1 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:18,050 Teen Pathways 2 00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:21,630 Hey! How's it going? 3 00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:22,810 Hi! 4 00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:27,150 You know, we were talking about, we were talking about the new 5 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:29,970 age movement, how it relates to self esteem, 6 00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:34,840 and that's kind of odd, but the more I thought about it, 7 00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:39,670 the more I think that I'm, I had a friend in Sun Valley, 8 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:41,710 Idaho, and we just got to Sun Valley, Idaho for music feast, 9 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:45,420 and I had a friend come up to me and say: Cheri, I think that 10 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:49,100 we are like kindred spirits, and whenever that happens to me, 11 00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:53,020 I think: what does that mean? You don't want to say: oh, 12 00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:54,790 I think so, too, because you never know what they are talking 13 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:56,480 about, so I asked her exactly what she was talking about, 14 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,180 and she said: her belief, her spiritual belief is that we have 15 00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:06,200 we all grow with this additional DNA strand, so we have 2 DNA 16 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:10,910 strands, and there's people that further on an evolutionary 17 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,180 process that have this additional DNA strand, 18 00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:15,580 and it gets really strange, because she said that the 19 00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,900 additional DNA strands, I hope she doesn't watch this, 20 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:21,770 but through this additional DNA strand communicates to a mother 21 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,600 ship that is circling the earth and it's going to pull everybody 22 00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:30,880 in this evolutionary, evolutionary growth or walk, 23 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,260 and then I was just sitting there and saying, I didn't know 24 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,420 what to say, because what do you say? Oh, that's nice! 25 00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:41,360 But I, so she talked a little about that and she talked about 26 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,480 power in that and the fact that we are pulling the whole human 27 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,980 race and there was a sense of, the realization that people want 28 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:53,880 to be, feel powerful and want to feel like they are valuable, 29 00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:57,740 but like really important value and then I thought about satan, 30 00:01:57,770 --> 00:02:00,000 in the original text in the Bible, where satan says: 31 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,810 "I want to be like God, I want to be like you, and I thought, 32 00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:07,730 I wondered that like the new age thing is really an old age thing, 33 00:02:07,770 --> 00:02:11,620 and it has to do again with our self esteem and who we think we 34 00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:12,860 are. 35 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:18,600 I think people have to feel accepted, and through a lot that 36 00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:22,160 the new age things are a lot of the things are based on you, 37 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,660 you can be your own God, you can center your own life 38 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:29,430 around yourself, when actually we need somebody out there, 39 00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:36,740 than ourselves to take care of our lives, I think this is where 40 00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:37,960 God comes in and so definitely, 41 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,280 I was, when I first got in recovery, I was feeling like 42 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:44,270 I'm not good enough, I'm not important enough and I read 43 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:47,040 a book, somebody gave me a book called: "A woman who danced 44 00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:49,780 with wolves". Does anybody remember when that book came 45 00:02:49,810 --> 00:02:52,810 out? It was like a New York best seller book. 46 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,350 "Woman who danced with wolves"? 47 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:59,450 Uhm. And it was a myth about women throughout generations 48 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,670 that had been like mother earth, different cultural women or 49 00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:07,310 female entities that have been powerful and shaping earth 50 00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:10,920 and in Indian legends, I mean it talked about Indian legends 51 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:14,990 but as I read this book, all the sudden as a woman, 52 00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:19,000 I felt like so empowered, and then I realized how 53 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:22,360 kind of seductive the new age movement is, because there's 54 00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:27,510 this sense of me, when I was so damaged, that I needed to feel 55 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:31,880 empowered. And that philosophy offered me that. And untill I 56 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,540 actually looked in the Bible and understood what my, what God 57 00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:40,680 created me to be, like Genesis 1:26 that you were created in 58 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:44,790 the image of God. And untill I looked at that, I was trying to 59 00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:46,930 find something to give me a sense of power, because I 60 00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:51,750 I had none. What is it that you, when you think of self esteem, 61 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:54,100 what do you think about? What do you think it is? 62 00:03:54,140 --> 00:04:00,300 Being accepted. Having a chance to feel comfortable with who you 63 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:06,470 are, who is inside of you and be really, I guess feel your self 64 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:11,630 esteem, then you know what's inside of you and you accept 65 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:15,810 what you have, it's like: this is me, I'm not going to become 66 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,930 somebody else, you know, a lot of people wish that they're 67 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:23,040 going to, they see somebody else's life and they wish that 68 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,900 they had what they had, the neighbour next door with big 69 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:31,620 house and the nice car, and all that and it's like if they really 70 00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:35,040 knew what their neighbours' life was like, they probably 71 00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:38,420 would be more satisfied with their own, because you know, 72 00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,500 each one of us has all the potential in the world to 73 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,050 become whatever we want to. 74 00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:46,900 So the self esteem is being ok with yourself. 75 00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:47,810 With what you have. 76 00:04:47,850 --> 00:04:50,340 With what you have. You know, I heard one time and tell me 77 00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:54,310 what are you thinking, I heard one time that we develop our 78 00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:58,260 self image, our self esteem from the ages of birth to 6 years old? 79 00:04:58,290 --> 00:05:03,690 I think that's sort of true, because, you know, how your 80 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:06,740 parents treat you when you're that age, I think, has a lot to 81 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:09,760 do with, you know, like a lot of people that I know, like if their 82 00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:12,740 parents told them: you're worthless, you're not good to 83 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:16,250 anything, that's their attitude most in their life and that 84 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,720 doesn't mean they can't change that, but that's like the first 85 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:23,570 impression they get of themselves and I can see how that can be, 86 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,390 making an impression upon our lives, but I think people can 87 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:30,170 change, how they think about themselves, 88 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:33,200 So when you say, that your sense of self, that you, 89 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,200 it sounded like you have a strong sense of yourself, 90 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:38,960 and I know you and in a good way I mean that, 91 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,080 is that I kind of know who you are, right from the beginning 92 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,260 when we first met and you haven't changed, I mean you 93 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:50,300 are Joe and all that kind of stuff and so, were your parents 94 00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:53,120 nurturing to you, or was it that they... 95 00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,910 Truethfully? 96 00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:55,580 Yeah. 97 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:56,960 I really didn't have parents while I was growing up, 98 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:01,610 my parents, they don't like to admit that now, because we have 99 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,330 a really good relationship now, but as I was growing up, 100 00:06:05,370 --> 00:06:08,990 my prents' idea of a relationship with me was just, 101 00:06:09,030 --> 00:06:14,080 you know, give me money and then leave me. And I was raised 102 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,920 with 6, 5 brothers and sisters, well, actually I had 2 sisters 103 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,730 that lived at home full time and then another 2 that came home 104 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,620 to stay with us during the summer, because they are 105 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:29,720 half brother, I had a half brother and sister and they 106 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:33,760 stayed with us during the summer, and they did not, 107 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,170 that we weren't really close with our parents and as a matter 108 00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:38,550 of fact, we really didn't, I didn't know my father's name, 109 00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:40,140 untill I was 8 years old. 110 00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:41,660 You didn't know his name? 111 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:48,000 He really was dad, that was who he was. So, I can't kind of 112 00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:52,190 relate to people who don't really, you know that first 113 00:06:52,230 --> 00:06:55,330 where the statistics through the 6 years old, or whatever, 114 00:06:55,370 --> 00:07:00,690 you know, my mom and I were really close untill was about 115 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:06,010 4, and then she was just like, we separated, just me, and 116 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:06,890 myself. 117 00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:10,600 So where did you get that sense of...? 118 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:17,070 By, I don't know, I felt a lot, I looked at people, I looked 119 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,120 at people and I was like, analysed people and 120 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:23,040 I'd put them up on pedestrals so that the more I watched them, 121 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,930 the more I was like down, the more people I'd like, you know, 122 00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:28,380 I'd set somebody up there, I just thought they were that, 123 00:07:28,410 --> 00:07:32,250 everything put together and if I got to know them, figured out 124 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,590 they didn't have it all together, and so, you know, 125 00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:38,700 to me, that just made me want to be able to do what they couldn't 126 00:07:38,730 --> 00:07:42,370 do, and to try to succeed, you know, I don't always succeed 127 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,970 in everything what I wanted to do, but mainly the thing that 128 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:50,150 helped me develop a self esteem, is to set a goal and fulfill it. 129 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:54,290 And you know, it doesn't have to be a huge goal, just be doing 130 00:07:54,330 --> 00:07:58,420 one little task that it's impedious to somebody else, 131 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:03,280 but if you do, but I'd do that and I'd set a goal and made it, 132 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,490 and then I felt good about myself, and I came to the point 133 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,650 where I really didn't care what other people thought about 134 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,990 me, because I was just happy with who is inside, 135 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,460 Because you were so glad about who you were. 136 00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:18,930 I think that when I think about self esteem, I think that that's 137 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:25,270 got to be, it's being satisfied or glad about who I am. 138 00:08:25,310 --> 00:08:27,880 Any other thoughts on that? 139 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,360 I know, what just Joe said, sort of dawned on me, I'm still 140 00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:36,800 looking for that, because I've been living with only a mom, 141 00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:42,430 my whole life and not having seen her in 2 years since 142 00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:44,650 everything happened, it's just so hard for me, you know, 143 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,700 What's happened that you haven't seen your mom in 2 years? 144 00:08:47,740 --> 00:08:50,730 When I got sent to patch and stuff, I mean my situation back 145 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,540 home is I can't go home, because when I'm home, 146 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:55,900 I have to hide out, I mean, like I went home once, it was like 147 00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:59,220 I had to stay inside during the day and come out at night, 148 00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:06,050 you know, and it's just, it's really hard to talk, 149 00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:10,090 my self estem is fine, I'm happy with just knowing that, I always 150 00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:13,480 looked to other people and the whole time I had a mom 151 00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:17,720 who cared and stuff like that, it just, it really plays on my 152 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,970 mind, it really gets me, you know, it makes me feel awful 153 00:09:22,010 --> 00:09:26,190 inside knowing that there was love there, but I just didn't 154 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,570 want to accept it when... 155 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,870 So you know that you, do you know what I want to say for 156 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,090 people that don't know anything about you, Lenny? 157 00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:36,510 is that when you say project patch, that was at youth 158 00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:40,380 treatment centre, and you went to project patch, because you 159 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:44,220 stepped away from kind of how you were raised and what you 160 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,830 knew and got into drugs and dealing with that kind of thing, 161 00:09:45,870 --> 00:09:49,580 and so now you've come back and the last, how long is when 162 00:09:49,610 --> 00:09:50,540 the last year? 163 00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,360 It's been a couple of years, 164 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,110 Couple of years now, so you come back and now you're 165 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:59,720 dealing with all those kind of esteem issues and who am I and 166 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,010 what do I believe and... 167 00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:05,370 And it's truely really tough, I mean, it's like growing up, 168 00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:09,700 it's like I'd lost all those years, like I was 15 or 14, 169 00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:12,590 when I was doing my thing, I was 20/21, you know, 170 00:10:12,620 --> 00:10:17,320 I lost those years of growing up and having a family 171 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:21,410 and doing the family thing. I mean never once, I mean, 172 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,960 since I left, have I done a family thing, like my family, 173 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,450 like we didn't sit down to dinner and stuff like that, 174 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:32,530 and either my mom cook at the stove and my little brother and 175 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:36,570 I ate, you know, we never spent that family quality time thing, 176 00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:40,620 so now in life I look for it and I try to find it in other 177 00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:44,610 positive things, but it's just, like right now it's not 178 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:49,340 fulfilling me, you know and it's just like I need the love that 179 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:52,310 I didn't have then. 180 00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:53,940 And it sounds like what you're saying this because of everything 181 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,950 that happened, you have to find a way to do that, 182 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:57,640 within yourself, 183 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,230 within your relationship. 184 00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:03,130 Out of family thing I have to do it on my own, like I sort of 185 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:06,960 out a relationship, I'm like a relationship addict, 186 00:11:06,990 --> 00:11:11,780 you would say, I look for love in people what I lacked when 187 00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:16,560 I was little, I cling to people that way, and I, you know, 188 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,830 and I make families with other families, you know, 189 00:11:17,870 --> 00:11:22,170 and stuff like that, you know, because it's like what I didn't 190 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,470 have, I will make now, and make them my family, but it seems 191 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:29,390 like they're not my family, they're not my blood, 192 00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:32,270 so I'm still not going to have the same bond... 193 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,660 as my real family, yeah, 194 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,200 and it's something in your core that knows that, 195 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,300 it's that this is not my real family, even though I love them, 196 00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:41,270 they love me, you know, it's how 197 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,380 They mean everything for me, I would, like, just to go 198 00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:48,000 and meet a family, I would do anything for that family, 199 00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:51,510 I would give my whole life for that family, just because it 200 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:55,660 took a little bit of time out of their schedule they care for me 201 00:11:55,690 --> 00:11:59,770 and just treat me sort of like a family, but still you don't have 202 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:02,990 that bond as a blood family, you know, 203 00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:07,290 I think that to me, when I hear you because I didn't, my parents 204 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,130 were 14 and 16 years old, my parents were kids when they 205 00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:12,190 had me, they had no idea how to parent, 206 00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:16,000 and so most of my life I felt like I did the same thing, 207 00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:19,630 I was looking for a place, and I think because of that 208 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:23,190 self esteem for me, that's our self esteem is kind of attached 209 00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:27,720 to anything that feels like it satisfies, it feels like it sews 210 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:31,340 that place around me and I think, to me the new age movement 211 00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:36,140 is so seductive because it says you're part of the universe, 212 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:41,110 you're part of this whole thing and the energy and you know, it 213 00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:46,040 says all that, but it wasn't fulfilling either, I mean it's 214 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,700 not fulfilling either because the reality is, I'm part of God, 215 00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:54,210 I'm coming back to that I'm a part of God and how do I look 216 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:57,640 at my self esteem and figure out how important it is to understand 217 00:12:57,670 --> 00:13:02,690 who I am and what I am a part of. 218 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:08,810 I think when I think about self esteem, it's, your self 219 00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:14,010 esteem is what you, it's like a scale that you place your 220 00:13:14,050 --> 00:13:17,080 values on or what you have, you place it on a scale, 221 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:21,330 and put you know from 1 to 10, and you give yourself a 2, or 222 00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:25,370 a 3, or whatever you give yourself and like I asked myself 223 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,830 the question: who set those scales? Or what am I basing it 224 00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:33,940 on, if I ask myself, what's my self esteem, with what I look 225 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:38,750 like, you know, do I compare myself to the models in 226 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:43,520 magazines? Or my peers around me and most of the time, if I deal 227 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:47,430 with that, if I deal with things that are around me, what I think, 228 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:55,480 most of us today try to compare ourselves too, we're going to put 229 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,850 expectations up here, that what we are not going to meet 230 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,750 and we're constantly being dissappointed or we're constantly 231 00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:05,040 feeling let down or like we don't measure up and so, 232 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,850 I think and what I've learned, or I'm still learning, 233 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:12,600 and trying to learn, is God is a person that we look to 234 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:16,190 He's the one that we look to and when we find out who we are 235 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,320 supposed to be, or find out who we are, it's not like we are 236 00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:22,370 going to be the same but He, you know, there's different 237 00:14:22,410 --> 00:14:25,510 things that He has set out and that's why we base our scales 238 00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:29,180 on and start to do it that way and you're never let down, 239 00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:33,360 because He talks about how we were created in the image of 240 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,510 God and He's pleased and He looks at us, and He is just 241 00:14:37,550 --> 00:14:39,910 like totally amazed and that's how... 242 00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:44,190 Even in Genesis 1:26 it says "I created man in my image 243 00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:48,430 and all that and at the end of that whole thing it says 244 00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:49,960 and it was very good. 245 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,650 And this was very good. You know I think about you as you're 246 00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:58,700 talking, I remembered your story, you told me your story 247 00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:01,880 awhile back when you had leukemia, and you were sitting 248 00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:05,400 in a room, doing kemotherapy and like pulling your hair out 249 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,440 your hair out. Did that? Can you talk about that and tell 250 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,200 that story and did that have to do anything with your 251 00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:13,880 self esteem? Did you deal with issues during that time? 252 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,990 I think before my hair fell out, because I knew it was coming, 253 00:15:18,020 --> 00:15:22,670 I knew it was going to happen, and I was a person like, 254 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:27,330 I wouldn't walk out to the front door without having my 255 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,590 makeup done, and my hair done, taken a shower, 256 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:34,230 and I was really sick, but, and I'd put a lot into the 257 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:38,830 outside, of who Karen was or who I thought Karen was, and 258 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:41,860 then this happened, got leukemia, 259 00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,660 and my hair was really going to fall out and I thought it 260 00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:47,400 was going to be end of the world, you know, being bald, 261 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:52,310 and my senior year in highschool and I thought it was going to be 262 00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:54,040 the end of my life. 263 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:59,270 I think that personal experiences like we're, I read it, figure 264 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,960 as concerning your self esteem. 265 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,590 How did you learn that though? 266 00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:08,330 Because you know, I would, I never, I don't know, 267 00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:12,520 it's just like, the supermodels, you know, they just so much, 268 00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:16,630 they are so much better looking than you are. And there's 269 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:20,190 no way, I look at myself and say there's no way I'm ever going 270 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:21,940 to be like somebody like that, 271 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,560 Do you know what? Because Joe I know that now when you got 272 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:30,380 through in a fairly serious accident and your whole, 273 00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:34,600 you changed from who you were before and after the accident, 274 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,790 and did you learn anything about how your, what you look like, 275 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,590 is not important from that? 276 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:44,370 Yeah, I did, I learnt a lot of things about that from my 277 00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:48,850 accident. You know, sitting, lying down on your hospital bed, 278 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,140 and not being able to move, and you sit there and you think: 279 00:16:52,170 --> 00:16:55,820 for what good am I? I'm not good for anything, I can't work, 280 00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:59,920 I can't you know, I can't build anything, I can't help anybody 281 00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:03,980 do anything, and I can't really, I just, I was worthless in my 282 00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:09,200 own highs ad one day this woman came in and she had been 283 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:14,360 in a car accident about 4 years before, and she had this dog, 284 00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:17,740 and she brought the dog and it was retriever, 285 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:21,360 like a golden retriever, and she was training it and she 286 00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:25,810 would bring it for the smaller kids, like the ortopedic and 287 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:29,140 stuff to come and check, you know, play with the dog, 288 00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:32,980 to have a little bit fun and and she had the same thing 289 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:36,780 happen to her that happened to me, but she didn't recover, 290 00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:40,590 and that time I was still in my bed, and I didn't move 291 00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:45,060 very much either, and she came to me and she just talked to me 292 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:49,350 and she gave me that sense of confidence, she just made me 293 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:53,600 feel like, you know, she made me feel good and seeing what she 294 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,720 did, she just seemed so comfortable with herself, 295 00:17:57,750 --> 00:18:01,760 and how much she just appreciated just to be able 296 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,800 to come and to see the kids smiling, because of her dog, 297 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:09,800 it just made me feel like I can still, even in this state, 298 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,420 even lying in this bed, I'm still, I can still do 299 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:17,000 something, I can still help somebody, I can still make 300 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:17,870 somebody smile, 301 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:20,230 Because at that time you were paralized, right? 302 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:25,420 Yeah. And so, they just gave me hope, so what I could do, I mean 303 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,270 it wasn't like, I always said, I was just, you know, 304 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:31,060 happy and be hunky dory with myself and everything was fine, 305 00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:36,270 but it was just a sense of like fulfilment, it was just... 306 00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:41,450 And that realization of self esteem or who I am, is not what 307 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:45,990 I look like. I said that is an incredible realization, 308 00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:48,100 that it's more than what I look like. 309 00:18:48,130 --> 00:18:52,030 And one thing is that I find with helping people and stuff, 310 00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:55,280 like if it's your friend's birthday or something, 311 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,510 you go and you buy him something and give a present to him, 312 00:18:58,540 --> 00:19:01,770 and you feel totally good about yourself, it's just like in 313 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,120 helping somebody else, you just feel great, it's the most, 314 00:19:05,150 --> 00:19:08,430 it's the best feeling you can describe, basically that I could 315 00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:10,760 think of. And I think that that can help a lot 316 00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:13,010 somebody to look low of your self esteem, 317 00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:21,910 The current psychological trends say that before I can help 318 00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:25,010 someone else, I have to help myself. Do you buy that? 319 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,910 I think that by helping somebody else, you're helping yourself. 320 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:33,550 Exactly. To me, don't you think, that sometimes people get 321 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:38,130 wrong in that? I got to help myself first and so I get so 322 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,550 selffocused, and then I realize it's not working, maybe I'm not 323 00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:44,830 helping myself enough. Oh, maybe it's not enough yet. 324 00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:46,010 And then... 325 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:49,770 I picked up on what Joe was saying about that lot of people 326 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,460 like to compare themselves to others, comparing yourself 327 00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:57,220 to supermodels. From what I've heard, hearing, watching shows 328 00:19:57,250 --> 00:20:01,230 on supermodels, lot of them don't have the self esteem that 329 00:20:01,260 --> 00:20:05,210 a lot of my friends have, that aren't models, just because 330 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,070 they look good, it doesn't necessarily mean they have 331 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:11,150 the self esteem. 332 00:20:11,190 --> 00:20:14,140 To feel so good inside, you know, they starve themselves, 333 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,750 and stuff like that, 334 00:20:16,790 --> 00:20:19,580 or heroine addiction, as I read some models that were really 335 00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:21,240 heroine addicted. 336 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,950 They cheat to compete, you know, 337 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,380 They are fake, it's like they're fake, 338 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:27,980 just fake, 339 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:31,180 and people base themselves on fake people. 340 00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:33,080 to make themselves look better, 341 00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:35,710 there is not, and they keep on having to deal with it, because 342 00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:38,300 they just aren't happy, they will never be happy with 343 00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:42,030 themselves, with they can't find something inside there... 344 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:44,020 I heard somebody and they weren't into modelling, but 345 00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:48,510 I heard somebody talk about you know, I look in the mirror 346 00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:52,490 and I tell myself I can't believe, I can't believe you're 347 00:20:52,530 --> 00:20:56,280 so fat, I can't believe you're so ugly, and that they talk to 348 00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:59,910 themselves all the time like that. And what do you think of 349 00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:03,500 the negative self talk? Do you, it doesn't influence your self 350 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:06,070 esteem, I mean, will it block? 351 00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:12,000 I think so, I mean I got, in my own example of that in its 352 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,480 with singing and like I can remember there would never be 353 00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:20,520 a time I'd get done and I'd be satisfied with what I heard, 354 00:21:20,550 --> 00:21:25,080 how it went. It was always I could have done better here, 355 00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:29,600 I could have done this, I could have done that and uhm... 356 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:36,140 I guess, I mean to me an answer is: everything I do, or whatever 357 00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:41,530 I look like, anything that comes out of me, is for Jesus and so 358 00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:45,930 if I do it to my best, if I do it with all that I can, 359 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:51,250 so I can do. And I have to be happy with that, I have to be 360 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,020 ok with that. 361 00:21:53,050 --> 00:21:56,860 When you use that example about singing, I've heard you sing, 362 00:21:56,890 --> 00:21:59,800 and every time you sing, I'm so blessed and I think: 363 00:21:59,830 --> 00:22:04,180 oh, that is beautiful. And the first time I heard you say 364 00:22:04,210 --> 00:22:08,030 you know the first time we met, you said: I wish I could be 365 00:22:08,070 --> 00:22:12,750 comfortable after. And I thought: well, I'm comfortable. 366 00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:17,400 it was so good. But it is funny what we tell ourselves, 367 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:23,490 it's a big deal. If I can relax and if I can enjoy who I am, 368 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,860 or my talents, it depends on what I say to myself. 369 00:22:25,890 --> 00:22:32,070 When that comes out in your personality too, I tend to be 370 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:37,310 a perfectionist. I enjoy drawing portraits of people a lot of 371 00:22:37,340 --> 00:22:41,850 times, but I for a long time enjoyed doing it, but I could 372 00:22:41,890 --> 00:22:45,660 never going to get through doing wrong, because it wouldn't be 373 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:49,430 right to, I couldn't get to that point where I could actually 374 00:22:49,470 --> 00:22:51,780 riken??? enough to start messing with it, you know, 375 00:22:51,810 --> 00:22:54,050 and have to release and go back and do it again, 376 00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:58,750 and rerace it and I'd get to a point where you get upset 377 00:22:58,780 --> 00:22:59,920 with yourself, 378 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:01,060 I messed it up. 379 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:01,160 Yeah. 380 00:23:01,190 --> 00:23:04,760 I'm like that. too. I mean I draw and I have to get that 381 00:23:04,790 --> 00:23:08,130 fine edge in there, that fine line, straight line and it was 382 00:23:08,170 --> 00:23:11,470 something's going on and that's the way people are sometimes, 383 00:23:11,510 --> 00:23:14,340 they just want everything right then, right there, 384 00:23:14,370 --> 00:23:18,330 and they're right a way, you know, that's just, that's the way 385 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:22,290 people are, perfectionists, it's just the way people work. 386 00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:29,650 I think that with self esteem and self image, I think that 387 00:23:29,690 --> 00:23:31,440 your self image can affect your self esteem, 388 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,340 because if you have a bad self image about yourself, 389 00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:38,430 you think that you're ugly and fat, then you have a law 390 00:23:38,470 --> 00:23:41,490 self esteem about yourself, but if it's just the opposite, 391 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,690 then I think you have a really high self esteem. 392 00:23:43,730 --> 00:23:45,830 Because I know that if I'm having a really bad day, 393 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:49,200 and feel like I'm not looking right, then I know my self 394 00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:53,090 esteem does go a way down and I just I feel law about myself, 395 00:23:53,130 --> 00:23:56,380 and I agree that your family does affect your self esteem, 396 00:23:56,410 --> 00:24:01,100 because my family, I was just raised by my mother, 397 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:04,520 for all my life and she's really, she's been a strong 398 00:24:04,550 --> 00:24:08,000 point in my life, and she told me that I can do anything, 399 00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:11,440 if I put my mind to it, and it's really helped boosting my self 400 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:17,010 esteem, and I think she's really helped me and... 401 00:24:17,050 --> 00:24:21,320 It's amazing that somebody that helps and nurtures and helps 402 00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:24,610 you know, I feel like, that one of the things that help me 403 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,920 the most, because, I mean I always had this background of 404 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,850 you know, my parents were not nurturing me, and being on the 405 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,940 streets and all that kind of stuff, then I could not get 406 00:24:33,970 --> 00:24:36,880 a sense of myself that once I got a sence of who I was 407 00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:41,130 biblically, once I got the sense of, I heard somebody talk 408 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,300 one time that said that we are a priest of God in a royal 409 00:24:45,340 --> 00:24:49,540 priesthood, and I just imagined, the priest that I have seen, 410 00:24:49,570 --> 00:24:52,640 like at different places where they have the robes on 411 00:24:52,670 --> 00:24:57,570 and the vest and they just look so important, it's just so cool 412 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:02,470 it's just so cool, that we are a priest of God and that we were 413 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,080 made in the image of God. And when I think of that, 414 00:25:05,110 --> 00:25:07,650 I think: wow! And you said something, I wish you would say 415 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,190 it again, you said something about being warriors for Christ 416 00:25:10,220 --> 00:25:13,310 one time. 417 00:25:13,350 --> 00:25:18,890 Just that God is looking for a generation, is that what 418 00:25:18,930 --> 00:25:19,690 you were talking about? 419 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,200 Just that He's looking for a generation people that will 420 00:25:23,230 --> 00:25:26,960 not forget their past, but learn from that and use that 421 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,690 for the kingdom of God, you know, He's looking for kids, 422 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:35,920 people, a generation that will start out for Jesus, 423 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,960 and to, I mean that's just too, that generation of warriors. 424 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,670 So a generation of warriors. and when you think about, 425 00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:45,340 You think of your self esteem, you're fine feeling like 426 00:25:45,370 --> 00:25:49,260 you know, that I'm not ok, if I'm feeling like, 427 00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:53,120 you know, I'm fat, I'm not attractive, I'm this or, 428 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,440 nobody really cares about me and then I look in the Bible 429 00:25:56,470 --> 00:26:00,120 where it says God is looking for a generation of warriors, 430 00:26:00,150 --> 00:26:03,730 He's looking for a royal priesthood, He is looking for 431 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:08,640 people to reflect His image and that we were created to do that. 432 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:14,050 And I just, it amazes me, because I think, I think, 433 00:26:14,090 --> 00:26:19,390 well, do you mean me? And He says: yeah, I mean you. 434 00:26:19,430 --> 00:26:25,280 For me, when I look at that, when I really get in touch with, 435 00:26:25,310 --> 00:26:30,320 that I was created in the image of God, and that in 436 00:26:30,350 --> 00:26:33,810 the image of God I can relax about who I am, 437 00:26:33,850 --> 00:26:38,360 who likes me, who doesn't like me, and just be comfortable 438 00:26:38,390 --> 00:26:42,940 with I am created to be who I am. God is ok with who I am, 439 00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:46,570 and not ok that I don't have to look at issues that I don't 440 00:26:46,610 --> 00:26:51,250 have to work on my anger, work on things that are really 441 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:55,620 right, but ok in the fact tat I know God is going to 442 00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:59,960 help me with that and God is going to make sure that I 443 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,250 understand what it means to be created in His image, 444 00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:07,090 and when I think that I'm worthless, when I think that 445 00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:10,890 I've got to somehow get in a relationship like Lenny was 446 00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:12,940 was saying, as for as his relationship addictions, 447 00:27:12,980 --> 00:27:14,920 when I think I have to get in a new relationship 448 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,150 and feel better, I have to know that the only relationship 449 00:27:18,180 --> 00:27:22,390 I really need to be and to feel better, is my relationship 450 00:27:22,420 --> 00:27:26,550 with God, because He says Genesis 1:26 that I created you 451 00:27:26,590 --> 00:27:30,770 in my image and after I created you in my image, I looked at 452 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,950 you, I looked at all this and said that it is good, it is very 453 00:27:34,990 --> 00:27:37,690 good. So, please, remember, when you're feeling low 454 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,040 about yourself, remember when things are not going right, 455 00:27:41,070 --> 00:27:44,350 that you were created in the image of God, and that is a good 456 00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:46,910 thing. Thanks for joining us on Teen Pathways, 457 00:27:46,940 --> 00:27:48,940 and see you next time.