TEEN PATHWAYS
Hi! You're not going to believe, I just went down to the lodge
and I heard somebody talking about their kemotherapy
and things that they dealt with this type of cancer,
she made me think about you, and I never had, I've never heard
about what actually happened, but while I was listening
to this story, it made me want to come up and say:
ask you what happened and have you tell us that story.
Yeah, I was 17 years old and I was getting ready for my senior
year of highschool, and my focus was completely on parties,
just an easy year of highschool, easy classes,
and I got back, I was involved with my church. I've been
a Christian since I was 8 years old, and still I didn't have
a relationship with Jesus at all, and I got back with my
youthgroup in a summer trip in Mexico and I just was really
tired and I was staying home a lot, that wasn't normal for me,
I was a person that was gone for a couple of days at a time
or whatever, and was just checking in with my parents,
tell them what I was doing and I was staying home a lot more,
and sleeping like 16 hours a day, and we have, my parents
have a spot at our home, they have stairs in their house and
I'd walk upstairs and I'd be tired, and I'd have to sit down
and rest and bruises started showing up on different places
on my body and stuff and so and my mum said that we'd go to
the doctor and just see what was going on. And so we went and
he said I don't think anything's wrong but let's have you go
and get a blood test at the hospital and we'll see.
And so we went and did that and the next thing like we went to
the hospital, got my blood test and we and we went home,
we live like 5 minutes away from the hospital and I'd
fall asleep in my parents' room and the next thing I
woke up to, was my mom, she was standing beside me and she
had like tears in her eyes and I could tell something was
wrong, and I just looked at her and she said that I had needed
to get up and we had to go to the hospital.
And so I started putting on my shoes and thinking that we were
just going to go and just drive down the road to the hospital
and she said that you need to pack a bag, we have to drive 3
hours to the hospital in Utah, it was a primary children's medical
center, and then it really struck me that something's
wrong because we had to drive, we couldn't just go back
to the hospital that was close and it was a hospital that you
had to be admitted to, like you just couldn't walk into it,
and I looked at my mom and just the question that came to my
mind was: am I going to die?
Did you ask her that?
Yeah and I just said: am I going to die?
And I that my mom was, she wasn't going to say no just to
comfort me, but I knew that she was going to tell me what she
knew and she couldn't say yes or no.
And so I was just really scared, I started to cry and thinking
I could die and then she called my dad at work to
tell him so we can all start to head to the hospital,
and then she told me that they had said I either had
some kind of anemia, or that I had leukemia.
And so for 3 hours I was riding and we went to Salt Lake
and what was running through my mind was what was my life about,
what did do. I knew Jesus and I knew that through our class
at different Sundayschool classes that we have a purpose
for our life and that came back to me and I was like, what's my
purpose, what did I do and just thought I had really waisted
a lot of my whole life and I here I am get and ready to die.
And I couldn't do anything about it. And then so we get to the
hospital and the first thing that I saw when hospital doors
came open, when these little kids and they were bald
and they were carrying around they dragged these with them
and stuff and the drugbags, their medicine and
stuff. And I was like, you know, I'm sick, and I'm tired but this
is not me. I'm not this sick.
So you thought about that it can't be this bad.
Yeah, because they had bald heads and I was like, I'm tired,
I have the flu, or something, it just did not click that
something that bad was going on. And so they began doing
different tests, and I think it was the next day, my friends
had, about 4 of my closest friends drove up to the hospital
and stayed with me and my parents were there
and the doctor came in and he had a diagnosis and he said
this is what we found out, he said that you have leukemia.
And then he, like after he said that, he went straight in
what they call roadmaps, and there are different therapies
that they can do like you can do this certain kind of kemo
and then this and this, just different things and choices
that I had, that they could start doing to me.
Oh, so nice! Didn't he just come in and say: this is what
we're going to do, he gave you alternatives?
Yes, I think there was about like 8 different choices
and he wasn't looking at my parents, he was looking at me
and he was asking me what I wanted to do.
And I was just, I think I checked out after he said
that you have leukemia, I was just thinking, I'm going to die
and I really wasn't listening to what he was saying.
And I was just thinking what am I going to do and so he started
explaining: this one works this procentage of time,
this one has felt this procentage of time and I knew that my mom
was going to be saying: "ok, God what do we do?"
Because I knew my mom is a woman of prayer, like definitely.
And just she is just a person that I look to a lot for
direction, as far, because I know she's going to be checking
she's going to be waiting and seeing what God is saying.
You know, just a question is that when you are in a situation
like that, do you actually really kick in and say
to your mom what she's saying, more so, than when you're
asking can I go out this weekend?
Yeah, I think like I would look my thought was, look to God
for big choices in your life or for serious things that
are going on and other than that, I just kind of make my
own decisions and make my own choices. But I knew that there
had to be one right answer. And so I wanted to find out
whichone it was. And I didn't know and so they laid out one
of them and they had just came out with it, they just really
used to like two weeks before I was admitted.
By then they had made up so much of it and then they stopped
and they said that if I chose this one, they'd see where
I was at that point, and then they'd go from there
and they'd never done it on anybody before and I was like
ok, that's not the one we were doing, and immediately dismissed
that one. And at the end I looked at my mom, and she's like:
I think we should do thisone.
The one that you had dismissed?
Yeah. I was like my mom checking in: did He say this one?
The one they said nobody has ever done it. They don't do it
And so she just felt that looked at my dad and my dad
was like ok, you know, let's do this one.
And so we started and I started out, taking some
pills like 3 three times a day and these pills actually brought
me into a remission where they couldn't, they looked at my
cells and that's where you can tell if something's wrong,
is the formation of your cells, and they said that I was
in remission and that I could go back and start my first
2 weeks of my senior year, do as much work as I can and then
come back to the hospital and start my first run of
kemotherapy.
And they wanted to do kemo, because it was just in case
measure and my mind at first I was thinking, just in
case, you want me my hair fall out just in case?
I didn't understand it at first but I got to go home
and start my first 2 weeks of my senior year.
I don't know about you, guys, but I'm trying to imagine
if somebody told me that I had leukemia and I'm facing
kemotherapy, could I concentrate at school, how did you do that?
And how could you go back and say: Oh, yeah, I'm doing fine
It was different, because, like the first thing that I said,
when I got back to my teachers is, I need as much work as I can
get, because I have cancer, I have leukemia and I was a
type of person that would joke around about something like
that, so my teachers were like: yeah, right, sure you do, or
whatever and I was like: no, really, I am serious and then
people's face changed. So it was different and here I am at the
beginning of the school year tell these, like you're not in a
school modiate, it's kind of new, things are happening, but
it was different. And I was just there for a couple of
weeks and then I was on my way, before I left I was in my room.
And I grew up, you know, you prayed over your food,
you prayed God bless us dayly and things like that and
I was siting in my room and I think that's the first
conversation I actually remember, having with God,
like conversation and I just said, I don't know, if I'm going
to die, still I could go back, have kemo, come back, it could
not work, all these things could happen and so
I just sat there and I just said that I wanted to know,
if I'm going to die.
Oh, it makes me feel like crying, it's so sad to me, it's an
incredible thing,
and I can remember hearing God say, like I don't remember
how it wasn't like this audible voice but I heard Him say,
He said I want you to read the book of Isaiah and read
a chapter each day and at the end you'll be healed.
Isaiah?
Yeah, and I didn't even know where Isaiah was in the Bible,
I didn't know how many books there was, I was hoping
there was like two and I went and I found a Bible and it was
one of my brother's old Bible, he never used it and it was 66
chapters and it was like from now moment on I had a peace that I
can't explain, like I was totally, you know, whatever
I had to go through or whatever it was, I was going to be ok,
because my 66th day came.
It's like when you had questions unanswered
because you worried about it and the day when you know
the answer it's easier to concentrate and go on.
I was totally focusing on day 66th and, so I went back
and started my kemotherapy and like my nurses were just like,
they told my mom: oh, I don't understand, she's just so calm
you I'd get up, I'd wake up, my best friend, Christina, she was
there pretty much, as much as I was, she was there
in the hospital with me and we'd have little jokes, like the
nurse had walked in and I still had my hair and everything,
the first time I had kemo, I used to have my hair and
the nurse had walked in and my friend, Christina being in bed
and I'd sit in the chair and so the nurse had walked in and be
with her little bloodtray and stuff, she used to come
and take your blood,
and she'd be: ok, which one is Karen" And I'd be pointing at her
No, no, no it's not me...
And so there were a lot of times it was either, we had to laugh
a lot or it's going to be harder and we, you know, my family is
a type of family, we laugh a lot.
You know in the Bible it says laughter is the best medicine
in something that happens to us when we can laugh.
I think about, too, when you said that all these things that
God says about praising: "praise Me in all situations
You know, it may seem really incredible, to you, but praise Me
anyway and I wonder if it's something, I mean, I think God
had a sense of that's how we heal.
Yeah. I had, after my second run of kemo I had, I went
through that twice.
Did you get sick?
Yeah. The first time actually I didn't. I was fine and then
the second time was really bad. And I just felt like
that feeling right before you throw up. I felt like
it 24 hours a day and it was like pretty nuzzy not feeling
good.
So, did you loose your hair the second time?
Yeah, the second time I did and like I'd wake up every
morning, and I'd kind of pull my hair a little bit, to see if it
would fall out and I'd be: no, that it's still sticking in
there, and I was just kind of joking around. The time,
that it did, we were actually in my home town in Pocatallo,
I was in a hospital there, and my mom had, went home
for something, I don't know and my dad was at work
and I was just sitting there and it was just coming out
and I filled up 2 garbage cans full of hair and I, like I
totally was thinking that it was going to be like the end
of my life. You know, losing my hair I thought, how much
worse can it get being bald, and I was so, I mean my mom
walked in the door when I was doing it and I could tell she was
just like ok, how do I act that at all, how she's doing
with this and she's like: are you ok? And I was like: yeah.
I was totally, I mean I can't explain, I was just pulling my
hair out and I was fine, I was totally like...
You had, to me I keep thinking were you fine, because you had
peace? You just knew that God was in control?
Yeah. I think...
You know to me, I think, I would just feel like histerical,
I'd be like on the ground, kicking my feet and say:
ah, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to deal with
this, and you know, when I heard that, I, to me, I'm amazed that
you know, just the thought of pulling your hair out
and filling bags up and...
I think I know how God talks about peace that passes all
understanding, like I don't understand, I mean,
because I think that that's how we react to, like I'd be
freeking out: my hair's in my hands and not on my head,
and it was just like I was I had no problem with it,
and so I went on and continued with my kemotherapy, we got
through that, and I would read my Scriptures, at night I would
read the chapters, and I'd read it because I had to,
and every times when I'd fall asleep, and I'd wake up and
remembered that I didn't read it and so I'd hurry through it,
and I wasn't at all hearing what God was saying to me, but I've
since read through the book and like even in the first
chapter it talks about women that lose their hair
It's incredible, how God was speaking to me through that
book but I didn't see it. I didn't hear that all
and so...
I love God, I just love how He does that stuff.
Yeah and so the 66th day happened to fall on the day,
you know, how on the roadmap when I said that they had
made it up to a point and then they were going to see where
I was at from there and then go on, the 66th day land was on
that day. And that day I had a pulmonary test
scheduled and that's where they can tell if it's there or
not, so they took the test and it wasn't there and they said
that they wanted to watch me for a certain amount of days
before I could go home. And so I was sitting there and I was
like: Oh, God what do I do now? I'm done with Isaiah, and what
do I do? And I felt like He said to continue reading into
the Book of Jeremiah, and I was like: ok. And I was just curious
as to how many days I had to wait and as to how many
chapters was in the Book of Jeremiah, and I still even
didn't know how many books were in the Book of Jeremiah,
and in this Bible that I was reading out of, I think it was
up to 17, and the rest of the Book of Jeremiah was not
there, like it wasn't there and that's how many days I had
to wait untill they said I could go home. And so, I just
haven't had any problems since.
You haven't had any problems ever since? And did they watch
for a while?
Yeah, in the beginning it was every couple of weeks
and then every sixth months, and then every year,
and it's coming up on 5 years now.
It's amazing how God works.
It's incredible.
So, what was Jeremiah, because you said you went back
not Jeremiah but Isaiah you went back and looked at that
again?
I think the thing that I got from the book and the reasonings
is I think that I had leukemia not because God said:
look, what she's doing, she's a bad kid, and I'm going to
give her leukemia, but I think God took a circumstance
to happen to my life and He wanted to get my attention
and He used it by, I mean I was not at all living my life
for God, I was not at all including Him in my choices
or in anything that I did, and I think He was saying: Hello!
And He got my attention and I'm grateful for having gone
through that experience.
I want to ask that, it's that, you know, to me I think that
I've heard that from people you've said I'm grateful,
because my life is so different now that He has my attention.
Can you talk about that a little bit?
Yeah, I mean that now I'm a missionary, right now and I'm
involved with the organization called: "Youth for the mission"
And I never went, if you would ask me 4 years ago if I would
be doing missionary, it would have been the furthest thing,
in my mind and yet since I've been involved with this group,
my life has never been the same. I just travelled around the
world, and I've got to see different people and I've just
been able to share with people what God's done in my life,
and what I do, have been seeing people's lives changed
changed through what, what we've been able to do, or how God's
been able to use us and it's just, my whole life is different.
I could imagine that if I was dealing with something that I
felt like there's no way and I'll never going to get out of
this, because when you went through it and you know that
God answers prayer and that God is right there, to me you would
be believable, it's a personal thing, I've been through this,
I've seen God's power, so that you live and you're healed.
And I mean it's amazing to see the difference on people's face
when, like if somebody that is in amidst of having cancer,
or somebody that's in amidst of something when they need hope,
or they need something to grab on to you can share with them your
story, you can share with them something that you've seen or
that you've been through. And just being able to give
that kind of hope to somebody, it's worth.
Have you ever read my favourite, it's just a favourite text of
mine, it's Revelation, I think it's 11:12, or 12:11,
where it talks about: "they'll know by their belief
in Jesus and their testimony." Have you ever read that?
When the first time I read that, what made me think,
is that our testimonies, like I could read a thousand miracles
in the Bible and not be as awestruck as somebody saying:
this happened to me 4 years ago and my hair fell out and I
really understood God and I was involved in all that and to me
I think that it's an, it makes it real to me that you're
saying: I know God and I've been through that and it's not
a story that I read somewhere.
It's amazing! That is amazing!
When you're going to a kemo, I heard that it's like
a poison, really?
So they make you sick to make you better. It's weird.
Yes, it's like, it kills the good along with the bad,
it just goes through your system and it kills like
this is what they said: it kills all fastgrowing cells,
that's why your hair falls out, because it's a fast growing cell
and so they had to kill it all.
Did it hurt when you pulled your hair or just did it fell like?
It was like, like, how can I...
I've died my hair a few times and I remember it killing
my hair and I had to pull it off when I was in the shower,
I just pull that hair and I was like: well, it's time to
shave it off because it was dead, I mean...
And I know how easy is to pull it out, it was on my had
and then it was in my hand.
I think that it was dead and so it just doesn't hurt.
You were funny: "I've died my hair a few times,"
What? Really? That's a story in itself, I think.
But I know, that's nothing to, I can't compare it to having
leukemia.
It's pretty scaring, pretty dramatic for me to see my hair
falling out.
To me, I deal with like vanity issues, did you have to deal
with any of those?
Yeah, I mean just as it's happening and my life
brought it up, I used to be, I mean my mom, she
she would ask me to go out to the mailbox and get
the mail in the morning and I would just be: "Mom, I haven't
taken a shower, I don't have my makeup on and I was just
sick, actually I was sick and wrong, but...
You didn't know right then, it's just the way it is.
And so I dealt with, a lot of, what are people going to think
about me, and I did, like after I was done on the 66th day
and went through those days, I still had half of my
senior year left. And then I had to deal with: "ok, what are
people in the school going to say? How my friends are going
to be?" And...
Because you went back to school with no hair?
No wig or anything, you just went back to school?
I was afraid to get a wig because I thought
somebody's going to be joking around, and pull my wig off
and I can't handle that. And so I wore hats and people were
incredible, they really were just the way that they acted
towards me and stuff, they treated me the same
as my junior, my senior year, which is what I wanted
like I didn't want anybody to treat me specialler or be
carefuller around me and stuff and so...
You just had true friends
Yeah, I was really impressed, I knew that the friends that
I have, were real friends and it was cool.
You know that's an interesting thing to go over, because I
never know what to say to someone that is really going
through a hard time or you know it's like what do you say
and do you just walk up and like if I was your friend,
do I walk up and say: cancer? I can't believe you got cancer.
Or do I not mention it,...
I think it's good to act normal, and if you have questions,
don't be afraid to ask them, I appreciated my friends'
realness and going: man, are you ok? Is it ok, if we
talk about this around you, I mean, you know, your normal
reaction, I think, from most people, I think would be
cool and just, you know, not trying to be different.
Because you would want to cry sometimes, or you know,
I'm crazy about you, you're my friend,this scares me,
Yeah, I know, my brother, when I was in the hospital,
he came and saw me a couple times and my mom just told me
he was, because he had a hard time seeing me like, you know,
in the hospital, and stuff and I understood that.
I understood that he couldn't be there every day or whatever,
just because it was hard for him, so...
Because your brother cares a lot about you.
When you first went into missionary work,
did you enjoy it, or did you still have to start?
I went with the intention of I'm going to learn a little more
about God, I'm not going to come home and I'm not going
to tell my friends about Him. I'm not going to become this
fanatical christian. And I went and God totally changed
my life, I mean I had a new perspective, that my life is not
for Karen, it wasn't for what I wanted to do, but had a purpose
and had a reason that I was alive and had a reason,
that I had a second chance, so, then I began to think
ok, I have times and I have a day set before me,
what am I going to do with it? And so I could propably
after my second school that I did, there's different
training schools but I just totally decided: God, I have
life because of you, what do you want me to do with it?
And so I've just been going and just asking that question
constantly, and He'd give me some new to do and then
I'll come to the end of that month and that'll be ok,
what do I do now? And I mean, He's always ready for something,
He always had some new for me to do, so,...
I think that and tell me if this is true for you, but I think
when I learned about doing missionary work or actually
trying to do what God puts in front of me every day,
my life became so excited, it's like, you know there is
that sense of I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow,
but I know it's good and I know it's going to be miraculous,
I know, I'm going to see miracles and just knowing that,
wouldn't have ever, I think, experienced that, had I not
stepped out and said: Lord, please, let me do
something for You, let me see Your power in what You're
doing.
Yeah, I think, every choice that I make towards God,
every choice that I make to obey and to do what He says,
life just keeps getting better, and yet there's hard times
and there's hard things, like I went to India, and lived there
for 6 months, and that was hard, but I look back on it now
and I would never take that time back, because I know what
I've grown, so much from there and so, yeah, I mean, it's
never a wrong decision to obey and do what God asks you to do.
Thank you for sharing your story, that is an amazing
story. I think about, you know, God says: whatever it takes,
I want you and I love you and I want you involved with
a relationship with Me and that He will work with whatever
is on our plate kind of to get us to see that. Doing missionary
work, I like that idea, or I like the fact that you brought
that up, because I think that, I just got back last, last year
I went to a missionary trip to Los Angeles and we took
125 teens to LA to work at rescue missions,
and in that rescue mission when I looked around and I
saw people actually come alive, come alive as they worked with
different people, at the shelter and at the aid center and
and we went to the foodpackk where we were packing our food,
and I think that whatever it takes to get us to look at,
doing service and reaching out, I think I'm grateful
what God does, what God does for us, I want to say
thank you for joining us on "Teen pathways"
and remember that when you're in the middle of a situation
that you don't understand, that you're not sure what's
actually going on, or that if you ever going to make it up,
or never going to get better, remember that God hears you,
He is in control, He's involved in your life,
and then thank Him and reach out to somebody else that needs
that same kind of message, that same kind of hope
and give it to them, share that with them. Thank you for
joining us on "Teen Pathways".