419
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,599
A little while later he didn't
tell me what happened but said,

420
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,979
"Did I tell you?
This guy was ugly."

421
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,189
And I'm thinking, "You did
tell me. I know he was ugly."

422
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:36,529
And the whole time they
are talking I'm thinking,

423
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:39,149
"You know what? I
think I dated that guy."

424
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:42,609
I was so serious that I
thought I dated him.

425
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:45,809
I wanted to say that when
I listened to the story,

426
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:49,114
one of the things I wanted to
know with everything in me...

427
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,244
because you heard the
story about the bikers.

428
00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:52,259
I've seen people
filled with demons.

429
00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:55,709
I've seen people in such
destructive lifestyles

430
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:57,549
that are just unbelievable.

431
00:20:57,550 --> 00:20:59,939
Murdering each other
and all that kind of stuff.

432
00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:03,469
I wanted to know what would
Jesus do, what would God do.

433
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,489
He said He walked up
to him, everybody ran.

434
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:08,069
And He is standing there.

435
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:10,119
And as He stood there
the guy opens his mouth

436
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,519
and instead of pleading for
God to change something,

437
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,359
he casts them out,
curses them out.

438
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,804
And God doesn't move,
Jesus doesn't move.

439
00:21:18,805 --> 00:21:20,279
He just stands there.

440
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,609
He said that He saw within this
guy soul a small part of him

441
00:21:24,610 --> 00:21:27,799
that wanted to be restored,
wanted to be in his right mind.

442
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,009
And He did that for him.

443
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:31,059
He pulled all the demons out,

444
00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:34,239
restored this guy
to his right mind.

445
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,699
And for the first time, in I
don't know for how long,

446
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:41,389
this guy stood in his
right mind next to Christ.

447
00:21:41,390 --> 00:21:43,649
I thought, "Oh, I want that."

448
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:47,339
I want to introduce you
to Fred and Brenda Stoeker,

449
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:51,450
no that Fred reminds
me of the demoniac.

450
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,759
Thank you for being on the show.

451
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,699
It's great to be here!

452
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:59,619
You both have blessed me in
ways that you don't even know.

453
00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:02,319
We're going to cover
all of the today.

454
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,459
You have a ministry
that is international.

455
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:08,309
You've been
definitely all of the U.S.

456
00:22:08,310 --> 00:22:12,549
Introduce yourself, a little
bit about the ministry

457
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:14,919
and then let's get
into your testimony.

458
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,229
I found a living
in true ministry.

459
00:22:17,230 --> 00:22:21,529
It's designed to help men
to learn how to live normally.

460
00:22:21,530 --> 00:22:24,869
From my own past, I grew up
in kind of a dysfunctional home

461
00:22:24,870 --> 00:22:26,619
and I got into sexual sin.

462
00:22:26,620 --> 00:22:28,679
It took me a while once
I became a Christian

463
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,089
to really understand
what I needed to be.

464
00:22:32,090 --> 00:22:34,004
That's what I want
to do for men now.

465
00:22:34,005 --> 00:22:35,789
I want to go out
and help them see.

466
00:22:35,790 --> 00:22:45,180
Is it because you understand the
gift that Christ has given you

467
00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:47,529
and how He wants to restore us?

468
00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:51,149
Oh, sure. In Psalm 51 it talks
about the fact that God takes us

469
00:22:51,150 --> 00:22:54,099
cleans us up and then sends
us out to teach others.

470
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,189
I'd like to think at
that as my destiny.

471
00:22:57,190 --> 00:22:59,399
I need to be out
helping other guys

472
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,619
to experience this freedom
that I'm experiencing.

473
00:23:02,620 --> 00:23:04,599
Since the purity
came in my life,

474
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,899
my wife and I had such a
wonderful marriage since then.

475
00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:11,839
We've been married for 25 years
and we're having a great time.

476
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,679
That's what God wants for us.

477
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,164
He wants us to live lives that
are reflective of His word

478
00:23:17,165 --> 00:23:19,289
and that we can just be happy.

479
00:23:19,290 --> 00:23:23,109
Obviously we need to be helping
Him reach others as well.

480
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:26,099
We're going to get into
both of those things.

481
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:29,084
Brenda, when he says
"I'm happy." is he right?

482
00:23:29,085 --> 00:23:30,970
He is really right.

483
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,910
I just had to check.

484
00:23:33,540 --> 00:23:36,390
We are very, very blessed.

485
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:40,969
As we get into this you're going
to come back on another show

486
00:23:40,970 --> 00:23:43,269
and just hear your testimony.

487
00:23:43,270 --> 00:23:45,964
You've written a book called
"Every heart restored".

488
00:23:45,965 --> 00:23:47,159
And so, as we listen to him,

489
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:51,859
I want people to know that we
will cover your restoration too.

490
00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:54,250
Fred, tell us.

491
00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:57,199
Dysfunctional home,
getting into sexual sin,

492
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,959
what do you mean by that?

493
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:04,540
I know it really bothers some
folks talking about that.

494
00:24:04,570 --> 00:24:09,689
But I want people to know that I
do ministry all over the world.

495
00:24:09,690 --> 00:24:11,319
I have been fortunate enough,

496
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,654
I think God has given me the
opportunities to talk to people

497
00:24:14,655 --> 00:24:17,094
in prisons and rehab centers
and jails and churches.

498
00:24:17,095 --> 00:24:19,759
And every single time
sexual sin comes up,

499
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,984
and I don't get out
of the churches

500
00:24:21,985 --> 00:24:24,079
usually until
2.30-1.30 at night

501
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,469
because people are
dealing with these.

502
00:24:26,470 --> 00:24:29,159
And so I'm so grateful
for your ministry

503
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,834
and that you are able to
say out loud there is hope.

504
00:24:32,835 --> 00:24:34,599
There is a lot of hope.

505
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,814
When I went out to college, I
went to Standford University,

506
00:24:37,815 --> 00:24:39,484
for those who would
know what that is,

507
00:24:39,485 --> 00:24:40,189
and when I got out there

508
00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:43,939
I was probably a thousand miles
away from home and very lonely.

509
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:47,689
It wasn't long before I started
to get hooked on porn

510
00:24:47,690 --> 00:24:50,509
because it was something that
made me feel connected somehow.

511
00:24:50,510 --> 00:24:52,599
It wasn't long before I
had the dates memorized

512
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,669
when those magazines
would come

513
00:24:54,670 --> 00:24:56,599
into the campus
bookstore each month.

514
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,134
And I would be the first one
on campus to get those.

515
00:24:59,135 --> 00:25:01,199
So it was really
important to me.

516
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,579
Then I began to chase women.

517
00:25:02,580 --> 00:25:06,449
Probably, maybe in a year of
college I had four girlfriends,

518
00:25:06,450 --> 00:25:07,799
I was sleeping
with three of them,

519
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,869
and I was essentially engaged
to be married to two of them.

520
00:25:10,870 --> 00:25:13,489
None of them knew
about each other.

521
00:25:13,490 --> 00:25:17,520
It was a time of my life

522
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,324
when I really didn't know
that that was wrong.

523
00:25:20,325 --> 00:25:22,824
It seemed like everybody
was having a good time,

524
00:25:22,825 --> 00:25:23,929
no one was getting hurt.

525
00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:26,799
But there was something
nagging in my heart

526
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,600
about "Who am I really?"

527
00:25:29,870 --> 00:25:32,599
It was starting to get hard
to keep all the balls in the air

528
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,504
and it felt like a
gerbil on the wheel.

529
00:25:35,505 --> 00:25:38,279
There was a night that
I was in my office,

530
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:41,419
I was working as a
stock broker at the time,

531
00:25:41,420 --> 00:25:44,599
so I was sitting in my office,
I was looking out the window,

532
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,044
and there was a sunset, it was
just coming down in California,

533
00:25:48,045 --> 00:25:49,159
there are beautiful
sunsets out there,

534
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,044
and I decide, "I'm the last
one here. I want to go home.

535
00:25:52,045 --> 00:25:54,169
I need to go home, but I
want to watch this sunset

536
00:25:54,170 --> 00:25:57,769
before I go home. Just to enjoy
myself, relax a little bit."

537
00:25:57,770 --> 00:25:59,689
I sat down and I put my
hands behind my head,

538
00:25:59,690 --> 00:26:02,499
I put one feet up
on the credenza

539
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,149
and I started
watching that sunset.

540
00:26:05,150 --> 00:26:07,569
What you said earlier
about your salvations

541
00:26:07,570 --> 00:26:09,139
struck me right through my toes

542
00:26:09,140 --> 00:26:12,779
because I've never heard
anybody else say what you said

543
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:16,400
except me.

544
00:26:16,430 --> 00:26:21,839
I don't know how God did it but
He suddenly changed the scene

545
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,359
and I could see
everything that I'd become.

546
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,559
He didn't actually
show me anything

547
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,219
and yet He showed me
everything that I'd become.

548
00:26:30,220 --> 00:26:33,880
It was in that moment
that I understood

549
00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:36,039
that something had to change.

550
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,054
So I bowed my head and
I prayed a simple prayer,

551
00:26:39,055 --> 00:26:40,554
"Lord, I'm ready
to work with you

552
00:26:40,555 --> 00:26:41,949
if You are ready
to work with me."

553
00:26:41,950 --> 00:26:44,774
When I got up from
there and went home

554
00:26:44,775 --> 00:26:45,839
I didn't even
know I was saved.

555
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,439
I had no idea that
it stuck, so to say.

556
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:54,719
But over the next few weeks I
was on my way back home to Iowa.

557
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,799
The Lord seem to move
everything in my life

558
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,339
and I was moving
back to Iowa

559
00:26:58,340 --> 00:27:01,104
leaving all those
girlfriends behind.

560
00:27:01,105 --> 00:27:03,249
I had a chance for a new life.

561
00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:07,139
When I got back there I
began going to a church

562
00:27:07,140 --> 00:27:10,029
that was doing some Sunday
school classes on marriage.

563
00:27:10,030 --> 00:27:12,839
As I was going through the
list of Sunday school classes

564
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,174
and I came to that class
I thought to myself,

565
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:16,339
"If there's anything I need

566
00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:18,994
it's I need to know
how to treat women."

567
00:27:18,995 --> 00:27:20,229
Even though I wasn't married

568
00:27:20,230 --> 00:27:22,974
and I didn't have a fiancée
or a girlfriend at that time

569
00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:24,159
I started going to this class.

570
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,910
And over that year
I just fell in love

571
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,829
with what God has
said about women.

572
00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:34,084
The pastor was teaching us about
how different they are from us

573
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:36,929
and how important it is for
us to understand that,

574
00:27:36,930 --> 00:27:39,159
and how awesome God made them.

575
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,160
By the time that year
is up I pray again.

576
00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:45,670
I love that!

577
00:27:45,990 --> 00:27:48,809
I got on my knees, it
was in my apartment,

578
00:27:48,810 --> 00:27:51,089
I've just gotten to the point

579
00:27:51,090 --> 00:27:54,074
when I need to see what
one of these looks like.

580
00:27:54,075 --> 00:27:55,069
I've bee going to church,

581
00:27:55,070 --> 00:27:57,314
obviously there were
Christian women there,

582
00:27:57,315 --> 00:27:59,609
but I didn't really
know any of them.

583
00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:01,829
So I prayed, "Lord, can
You show me a woman

584
00:28:01,830 --> 00:28:03,364
that embodies
these characteristics?"

585
00:28:03,365 --> 00:28:04,659
I just wanted to see.

586
00:28:04,660 --> 00:28:06,089
It's one thing to
read about a giraffe,

587
00:28:06,090 --> 00:28:08,900
it's another thing to see one.

588
00:28:09,070 --> 00:28:10,609
Are you a giraffe?

589
00:28:10,610 --> 00:28:12,440
I didn't think so.

590
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:15,854
In my world she
became one I guess.

591
00:28:15,855 --> 00:28:17,504
Because in a couple of weeks

592
00:28:17,505 --> 00:28:20,964
I'd kind of forgotten about
the prayer, but my dad called

593
00:28:20,965 --> 00:28:24,289
and he had set up a blind
date with Brenda and me.

594
00:28:24,290 --> 00:28:26,724
I didn't know Brenda at that
time and never seen her.

595
00:28:26,725 --> 00:28:28,119
We were going to go to church

596
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:29,949
and then go out
to eat afterwards.

597
00:28:29,950 --> 00:28:33,819
When I was in the seat that day
and my dad leaned over and said,

598
00:28:33,820 --> 00:28:34,719
"Freddy, here she comes."

599
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,169
I turned and looked at
her and the Lord said,

600
00:28:37,170 --> 00:28:40,559
"This is the girl you're going
to marry", as I looked at her.

601
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,060
It was very exciting.

602
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,269
But the thing that was most
impressive to this story

603
00:28:48,270 --> 00:28:52,769
is that as I began to know
her better and better

604
00:28:52,770 --> 00:28:55,259
I knew that she
really did embody

605
00:28:55,260 --> 00:28:58,469
all those characteristics
I've been talking about.

606
00:28:58,470 --> 00:29:00,819
When I began to understand that

607
00:29:00,820 --> 00:29:03,339
I really wanted to
do well as a husband.

608
00:29:03,340 --> 00:29:05,650
Really wanted to do well.

609
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:09,939
I stopped looking at porn
before we got married

610
00:29:09,940 --> 00:29:13,704
and I have not purchase porn
and looked at it on the computer

611
00:29:13,705 --> 00:29:15,169
since our wedding day.

612
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:17,929
Did you know
his history Brenda?

613
00:29:17,930 --> 00:29:20,689
I knew that he had had a lot of
relationships with other girls.

614
00:29:20,690 --> 00:29:23,084
That was as far as
I knew that it went.

615
00:29:23,085 --> 00:29:25,629
So I assume when we got married

616
00:29:25,630 --> 00:29:26,979
I thought everything
was in the past.

617
00:29:26,980 --> 00:29:30,799
I had no idea there is any
on going problem for him.

618
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,730
I thought I had
left it all behind

619
00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:37,684
because I wasn't
dating other women

620
00:29:37,685 --> 00:29:39,129
and I wasn't looking at porn.

621
00:29:39,130 --> 00:29:40,279
But you see,

622
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,729
the Bible's standard is
different from our standard.

623
00:29:43,730 --> 00:29:46,409
In Ephesians 5:3 it says
that we are not to have

624
00:29:46,410 --> 00:29:49,689
even a hint of sexual
immorality in our lives.

625
00:29:49,690 --> 00:29:54,539
So when I read that and I began
to meditate on it and I thought,

626
00:29:54,540 --> 00:29:56,529
"What in the world
does a hint meant?"

627
00:29:56,530 --> 00:29:59,029
And over time I began to
understand that what it means is

628
00:29:59,030 --> 00:30:01,764
that we are not to get
any sexual gratification

629
00:30:01,765 --> 00:30:05,670
from anyone or anything
except our spouse.

630
00:30:06,090 --> 00:30:08,939
By that standard I
was failing miserably.

631
00:30:08,940 --> 00:30:11,839
I was still watching
the R-rated movies,

632
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,759
there was still a lot
of self stimulation

633
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,905
with lingerie ad inserts

634
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:19,769
and department store
inserts on Sunday mornings.

635
00:30:19,770 --> 00:30:21,159
There were joggers,
exercise shows,

636
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:26,250
all sorts of things that
they still had me captured.

637
00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:29,639
What the lord was
trying to say to me was,

638
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,699
"These have to go too."

639
00:30:31,700 --> 00:30:34,339
Can I ask you something?
Because in my own recovery,

640
00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:37,129
one of the things that
I learned about God

641
00:30:37,130 --> 00:30:45,150
is that He was trying to
teach me when He says,

642
00:30:45,420 --> 00:30:47,889
"Don't even look on
somebody with lust.",

643
00:30:47,890 --> 00:30:51,729
is He wasn't saying "That's
a check list that I have"

644
00:30:51,730 --> 00:30:56,279
"I will fill you up with so
much joy and so much health

645
00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:00,519
that you'll be surprised at what
actually is to love someone

646
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,039
and this will get in your way."

647
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,749
So it wasn't "Don't do
this because I said so,

648
00:31:04,750 --> 00:31:07,929
it was because "I want to pour
into you some good stuff."

649
00:31:07,930 --> 00:31:09,894
And that's the most
amazing thing about God

650
00:31:09,895 --> 00:31:11,599
that I've found
over time is that

651
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,289
a lot of times we think of Him
saying "No premarital sex,

652
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:16,669
no this or that."

653
00:31:16,670 --> 00:31:18,714
In other words,
"Don't have any fun

654
00:31:18,715 --> 00:31:20,084
because I'm God and I said so."

655
00:31:20,085 --> 00:31:20,835
Exactly.

656
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,819
What I've come to find is that
it's nothing like that at all.

657
00:31:24,820 --> 00:31:27,714
I'm a father and I
have a 23 year old son

658
00:31:27,715 --> 00:31:29,349
and a 15 year old son

659
00:31:29,350 --> 00:31:31,934
I want to come back
to that a little bit

660
00:31:31,935 --> 00:31:34,399
because since I've had
my sons I understand

661
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,029
how a father looks on
the purity of his sons

662
00:31:37,030 --> 00:31:38,850
and what he wants.

663
00:31:39,210 --> 00:31:41,029
There's never been
a time in my life

664
00:31:41,030 --> 00:31:42,844
where I've looked
at my sons and said,

665
00:31:42,845 --> 00:31:43,929
"Look, you need to stay pure.",

666
00:31:43,930 --> 00:31:47,284
that I did it because of my
ego or because of my books

667
00:31:47,285 --> 00:31:48,819
or because I want
them to have no fun.

668
00:31:48,820 --> 00:31:53,399
It all has to do with freedom,
peace, so that they can enjoy

669
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,769
their sexual relationship
in their marriage better.

670
00:31:55,770 --> 00:31:58,139
All of it is out of love.

671
00:31:58,140 --> 00:32:03,860
We need to understand that that
is why He asks us to be pure.

672
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:09,870
When you really into my life and
you the prices I was paying

673
00:32:09,970 --> 00:32:12,509
just for those small things.

674
00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:14,179
What were the prices
because you're saying

675
00:32:14,180 --> 00:32:17,809
that I'm looking at adds, I'm
getting lost in the TV still,

676
00:32:17,810 --> 00:32:21,509
if somebody drives by
I'm still following them.

677
00:32:21,510 --> 00:32:24,609
What most people would say is,
"Those are little things.

678
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,079
They have nothing
to do with anything.

679
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,509
You need to lighten up.",
is what they would say.

680
00:32:30,510 --> 00:32:34,169
But these are the
prices that I was paying.

681
00:32:34,170 --> 00:32:40,150
Should we talk about
what you would say?

682
00:32:40,330 --> 00:32:42,219
We'll save that for later.

683
00:32:42,220 --> 00:32:44,949
At this time she didn't
know anything about it.

684
00:32:44,950 --> 00:32:48,900
Nothing at all,
everything was going fine.

685
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,089
Our sex life was good.

686
00:32:51,090 --> 00:32:53,509
I seemed to be the rising
young star in our church,

687
00:32:53,510 --> 00:32:56,250
I was teaching classes.

688
00:32:56,460 --> 00:33:00,309
We were the family people wanted
to emulate kind of a thing.

689
00:33:00,310 --> 00:33:03,419
I came from a totally different
background from Fred's

690
00:33:03,420 --> 00:33:05,029
and I knew almost nothing at all

691
00:33:05,030 --> 00:33:07,799
about men's sexual
differences with women.

692
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,619
It never even occurred to me,
I had no clue of anything.

693
00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:16,000
She comes from 4 generations
of Christian people

694
00:33:16,150 --> 00:33:19,209
and so for her
everything is always been

695
00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:21,829
pretty much kind of a
straight narrow path

696
00:33:21,830 --> 00:33:25,940
and I am way off to
the left somewhere.

697
00:33:26,150 --> 00:33:30,710
People were saying,
"Look, knock it off.

698
00:33:30,930 --> 00:33:36,470
You can't control your eyes,
your mind does, so just relax."

699
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,819
I knew I was paying prices
and I had to find out why.

700
00:33:40,820 --> 00:33:43,899
One of the things I noticed
was that, for instance,

701
00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:45,889
when I'd be in church,
looking around

702
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,819
and seeing other
people worship,

703
00:33:47,820 --> 00:33:49,829
I knew I wasn't making
the same connection

704
00:33:49,830 --> 00:33:51,779
that the other men were making.

705
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:52,984
But the worst thing

706
00:33:52,985 --> 00:33:54,594
when it came to my
relationship with the board

707
00:33:54,595 --> 00:33:56,109
was that I couldn't look
the in the eye anymore.

708
00:33:56,110 --> 00:34:01,700
There were so many times I had
said I will stop these things

709
00:34:01,710 --> 00:34:03,219
and I broke my promise
every single time.

710
00:34:03,220 --> 00:34:07,459
And after a while you feel like
a goof to go back to the board

711
00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:10,219
and say, "I'm going to
make one more promise."

712
00:34:10,220 --> 00:34:12,249
After a while it's hard to pray,

713
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:15,800
it's hard to even be
serious with Him

714
00:34:15,970 --> 00:34:18,679
because you don't even know
if He cares about you some times

715
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,499
and there were times when
I would get so despondent

716
00:34:20,500 --> 00:34:22,599
I wonder if I was really
a Christian anymore.

717
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,799
Because it was just something
that had me by the throat

718
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,749
and I couldn't get free.

719
00:34:27,750 --> 00:34:32,899
When it came to Brenda there
were also some prices been paid.

720
00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:35,589
I couldn't give
myself 100% to her.

721
00:34:35,590 --> 00:34:38,729
I knew that if she ever found
out about this she'd leave.

722
00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:40,749
At least I suspected
that she would.

723
00:34:40,750 --> 00:34:44,339
I knew that if I had given her
my whole life at that point

724
00:34:44,340 --> 00:34:46,974
when she'd pulled the
rug from underneath me

725
00:34:46,975 --> 00:34:48,259
I would just be dust.

726
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:51,644
So my own thinking was, "I can't
afford to give my whole life

727
00:34:51,645 --> 00:34:53,619
to her because she
can leave sometime."

728
00:34:53,620 --> 00:34:56,779
At one level I wasn't
as committed to her

729
00:34:56,780 --> 00:34:59,719
as I could have been even
though I'd loved her.

730
00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:03,569
There were parts of me
I was holding back.

731
00:35:03,570 --> 00:35:08,980
The hardest part was some of
the nightmares she was having.

732
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,979
I don't know what you theologies
are about dreams and things

733
00:35:12,980 --> 00:35:17,999
but there were times where I
was looking at those ad inserts

734
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,750
on Sunday mornings in the
middle of self stimulation

735
00:35:22,860 --> 00:35:26,274
and I would hear Brenda wake
up upstairs and I would hear

736
00:35:26,275 --> 00:35:28,499
just a sudden start and
she would rush downstairs

737
00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:30,369
and I would hear her crying.

738
00:35:30,370 --> 00:35:31,889
She would come and she
would fall into my arms

739
00:35:31,890 --> 00:35:36,509
and she would say where have
you been, Satan was chasing me

740
00:35:36,510 --> 00:35:39,759
down dark hallways and I
was looking in every room

741
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:45,139
trying to find you, I need you
to protect me. Where were you?

742
00:35:45,140 --> 00:35:46,229
Imagine how I felt

743
00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:49,299
knowing that I was had just
been sitting there sinning

744
00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:53,519
and I'd been compromising my
spiritual authority in my home.

745
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,399
Satan had freedom to
mess around in my home.

746
00:35:57,400 --> 00:36:03,040
When it came to my son,
his name was Jason

747
00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:06,549
and he was just two and he
was a toddler at the time,

748
00:36:06,550 --> 00:36:08,684
he had a little pacifier that
would hang out of his mouth,

749
00:36:08,685 --> 00:36:10,949
a little drool, and he
would grin up at me

750
00:36:10,950 --> 00:36:13,279
and I knew what his eyes were
saying. There were saying,

751
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:18,049
"Daddy, you are my hero.
I want to be just like you."

752
00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:20,464
Sometimes I would
brake out crying

753
00:36:20,465 --> 00:36:22,749
when I would look
back into his face.

754
00:36:22,750 --> 00:36:26,559
Because I knew that there
was no way I could keep him

755
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,079
from the trap I was running in.

756
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,839
Because my grandparents
were both stuck on porn

757
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,809
and my dad was stuck on porn
and then I got stuck on porn.

758
00:36:34,810 --> 00:36:37,899
I would look into his face
and he was trusting me,

759
00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:41,174
he would look up and I
would have to look back,

760
00:36:41,175 --> 00:36:44,629
"I know I can't keep you
from what's coming."

761
00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:50,400
Those were really hard days
for me, but they were good days

762
00:36:50,670 --> 00:36:53,889
because when I would look
into his face I would know

763
00:36:53,890 --> 00:36:57,050
"I have to do something."

764
00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:04,040
When we are hopeless the Lord
runs towards us to help us.

765
00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:09,009
There was one verse, Luke 6,46,
that He chased me with, it was,

766
00:37:09,010 --> 00:37:12,699
"Why do you call me, 'Lord,
Lord,' and do not do what I say?

767
00:37:12,700 --> 00:37:17,350
He didn't bring that to
me in a mean way.

768
00:37:17,540 --> 00:37:21,850
It was always "Son, why?"

769
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,739
I would mediate on that, I
wouldn't know what to do

770
00:37:24,740 --> 00:37:29,050
but it was cracking my heart.

771
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:36,590
Job 31,1 it says that Job made
a covenant with his eyes,

772
00:37:36,930 --> 00:37:38,889
not to look lustfully at a girl.

773
00:37:38,890 --> 00:37:41,569
I looked at that and I knew
that covenant was a key

774
00:37:41,570 --> 00:37:42,969
but I didn't understand it.

775
00:37:42,970 --> 00:37:47,109
How do eyes keep a promise?
I don't understand that.

776
00:37:47,110 --> 00:37:50,199
The more I meditated at this
two verses as He chased me

777
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:55,839
the more He was preparing me for
His next salvation in my life

778
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,569
where I was driving down Merle
Hay Road in Des Moines, Iowa.

779
00:37:58,570 --> 00:38:00,814
If you've ever been to
Des Moines, you know that road.

780
00:38:00,815 --> 00:38:03,289
It's the key road in the city.

781
00:38:03,290 --> 00:38:06,069
North-south and going
down the hill one day

782
00:38:06,070 --> 00:38:08,500
a jogger was coming by.

783
00:38:08,750 --> 00:38:10,489
I looked at her,
lusted and I knew

784
00:38:10,490 --> 00:38:14,009
I'd failed God for
the zillionth time.

785
00:38:14,010 --> 00:38:18,684
I remember slamming my fist
in the steering wheel and say,

786
00:38:18,685 --> 00:38:22,319
"It stops here. I don't
care what it takes"

787
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,709
but I'm going to learn
how to build a covenant

788
00:38:24,710 --> 00:38:28,399
because I'm not living like
this anymore. It stops here."

789
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,759
For me, and I think
for most every man,

790
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,899
the key to turning around
and moving towards the Lord

791
00:38:35,900 --> 00:38:39,349
is that kind of repentance
where you're saying,

792
00:38:39,350 --> 00:38:40,859
"I am going to turn around now

793
00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:43,669
and I'm going to
go back God's way.

794
00:38:43,670 --> 00:38:47,259
I have to make a decision
that I really, really mean."

795
00:38:47,260 --> 00:38:49,670
I really meant it then.

796
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,609
Over the next number
of weeks and months

797
00:38:52,610 --> 00:38:55,759
God began to change
everything in who I was.

798
00:38:55,760 --> 00:39:00,260
I think that a lot of
people don't get to feel,

799
00:39:00,420 --> 00:39:03,279
and I know that you
felt it during that time

800
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:08,420
that He was braking you in
a way that gives you freedom

801
00:39:08,630 --> 00:39:11,099
to come into a
healthy relationship,

802
00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:14,269
is that there is so much love
in the way He is doing it.

803
00:39:14,270 --> 00:39:17,709
There's no condemnation,
there's no shame.

804
00:39:17,710 --> 00:39:19,209
I remember thinking
that everything

805
00:39:19,210 --> 00:39:22,659
that I put on the table that I
was so ashamed of, God said,

806
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:26,599
"I know that", and He cleared
the table and set a banquet.

807
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:29,109
It's like "I want this stuff."

808
00:39:29,110 --> 00:39:34,300
I just want you to know
that God knows our stuff,

809
00:39:34,510 --> 00:39:37,949
knows our generational things
that have kept us in bondage

810
00:39:37,950 --> 00:39:40,289
and longs to set us free.

811
00:39:40,290 --> 00:39:45,530
I love listening to the
way He said to you

812
00:39:45,780 --> 00:39:50,470
"Fred, I want you to stand
as a man of integrity."

813
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:55,379
I always thought I was a
man because I was living

814
00:39:55,380 --> 00:40:00,210
every American man's dream
I guess: four girlfriends.

815
00:40:00,240 --> 00:40:01,319
You might not be
able to tell now

816
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,390
but I used to be
pretty handsome.

817
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,269
I could steal a girl's
heart pretty quick.

818
00:40:08,270 --> 00:40:12,509
And I used them for my own
pleasure, but I always thought

819
00:40:12,510 --> 00:40:14,699
that was a manly thing to do.

820
00:40:14,700 --> 00:40:18,039
But as I got into the Word
I also began to see

821
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,699
that the Lord's definition of
manhood is entirely different

822
00:40:21,700 --> 00:40:23,730
than what ours says.

823
00:40:23,940 --> 00:40:29,260
When you go back in you'll
see that what he says is that

824
00:40:29,330 --> 00:40:33,349
he who hears the word of God
and keeps it he is the man.

825
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:35,069
That's what a real man is.

826
00:40:35,070 --> 00:40:39,929
When you go back to see what
Jesus' ticket in the manhood was

827
00:40:39,930 --> 00:40:41,829
you get the clear picture.

828
00:40:41,830 --> 00:40:43,849
When He was left behind
in Jerusalem by His parents,

829
00:40:43,850 --> 00:40:46,569
after the Passover, they
thought He was with the company

830
00:40:46,570 --> 00:40:47,979
all of them going home,

831
00:40:47,980 --> 00:40:49,669
they've suddenly realized
He wasn't with them

832
00:40:49,670 --> 00:40:52,474
so they had to go back to
Jerusalem and find Jesus.

833
00:40:52,475 --> 00:40:55,124
When they found Him they
found Him in the temple

834
00:40:55,125 --> 00:40:57,079
and He was talking to all
the leaders in the temple.

835
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,969
When they asked Him "Why did
you do this to us?", He said

836
00:41:00,970 --> 00:41:04,299
"Didn't you know I have to be
about my father's business?"

837
00:41:04,300 --> 00:41:08,069
That right there is the
passage in the manhood

838
00:41:08,070 --> 00:41:10,410
for the Christian man:

839
00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:13,820
being about his
Father's business.

840
00:41:13,910 --> 00:41:19,069
Going in bed with a girl wasn't
Jesus' passage in the manhood.

841
00:41:19,070 --> 00:41:22,699
It wasn't pornography, or
drugs, or any other wild thing

842
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:25,399
that any of us could think of.

843
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:29,529
He said that are passage in
the manhood is man would be

844
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:32,169
to be about our
Father's business.

845
00:41:32,170 --> 00:41:34,299
As I began to really
understand that,

846
00:41:34,300 --> 00:41:37,429
that I need to hear the
word of God and keep it

847
00:41:37,430 --> 00:41:41,249
and be about my Father's
business everything changed.

848
00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:42,684
it doesn't matter how
thick my beard is

849
00:41:42,685 --> 00:41:43,989
or whether I have
hair on my chest,

850
00:41:43,990 --> 00:41:47,729
or any of the other things we
think about as being manhood.

851
00:41:47,730 --> 00:41:51,429
It's that image that all
of us men need to chase.

852
00:41:51,430 --> 00:41:54,709
That image of Christ being
about His Father's business.

853
00:41:54,710 --> 00:41:57,034
Because it's in that that
we're going to find true peace

854
00:41:57,035 --> 00:41:58,719
and true completion.

855
00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:01,480
Let me ask you something then.

856
00:42:01,790 --> 00:42:04,129
I hear what you say but a lot
of people are going to say

857
00:42:04,130 --> 00:42:08,130
"What I believe is that
if I turn it over,

858
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,109
if I give up that,
who am I as a man

859
00:42:11,110 --> 00:42:13,769
and is life even
exciting anymore?

860
00:42:13,770 --> 00:42:19,840
What am I going to feel as a
man? What is that going to be?

861
00:42:20,130 --> 00:42:24,290
It's not like you have
to give up everything

862
00:42:24,410 --> 00:42:26,480
that you've ever done.

863
00:42:26,540 --> 00:42:28,529
You still camp, you
still climb mountains,

864
00:42:28,530 --> 00:42:31,830
all the other things man do.

865
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,499
I really think that
Satan has lied to us

866
00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:37,680
and said that this
is what's fun.

867
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:43,280
There is a part of having
4 girlfriends that's fun.

868
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,239
I can't deny that there
was pleasure in that.

869
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:52,420
But when I escaped the
old definition of manhood

870
00:42:52,660 --> 00:42:57,129
where I had to be masculine,
handsome, and getting women

871
00:42:57,130 --> 00:42:58,579
and all those sorts of things.

872
00:42:58,580 --> 00:43:03,590
When I walked into the
destiny that God had for me,

873
00:43:03,820 --> 00:43:05,399
which is being
about His business

874
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,764
and Him standing with me and
me standing on His shoulders

875
00:43:08,765 --> 00:43:10,459
approaching the future together,

876
00:43:10,460 --> 00:43:15,459
it was then that life really
became extremely interesting

877
00:43:15,460 --> 00:43:19,919
because what began to happen
is all of my fears were gone.

878
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,889
I started to watch my son,
who was two at the time

879
00:43:22,890 --> 00:43:24,889
when I was still fearful.

880
00:43:24,890 --> 00:43:27,914
At the age of 11 I told
him about pornography

881
00:43:27,915 --> 00:43:28,689
and the dangers of it.

882
00:43:28,690 --> 00:43:30,229
He went to school one day

883
00:43:30,230 --> 00:43:33,359
and told me that his
friends had brought it.

884
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,250
I asked him "What did you do?".

885
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,289
Is this generation gone or what?

886
00:43:39,290 --> 00:43:42,749
He said "I walked away
dad. Just like you said."

887
00:43:42,750 --> 00:43:47,710
He was raised in
a public school,

888
00:43:47,930 --> 00:43:51,184
he is a computer engineer, he
could get around any defense

889
00:43:51,185 --> 00:43:54,374
you'd ever want to set up
and look at porn if he wanted.

890
00:43:54,375 --> 00:43:57,419
He has walked through
his life to the age of 23

891
00:43:57,420 --> 00:43:59,014
without looking at those things

892
00:43:59,015 --> 00:44:00,479
and without the
self stimulation,

893
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,289
all the things that I knew.

894
00:44:02,290 --> 00:44:04,819
So what God did for
you is stopped that

895
00:44:04,820 --> 00:44:06,369
when you said
"It will stop here."

896
00:44:06,370 --> 00:44:10,119
When he was 11 and he
said "I walked away."

897
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:15,010
I cannot tell you how
my soul just soared.

898
00:44:15,370 --> 00:44:18,459
Because everything that the
Stoeker name used to mean

899
00:44:18,460 --> 00:44:20,789
was crumbling and I knew it.

900
00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:24,690
You talk about excitement
and fun in life.

901
00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:26,829
That is watching
a destiny unfold.

902
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:32,490
Not just in my life but in
our life, in our kids lives.

903
00:44:32,710 --> 00:44:35,310
I have got to say something.

904
00:44:35,350 --> 00:44:38,929
When we did this show together
and during one of the brakes

905
00:44:38,930 --> 00:44:43,510
I remember talking to
you about a situation

906
00:44:43,770 --> 00:44:45,909
that happened to you and
you had talked about,

907
00:44:45,910 --> 00:44:47,979
I don't remember
exactly what it was,

908
00:44:47,980 --> 00:44:51,169
you talked about a girl
that had come up to you

909
00:44:51,170 --> 00:44:53,799
and when you realized
for the first time.

910
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:58,080
It's happened many times since.

911
00:44:58,330 --> 00:45:01,719
One of the things that I see
that we as men have lost

912
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:05,499
is the ability to be safe
for women to be around us.

913
00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:08,069
I believe that we
need to be heroic

914
00:45:08,070 --> 00:45:10,839
in our relationships
with women, not cool.

915
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,879
What we do is we spend all
our time trying to be cool

916
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,379
instead of being heroic.

917
00:45:14,380 --> 00:45:16,059
One of my goals in life is that

918
00:45:16,060 --> 00:45:20,499
no matter what woman comes
up to me she can feel safe.

919
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:24,059
If I'm left alone in a room with
a girl for a couple of hours

920
00:45:24,060 --> 00:45:26,289
she would know 100% she is safe.

921
00:45:26,290 --> 00:45:27,999
And when she stands next to me

922
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,759
and if she turns around and
bends over to get something

923
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,979
she knows I'm not going
to be looking at her rear.

924
00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:36,079
Right, because you
are a man of God.

925
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,360
We tend to look at women

926
00:45:38,430 --> 00:45:42,149
as an interesting collection
of body parts after a while

927
00:45:42,150 --> 00:45:44,639
if we get into porn
and those things.

928
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,829
But we need to see
them as fellow heirs

929
00:45:46,830 --> 00:45:49,999
to the kingdom of grace our
sisters, in absolute purity.

930
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,944
We need to see them that way.

931
00:45:51,945 --> 00:45:52,909
That's a transformation.

932
00:45:52,910 --> 00:45:56,704
There was a thing that you said
that absolutely got me.

933
00:45:56,705 --> 00:46:01,059
Is for the first time
you realized "I'm saved".

934
00:46:01,060 --> 00:46:03,829
And when you said that
to me when we were talking

935
00:46:03,830 --> 00:46:08,849
you started to cry and there was
some healing that happened to me

936
00:46:08,850 --> 00:46:11,629
that when I first came into
the church, and I came in

937
00:46:11,630 --> 00:46:13,434
hoping that there would
be people that were safe

938
00:46:13,435 --> 00:46:14,629
and I didn't find a lot.

939
00:46:14,630 --> 00:46:18,009
I don't want to say that in a
bad way but I didn't find a lot

940
00:46:18,010 --> 00:46:19,029
and all of a sudden I realized

941
00:46:19,030 --> 00:46:22,449
that God was working on
men today in the church

942
00:46:22,450 --> 00:46:26,779
and trying to bring them to
a place of integrity and safety

943
00:46:26,780 --> 00:46:28,474
for the other
folks in the church.

944
00:46:28,475 --> 00:46:29,609
You are our leaders.

945
00:46:29,610 --> 00:46:35,590
It did make me cry and it still
does because it's my dream.

946
00:46:35,980 --> 00:46:38,489
It's the thing that
God longs for us to be

947
00:46:38,490 --> 00:46:41,659
and it's important for
you to know, as a woman,

948
00:46:41,660 --> 00:46:44,019
that it's not just you
that He's working in,

949
00:46:44,020 --> 00:46:46,750
He's also working in the men.

950
00:46:46,860 --> 00:46:50,169
His goal is for all of us
to be walking normally

951
00:46:50,170 --> 00:46:51,539
the way He created us.

952
00:46:51,540 --> 00:46:53,159
At the beginning
of the show Curly,

953
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,439
I told I was going to
talk about how we met.

954
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:00,550
I met Curly in front of
a Chinese restaurant

955
00:47:00,660 --> 00:47:03,790
with a number
of kids in recovery

956
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:05,959
from Miracle Meadows School.

957
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,699
A couple of the kids were
from adult prostitution,

958
00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,110
one was a gang member.

959
00:47:11,310 --> 00:47:14,029
We all walked out and ran
into Curly and his wife.

960
00:47:14,030 --> 00:47:17,290
I just had to say
"Oh, excuse me,

961
00:47:17,450 --> 00:47:21,640
do you have any kind
of addictions to pain?"

962
00:47:22,290 --> 00:47:25,529
I remember just like
it was yesterday.

963
00:47:25,530 --> 00:47:30,289
A lot of people are like "Wow!
How many tattoos do you have?"

964
00:47:30,290 --> 00:47:35,520
I'm like "These aren't tattoos
these are birth marks."

965
00:47:35,790 --> 00:47:41,850
But I get that a lot and I don't
know if it's an addiction,

966
00:47:42,190 --> 00:47:45,819
I haven't really got
into it that much.

967
00:47:45,820 --> 00:47:48,774
You're telling me "I bet
you're addicted to pain."

968
00:47:48,775 --> 00:47:51,069
At that point I've never
thought about it like that.

969
00:47:51,070 --> 00:47:56,379
I was saying to the kids "A
lot of people tattoo and pierce

970
00:47:56,380 --> 00:47:57,709
because of
an addiction to pain."

971
00:47:57,710 --> 00:47:59,649
When I said that
you looked at me like

972
00:47:59,650 --> 00:48:01,839
"I don't think I'm
addicted to anything."

973
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:05,859
And all the kids looked like
"He's totally in denial."

974
00:48:05,860 --> 00:48:08,679
I guess that's the
first sign, isn't it?

975
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,849
So Curly, do you have
a question for Fred?

976
00:48:11,850 --> 00:48:14,709
It's not a question
but really a comment.

977
00:48:14,710 --> 00:48:19,680
You said that "God this
is one more promise."

978
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,119
And I believe that our God
is a God of one more promises

979
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,119
because if you don't have that
Satan will use that against you

980
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:27,589
to keep you exactly
where you're at.

981
00:48:27,590 --> 00:48:29,729
So our God is a God
of one more promise

982
00:48:29,730 --> 00:48:32,879
that you can make to Him no
matter what you have done

983
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:36,434
and I believe that you hit the
nail on the head with that.

984
00:48:36,435 --> 00:48:38,669
I agree that He is a
God of one more promise

985
00:48:38,670 --> 00:48:43,389
but sometimes we don't know
how we see it at the time.

986
00:48:43,390 --> 00:48:47,229
He is a God of renewal,
restoration, reclamation.

987
00:48:47,230 --> 00:48:50,579
That is His game, His only
game, that's what He loves.

988
00:48:50,580 --> 00:48:54,839
For me, even though I
couldn't see it at the time,

989
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,809
He was giving me
many opportunities.

990
00:48:57,810 --> 00:49:00,619
He was chasing me harder
than I was chasing Him.

991
00:49:00,620 --> 00:49:03,354
I guess all I can say is
that for anyone out there

992
00:49:03,355 --> 00:49:07,095
that would be struggling
at all with God

993
00:49:07,220 --> 00:49:09,219
in wondering if
He still loves you,

994
00:49:09,220 --> 00:49:10,999
I just want to say one thing.

995
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:15,690
He never stops loving you
and He will be after you

996
00:49:15,730 --> 00:49:17,949
with all of His heart
for all of His days.

997
00:49:17,950 --> 00:49:18,939
What He really wants

998
00:49:18,940 --> 00:49:22,659
is to have you step up
shoulder to shoulder with Him

999
00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:25,500
and fight this battle with Him.

1000
00:49:25,690 --> 00:49:27,219
He is not afraid
of your defeats.

1001
00:49:27,220 --> 00:49:30,579
If you make that decision
and you trip up

1002
00:49:30,580 --> 00:49:32,349
He's not afraid of your defeats.

1003
00:49:32,350 --> 00:49:35,109
He is willing to engage
those defeats with you,

1004
00:49:35,110 --> 00:49:39,189
learn what triggered things and
move into strength with you.

1005
00:49:39,190 --> 00:49:41,909
I guess what I would say is that

1006
00:49:41,910 --> 00:49:44,769
"Yes, He's always been
one right there for me."

1007
00:49:44,770 --> 00:49:47,599
In fact never been in
any battle with anyone

1008
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,549
that's more dependable
than the Lord.

1009
00:49:49,550 --> 00:49:53,419
When you say that I know from
myself I wasn't smart enough

1010
00:49:53,420 --> 00:49:55,689
to even know what
direction you're going to.

1011
00:49:55,690 --> 00:49:57,539
It's a joke up with me
because I'll lead you.

1012
00:49:57,540 --> 00:50:01,739
I didn't know what a covenant
with the eyes meant.

1013
00:50:01,740 --> 00:50:03,440
But God showed me.

1014
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:05,049
As soon as I made
the decision to say

1015
00:50:05,050 --> 00:50:07,589
"Look, Lord I'm on
your side on this."

1016
00:50:07,590 --> 00:50:10,239
He doesn't have any
trouble communicating.

1017
00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:13,399
Brenda, we have a few more
minutes of this segment

1018
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:19,570
so I would like to ask you: as
Fred was starting to come out

1019
00:50:19,830 --> 00:50:27,820
with all these kind of
addictions, how was that for you

1020
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:32,750
and what kind of encouragement
did you give him?

1021
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:36,799
I had an awful lot of learning
to do because, as I said,

1022
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:41,219
my background was a very
sheltered Christian home

1023
00:50:41,220 --> 00:50:43,069
and I knew very little
about male sexuality.

1024
00:50:43,070 --> 00:50:44,389
I had no idea where the roots

1025
00:50:44,390 --> 00:50:45,999
of these kind of
problems come from.

1026
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:49,659
I didn't know the differences
between men and women very well.

1027
00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:51,139
I had a ton of learning to do

1028
00:50:51,140 --> 00:50:57,640
so that I could look at his
situation with an understanding

1029
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,859
and truthful way of seeing it.

1030
00:50:59,860 --> 00:51:02,760
Instead of a frying pan.

1031
00:51:02,930 --> 00:51:04,090
Right!

1032
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,739
Because at first I'm sure it
was just a hard reaction

1033
00:51:09,740 --> 00:51:12,049
but then you said "I
have to educate myself".

1034
00:51:12,050 --> 00:51:14,349
When you find
out such differences

1035
00:51:14,350 --> 00:51:17,539
between men and women, it
makes an awful lot of difference

1036
00:51:17,540 --> 00:51:19,229
to learn that's
not all about me.

1037
00:51:19,230 --> 00:51:23,649
Most women first think that "Oh,
my Lord. I'm not good enough.

1038
00:51:23,650 --> 00:51:26,120
I'm not attractive enough."

1039
00:51:26,300 --> 00:51:29,929
And your self esteem
is just way down hill.

1040
00:51:29,930 --> 00:51:33,540
Those are lies, it's not true.

1041
00:51:33,780 --> 00:51:37,869
You have to be able to restore
your own heart with the Lord

1042
00:51:37,870 --> 00:51:39,639
and how He views you,
how He loves you

1043
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,034
and separate it from what
your husband has been doing.

1044
00:51:43,035 --> 00:51:45,279
It's something separate,
it's not your fault.

1045
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,109
There's just still
a lot to learn.

1046
00:51:48,110 --> 00:51:51,155
Fred, as she was
learning lessons

1047
00:51:51,190 --> 00:51:54,549
and as you were learning
as a couple how to survive.

1048
00:51:54,550 --> 00:51:57,300
Talk a few minutes on that.

1049
00:51:57,630 --> 00:52:01,099
One thing I would say
about Brenda is that

1050
00:52:01,100 --> 00:52:05,069
even though she didn't know
very much about this situation

1051
00:52:05,070 --> 00:52:08,949
she is a godly woman that
chases after God's heart.

1052
00:52:08,950 --> 00:52:13,439
And so, when she first started
to learn the differences

1053
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:17,660
between men and women
and our visual nature...

1054
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:21,329
I remember one time I was
talking to her about that

1055
00:52:21,330 --> 00:52:25,219
after sermon where a speaker had
mentioned that men are visual

1056
00:52:25,220 --> 00:52:27,949
and that women need
to respond to that,

1057
00:52:27,950 --> 00:52:30,464
I remember that night
when we got home

1058
00:52:30,465 --> 00:52:32,689
we were talking
about it and she said

1059
00:52:32,690 --> 00:52:35,799
"I suppose I have to
prance around the room

1060
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:40,140
with some cheap teddy
on, like a saloon girl."

1061
00:52:40,370 --> 00:52:43,099
I said "No, actually just a
bare shoulder once in a while

1062
00:52:43,100 --> 00:52:44,860
would be enough."

1063
00:52:45,110 --> 00:52:48,199
Because we don't think about it.
Yes.

1064
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:51,109
But that's exactly
what I'm talking about.

1065
00:52:51,110 --> 00:52:54,609
She visualizes that as something
different than what we need

1066
00:52:54,610 --> 00:52:56,969
and she just needed to learn

1067
00:52:56,970 --> 00:52:59,329
and I needed to learn
how she was seeing things.

1068
00:52:59,330 --> 00:53:01,389
We're going to
come back to that.

1069
00:53:01,390 --> 00:53:03,734
I want to say "Thank you!"
for being on this show

1070
00:53:03,735 --> 00:53:05,959
and you have been amazing
in my own recovery.

1071
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:08,190
I pray in your recovery.

1072
00:53:08,230 --> 00:53:11,719
You've heard what they've said,
that God doesn't care what it is

1073
00:53:11,720 --> 00:53:14,149
and I love that God
doesn't care what it is,

1074
00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:16,029
He doesn't care
where you are stuck.

1075
00:53:16,030 --> 00:53:17,774
He doesn't care
where it's started.

1076
00:53:17,775 --> 00:53:19,039
He just says "Your
are my children

1077
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:22,139
and I want to restore you,
not only you as a man of God

1078
00:53:22,140 --> 00:53:25,684
but you as a husband and
wife, and you as a family."

1079
00:53:25,685 --> 00:53:26,909
I can't wait to
meet your children

1080
00:53:26,910 --> 00:53:30,229
because they have
benefited tremendously.

1081
00:53:30,230 --> 00:53:34,269
It's a great blessing form
God and it fills my heart.

1082
00:53:34,270 --> 00:53:39,450
I want to say stay tuned
because we'll be right back.

1083
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:50,090
Amazing stories of real
people and real situations.

1084
00:53:50,420 --> 00:53:52,979
Discussing issues
that really matter.

1085
00:53:52,980 --> 00:53:55,224
The complete series of
Celebrating Life in Recovery

1086
00:53:55,225 --> 00:53:56,659
is now available on DVD

1087
00:53:56,660 --> 00:53:58,669
and can be ordered
by calling 3ABN

1088
00:53:58,670 --> 00:54:03,400
or online at 3abn.org
hosted by Cheri Peters.

1089
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,364
These series follows principles
of the book Steps to Christ.

1090
00:54:06,365 --> 00:54:09,224
See for yourself how God changed
the lives of the convicted,

1091
00:54:09,225 --> 00:54:12,064
of the accused and
victims of terrible crimes.

1092
00:54:12,065 --> 00:54:14,014
You'll won't want
to miss a moment

1093
00:54:14,015 --> 00:54:17,000
of these powerful interviews.

1094
00:54:20,750 --> 00:54:25,759
I was asked to speak to a group
of people in a recovery setting.

1095
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:30,779
So we had folks there, we
had people from the community

1096
00:54:30,780 --> 00:54:32,959
still strung out on math there.

1097
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:35,929
There were all kind
of different folks

1098
00:54:35,930 --> 00:54:38,889
but in the front row
were these bikers

1099
00:54:38,890 --> 00:54:41,184
and it caught me off guard.

1100
00:54:41,185 --> 00:54:43,349
My heart stopped and I thought

1101
00:54:43,350 --> 00:54:45,999
that I had a little
bit of fear come up.

1102
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:47,439
God said, "You know what?

1103
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,659
Everybody is here to find Christ

1104
00:54:49,660 --> 00:54:52,679
and you go on with
what you're doing."

1105
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:54,299
I really felt comfortable
with that

1106
00:54:54,300 --> 00:54:56,809
and I started talking
about the testimony.

1107
00:54:56,810 --> 00:54:59,949
I got to the story about the
bikers that I told you earlier.

1108
00:54:59,950 --> 00:55:02,649
We were talking about
getting beat up

1109
00:55:02,650 --> 00:55:04,549
and the girl being killed.

1110
00:55:04,550 --> 00:55:07,079
All of the sudden one of
the guys in the front row,

1111
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,480
a big guy, started crying.

1112
00:55:10,730 --> 00:55:13,964
I stopped, I couldn't help it
because he was trying not to cry

1113
00:55:13,965 --> 00:55:16,149
and I said "Are you all right?"

1114
00:55:16,150 --> 00:55:18,630
And he's like "No."

1115
00:55:18,850 --> 00:55:20,159
I said "Is there
anything I can do?"

1116
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:22,724
He's like "Could you
answer me a question?"

1117
00:55:22,725 --> 00:55:24,299
I said "What?"

1118
00:55:24,300 --> 00:55:26,060
He said "Was it me?"

1119
00:55:26,090 --> 00:55:27,809
And I'm like "No,
it wasn't you."

1120
00:55:27,810 --> 00:55:30,329
He thought "Was it
me that was the one

1121
00:55:30,330 --> 00:55:31,979
that hurt you like that?"

1122
00:55:31,980 --> 00:55:33,039
I said "No".

1123
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:38,630
I really realized that minute
that God was healing him.

1124
00:55:38,870 --> 00:55:40,589
At the same time
He was healing me.

1125
00:55:40,590 --> 00:55:43,609
It wasn't that He wanted to
heal me because I was the victim

1126
00:55:43,610 --> 00:55:45,999
He wants to heal
everybody at the table.

1127
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:49,479
Everybody involved with
this sin He wants to heal.

1128
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,319
For many of us, when
we honestly come to God

1129
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:55,439
we have no illusion that
there's any good in me.

1130
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:56,719
I personally welcome that.

1131
00:55:56,720 --> 00:56:00,019
Some say we have hit rock
bottom, nowhere else to go

1132
00:56:00,020 --> 00:56:03,770
and God says "I am
crazy about you."

1133
00:56:04,020 --> 00:56:06,289
I remember as I sat in the drugs
house trying to kill myself

1134
00:56:06,290 --> 00:56:08,709
God showed up, told
me that He loved me,

1135
00:56:08,710 --> 00:56:13,119
He wanted to pull me out
of all this mock, this pit.

1136
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,009
He also told me that
I was beautiful to Him.

1137
00:56:16,010 --> 00:56:17,180
I love that!

1138
00:56:17,350 --> 00:56:20,509
Even though I had never
seen any value in myself

1139
00:56:20,510 --> 00:56:22,029
I was a creation of His

1140
00:56:22,030 --> 00:56:25,119
and He wanted to show
me who I really am.

1141
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,479
He created me to be lovely,

1142
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,820
He created me to
have a sound mind.

1143
00:56:31,090 --> 00:56:34,234
I cried and I asked Him into
my life. Please do the same.

1144
00:56:34,235 --> 00:56:35,739
With all your junk,
with all your lust,

1145
00:56:35,740 --> 00:56:38,964
without all your short comings,
with all your insecurity.

1146
00:56:38,965 --> 00:56:39,829
Don't hide anything.

1147
00:56:39,830 --> 00:56:42,519
God knows all that, don't be
ashamed, don't hide anything.

1148
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,374
He doesn't want to condemn us.

1149
00:56:44,375 --> 00:56:45,439
He wants to heal you.

1150
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:49,679
He wants to fill you with
laughter, with hope, with joy.

1151
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,959
I want to say it to
anybody listening

1152
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:56,114
that you've got to hear
what was said on this show.

1153
00:56:56,115 --> 00:56:58,559
That God says "Every
single thing that you do,

1154
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:00,449
every single thing that
you've struggled with,

1155
00:57:00,450 --> 00:57:03,179
every single thing that you
hide, every single thing,

1156
00:57:03,180 --> 00:57:05,279
all the skeletons
in your closet.

1157
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:06,399
I've talked about all this.

1158
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,009
we all have skeletons
in our closets.

1159
00:57:08,010 --> 00:57:11,649
Bring the out, teach them
to dance, let God heal them.

1160
00:57:11,650 --> 00:57:14,219
I really believe that
with everything in me,

1161
00:57:14,220 --> 00:57:15,949
that He wants to heal.

1162
00:57:15,950 --> 00:57:21,209
And all of our junks is ugly, I
know mine was ugly, I know that.

1163
00:57:21,210 --> 00:57:26,169
When I think about the bikers
that were involved that weekend,

1164
00:57:26,170 --> 00:57:27,249
of the death.

1165
00:57:27,250 --> 00:57:30,879
Even Fred and Brenda, the
things they've gone through

1166
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:33,619
and the addictions that
Fred had to look at.

1167
00:57:33,620 --> 00:57:38,289
All that stuff is ugly and God
says, "I am a God of creation.

1168
00:57:38,290 --> 00:57:41,619
I created you in a
way that is healthy,

1169
00:57:41,620 --> 00:57:44,499
in a way that will
fill you with joy,

1170
00:57:44,500 --> 00:57:47,199
and I want to restore
in you all that.

1171
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,309
Next time on Celebrating
life in Recovery

1172
00:57:50,310 --> 00:57:53,359
we're going to talk to Fred
and Brenda Stoeker again.

1173
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:56,469
But this time we're
going to talk to Brenda

1174
00:57:56,470 --> 00:57:57,999
about what she went through,

1175
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,084
and Fred about how
to stay healthy,

1176
00:58:01,085 --> 00:58:02,629
how to walk through that,

1177
00:58:02,630 --> 00:58:05,889
what kind of things do I
need to learn from God,

1178
00:58:05,890 --> 00:58:08,670
and what is repentance.

1179
00:58:08,930 --> 00:58:11,870
It is a gift. When you get that

1180
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,109
you've got the
secret of recovery.

1181
00:58:14,110 --> 00:58:18,460
So always remember that
God is crazy about you.

1182
00:58:20,020 --> 00:58:23,090
See you next time. Bye bye!