1 00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:15,230 TEEN PATHWAYS 2 00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:20,400 Hi! 3 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,830 Hello! 4 00:00:21,870 --> 00:00:24,580 We were just talking around talking about, I can't believe 5 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:27,510 you were talking about this. You were talking about depression. 6 00:00:27,540 --> 00:00:30,400 And I was, it was funny, because we were trying to figure out 7 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,190 even what the definition of depression is, 8 00:00:33,230 --> 00:00:36,340 and I've known people that are depressed, and that I've also 9 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,450 known people that have actually gone out and killed themselves. 10 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,140 And so to me, I think, well that's deprssed. 11 00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:45,720 And so I wondered, if you guys have, what's your idea of 12 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,700 depression? What do you think? 13 00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:50,820 I think that it's like when you feel thrown out, or something 14 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:55,870 or whatever you're normally you are not as talkative or whatever, 15 00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:59,510 and you just hold back all this anger, you don't want to be 16 00:00:59,550 --> 00:01:02,590 bothered, you just want like dwelling it for a long time, 17 00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:06,150 It's amazing to me, because I kind of grew with that, 18 00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:09,630 and when I start, I'm really talkative, you know that, 19 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,400 I'm really talkative and so all that and when I start getting 20 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,870 fired, people that know me, they're just like: 21 00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:17,660 Oh, Cheri it's not true, and so it's a big difference, I'm 22 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:21,420 really different when I start feeling bad or feeling angry. 23 00:01:21,450 --> 00:01:22,820 Those two... 24 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,250 If you like feeling when I was depressed, I did exactly the 25 00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:29,610 opposite, I was like totally happy, and I always had this 26 00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:32,930 smile on my face and I was just like, I was just like, because 27 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,680 I tried hard to hide it while I was just like overexcited 28 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,240 all the time, and just overhappy and just trying to be like this 29 00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:40,680 whole optimistic person all the time, and I think 30 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:45,120 like for some people, like for me, it's, they try, it's kind of 31 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:46,980 it's like that they're such a fake person, you can't 32 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,250 tell, because they are trying so hard to cover up what they 33 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,930 feel well, either good about themselves or good about 34 00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:54,580 what's going on and it's like you can just tell, because 35 00:01:54,610 --> 00:01:56,120 they're being way too happy. 36 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,240 Did your friends feel that? Did your parents feel that? 37 00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:00,920 Actually my friends just thought I was just in some kind of bad 38 00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:03,410 sugar kick. 39 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:08,840 I think that, that's like not me at all, because when I'm 40 00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:11,400 depressed, everybody knows I'm depressed. 41 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,280 It's like, it's just shows through me totally, 42 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:17,110 because I'm so, I'm like a really happy person, 43 00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:19,900 most of the time and really I have a goal and stuff, 44 00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:22,000 but when I'm depressed, everybody knows. 45 00:02:22,030 --> 00:02:25,460 So, I don't have to guess. 46 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:27,520 It's just the same with me. I hate telling people that I 47 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,780 feel bad, so I'd rather just go through and just not say a word 48 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:34,000 the entire day than actually go up and say: I really feel 49 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,950 horrible, leave me alone, you know, I just kind of like 50 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:40,740 retreat this little show, I just go: don't talk to me! 51 00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:44,140 I heard you one time, Winter, say that if I'm depressed 52 00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:47,500 or if I feel bad, then it somehow means that I'm not 53 00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:48,320 a good Christian. 54 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:52,190 Uhm. It just seems like when I do something or say something 55 00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:56,120 that is really stupid, I'm like oh! And I get really upset 56 00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:00,010 about it, that being upset about it is actually an other sin, 57 00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:02,940 or so a bit, because Christians are supposed to be happy, 58 00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:05,830 and that's an other thing: are we actually supposed 59 00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:08,420 to be happy all the time? You know. 60 00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:11,210 You know, I think of Paul. The Biblical Paul, and when 61 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:14,210 he is in the Bible, and he's talking about going from place 62 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,560 to place and being thrown in prison. I just don't see him 63 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,860 with like: oh, isn't this fun? I'm having such a great time 64 00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:25,440 so sometimes I think that even when I go to church and do 65 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:30,220 like a study, like the weekly study, that people feel guilty, 66 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:33,690 about feeling depressed or feeling, even just feeling low, 67 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:37,180 just feeling like I don't feel like blubbering or smiling, 68 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:40,980 and if you ask me how I am, I'm not going to say fine, 69 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:44,560 It's my mom, she's like, she gets really depressed, 70 00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:48,060 and then she has to go to church or something, she's like 71 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:52,320 she'll just put on this mask and like try to act like nothing's 72 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:56,550 wrong. And that's how, it's like that's how I look at everybody, 73 00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:59,280 that goes, you know how my parents are, they go to church, 74 00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:03,160 and its like everybody is coming there with masks on, 75 00:04:03,190 --> 00:04:06,960 and trying to cover up what's really going on at home 76 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,670 and you know, they are really happy and that no one's happy 77 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,550 all the time. 78 00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:18,190 It seems like the one place if you would be at least, you would 79 00:04:18,220 --> 00:04:22,780 be a jerk, because, like my mom says, the church is a hospital 80 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:25,790 for sinners, not a showplace for saints. 81 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:29,920 A friend of mine is an artist. His name is Larrice Chesterton 82 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:34,530 and you know Larrice, Larrice Chesterton and he did a cartoon 83 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:39,100 one time and the cartoon was, a number of people coming 84 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:40,600 into church at the very beginning of the service, 85 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:44,130 and people had like their legg all bandaged up and had like 86 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,620 the big head thing, bandaged with blood on this side of the 87 00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:51,410 head on their head and they had their arms bandaged incanes 88 00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:54,510 and fresh bruises and bandages on their face and stuff, 89 00:04:54,550 --> 00:04:57,710 and somebody says: oh, Mr Smith, how are you doing? 90 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:00,840 And Mr Smith just exuberantly says: Oh, I'm doing fine, 91 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:04,910 how about you? And I laughed and it's exactly what you guys 92 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:08,950 were saying, is that it's hard to know or believe someone, 93 00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:12,830 if you, if you see through that. 94 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:16,490 I think that depression really is just a feeling being 95 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,630 overwhelmed like you have too much to face and like you 96 00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:22,700 you don't, you have no way of doing and I think that Christians 97 00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:25,930 a lot of time feel guilty about it, because they are supposed to 98 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,920 depend on God, He's all powerful and everything and then we 99 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,850 as humans like, when we're depressed, we're feeling like, 100 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,060 you know, it's like, it's almost like we're doubting His power 101 00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:40,240 and so I think that's where we get that sence that we're doing 102 00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:43,420 something wrong and you know, we always try to hide that 103 00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:47,090 that feeling, because you know, when you go to church, 104 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:51,480 you're supposed to be like the perfect example of Christ 105 00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:55,830 and you know, Christians like to put on, like she said, 106 00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:59,950 put on like a show for... 107 00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:04,710 Some, I remember one time feeling really bad about, 108 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,570 I was just going through some recovery issues and I was, 109 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:11,670 I had to look at the last issues from my childhood and it was 110 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:14,260 so hard for me, because I didn't know how to deal with 111 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,680 them, I didn't know how to look at them, and I knew that I had 112 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,410 to, I knew that, you know, something I had to look at 113 00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:23,430 and I got depressed about that, and I felt like I wanted to talk 114 00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:27,400 to somebody, so in church I sat down with somebody that I really 115 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,150 respected their opinion and I said what I was going through 116 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:33,850 and I felt depressed, and the response was: well, have you 117 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:37,520 prayed yet? And I thought: well, yes, I think it's that and 118 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:41,800 I think we do have a tendency to think that depression 119 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:45,130 has to do with how good or bad our prayerlife is, or how good 120 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:49,150 or bad our relationship with God is. Do you believe 121 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:54,640 that it has to do with that or not? And if not, what do you 122 00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:56,030 believe depression stems from? 123 00:06:56,070 --> 00:07:00,770 Well, I think that, you know, I heard from someone that 124 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:05,440 anger and depression are similarly related, because, 125 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:10,010 you know, anger is like when you show your anger, when everyone 126 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:14,540 knows you're angry, so it's not like someone has temperance 127 00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:19,330 is going to get depression, but people who are angry 128 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:24,050 inside, you know, they don't they don't show it, 129 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:31,110 and then it just builds up inside and then it turns to 130 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:38,130 depression and that, I heard that anger is, it like makes 131 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,290 your body function, you know, if you get depression, 132 00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:45,680 sometimes and you just keep it held inside and it just... 133 00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:50,860 You know, I've heard the same thing that anger is depression 134 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:55,750 turned inward and there is a doctor, doctorn Rolly Albert 135 00:07:55,790 --> 00:08:00,580 from California and he wrote a book on the fact that if 136 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,870 you hold it in there long enough and don't deal with your 137 00:08:03,910 --> 00:08:07,170 feelings long enough, that it actually will turn into medical 138 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,430 disorder, let's say, like if you hold your anger, you can end up 139 00:08:10,460 --> 00:08:15,540 with cancers and different, ulcers, high blood pressure, 140 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:20,910 and there is a, there is a belief that, I think like 141 00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:26,200 85-95% of all our illnesses are because of the way we 142 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,950 are holding our emotions and not being able to deal with our 143 00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:31,680 emotions. And to me, when I think of that, I just get 144 00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:35,100 overwhelmed, that's a big deal. 145 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:38,210 I think that when we were created, God gave us the ability 146 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,360 to have these emotions, I think they were given to you 147 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,300 for some kind of use, I mean why somebody gave it to us 148 00:08:43,340 --> 00:08:47,790 to say that we can't be angry or we can as sometimes even feel 149 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:50,120 a little depressed it seems a little fair, because He gave 150 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:54,810 it to us so that we can like use that emotion for the better. 151 00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:58,610 I was, you know, because I am a recovering addict that had 152 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:02,360 a lot of these issues to deal with and so there was a period 153 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,020 of time that I kept reading self help books, because 154 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:09,110 I didn't, I said I have to feel normal, and I would stop 155 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:11,760 to think about how I felt and it was definitely not normal, 156 00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:14,320 yet, so I would get an other book and read that and I think, 157 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,710 well, I have to feel normal, so I would do it again 158 00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:19,060 and read an other book and I just didn't feel normal yet. 159 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:21,260 And finally Got got through to me and I said: 160 00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:25,860 Cheri just relax and almost what He was telling me, is: praise me 161 00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:30,420 in this, don't worry about it and just relax and if you're sad 162 00:09:30,460 --> 00:09:33,250 for a day or if you're depressed or whatver, just relax in it 163 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,040 and as soon as I did and realized that I may never be 164 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,130 normal, but I'm going to relax and trust God, 165 00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:42,070 my shoulders came down, and I felt, not that I felt better 166 00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,980 right away, but there was something in me that felt ok, 167 00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,390 I was like: oh, good. 168 00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:50,940 When I was in my accident, when I broke my neck, 169 00:09:50,980 --> 00:09:55,100 and stuff, I was in hospital, obviously I was depressed, 170 00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:59,190 because like I said about what I think depression is, 171 00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,670 being overwhelmed, and lying there without 172 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:03,860 being able to move. 173 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,130 When you broke your neck, you were paralysed. They thought 174 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:06,900 you would never walk again, right? 175 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:11,690 Yeah, yeah. And so, I mean, I was just, I couldn't do 176 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:15,920 anything and I just felt like I was, there was no way that 177 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:20,110 I was going to get out of it, but, and so I was like really 178 00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:25,320 depressed, but just the unconstant, like people coming 179 00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:30,490 to me and like smiling, just let me know it's going to be 180 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,420 ok no matter what, you know, and seeing other people 181 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:38,290 that had been wrecked somewhere in mind and they were happy again 182 00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:44,940 they were normalized completely but not normalized in, you know 183 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:46,060 walking around, doing everything. 184 00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:48,090 Did you meet someone like that who had been in accident? 185 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,640 Yeah, I did. She was, I don't remember her name, 186 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:56,450 she just stopped in one night and she was in a car accident 187 00:10:56,490 --> 00:11:01,230 about 4 years before I got in my accident and she came to visit 188 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:05,760 the hospital on occasion wih her dog, and this particular 189 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,740 night she, one of my therapists asked her to come 190 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:14,110 and visit me, and so she came up to my room and was just like, 191 00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:17,850 you know, just smiling, talking about whatever is going on 192 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:22,210 in her life right then, or whatever and just, you know, 193 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,530 tell me how she's making it and just show me her happiness 194 00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,980 even despite situation and... 195 00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,370 What was exempt of her entry? 196 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,330 She was completely, she could move her arms a little bit 197 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:40,570 and she had like full handmotion she could wheel her wheelchair, 198 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,470 and she could, that was basically her leggs didn't move 199 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:48,000 she could like wheel her toes or whatever but pretty much 200 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:52,650 the same as what I had been through but she didn't recover. 201 00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:56,710 And so just seeing her like that I was like, the depression went 202 00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,740 away, because I was no longer overwhelmed with the fact that 203 00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:05,420 I was going have a life as, I was, I was ok, I was like 204 00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:10,620 I wasn't like you said when you when you were ok, it wasn't like 205 00:12:10,650 --> 00:12:13,790 a complete happiness, but it just, I just had a feeling of 206 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,140 like acceptance of yourself. 207 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:18,430 You were settled within. 208 00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:21,720 You know, and I think that's an amazing thing what she did 209 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,340 for you and said: it'll work out however it is supposed to 210 00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:29,310 to work out. I think we are, I think what makes depression 211 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:32,530 worse or when, and this is just my feeling, not major 212 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,800 depression, or clinical depression but just the way, 213 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,010 you know, a depression that we feel from day to day, 214 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,520 what makes that worse is that we get so freeked up by it. 215 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,950 And we're like: oh, I'm depressed, oh, no! 216 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,480 And like you were saying is what will God think? I don't want 217 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,030 to be, pull my friends down, so I don't want to admit that 218 00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,550 I feel depressed. And so I think that the fact that we 219 00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:56,720 make such a big deal eternally about it. 220 00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:57,800 It makes even worse. 221 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,820 It makes even worse, yeah. 222 00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:03,450 I know people who like they can really be depressed 223 00:13:03,490 --> 00:13:06,490 and then their friends, they don't let their friends know 224 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,460 because they are embarassed and because their friends 225 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:12,270 go to the same churc as them, and they don't want them to know 226 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:16,750 that there's any problems in their life. So and then that 227 00:13:16,790 --> 00:13:20,010 person that doesn't have any friends because they have no one 228 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,050 to confide to, no one to vent to, because they are so afraid 229 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,050 of what people will think if they'll find out that they are 230 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,200 not being perfect Christians. 231 00:13:28,230 --> 00:13:30,800 So they get more masked. 232 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,270 It's just like a tighter hold on, the depression has a tighter 233 00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:37,710 hold on the person more and more, the more they hold it in, 234 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:41,070 and not express it to their friends. 235 00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:44,640 So what do you think when you are depressed, when you are 236 00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:48,200 feeling depressed, what do you think are some things that 237 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,610 would be helpful? Like if somebody was listening to you, 238 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,960 if you had to give someone advice like Joe, especially in 239 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,240 your situation, where it's a major, it's not like I think 240 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,980 something is wrong. I mean you were laying there and they were 241 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,680 saying you may never walk again. And so what advice would you 242 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,620 give them? 243 00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:10,730 What basically helps most of well, I think it's just hope, 244 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:15,770 that things are going to get better, then just a smile, 245 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:18,890 just a smile or something to bring them up in a better mood, 246 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,970 and get their mind off or whatever, you see, what I think 247 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,490 is what we dwell in our depression and what we 248 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,670 dwell on our problems, it just keeps, that's where, you know, 249 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,110 that's where it's getting worse and worse and it's just like 250 00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:34,530 and it's just, we're getting deeper and deeper in this hole, 251 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,310 sometimes it's just like somebody walking by, 252 00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,600 and say: hey, what's going on? Have a little conversation, 253 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,690 will bring somebody completely up. 254 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,610 Just getting your mind off whatever the issue is, 255 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,730 you know, when you talk about hope, it made me think of 256 00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:53,790 when you read in the Bible, or your mom told you in 257 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:56,630 the Bible that you could be annointed and they could pray 258 00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:58,990 you can get people to pray for your healing, 259 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:02,510 and can you tell that story? It is the most amazing story 260 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,390 I've ever heard. 261 00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:08,380 Yeah, well, I was in the hospital, and I was just 262 00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:14,250 entered in the rehab, they just transferred me down there, 263 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:20,080 and I hadn't even started my therapy yet, and the doctor came 264 00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:22,050 in and he was telling me that I was not going to be able 265 00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:25,980 to walk again, and so, you know, I was like really, 266 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,830 really depressed and I was just like totally overwhelmed, 267 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,620 I can even imagine, I can imagine how that happened. 268 00:15:31,650 --> 00:15:33,450 what do you think? 269 00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:38,880 It's crazy, but after that my mom came in a while later 270 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:43,300 and she said: do you remember anything about the annointing 271 00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:47,260 service? And I said, you know, I've heard a little bit, but I'm 272 00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:51,430 not really too clear on it. And so she's like well, you know, 273 00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:55,070 how they put the oil on your forehead, and pray over you, 274 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,680 and I was, she was like, then she asked me if I would like 275 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:02,230 a pastor that I knew and a bunch of men that I knew, 276 00:16:02,270 --> 00:16:06,210 to come and do that to me, and I said sure, you know, 277 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:10,150 it was, it was something, it was more than what I had, 278 00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:13,220 it was more hope or some, just somethimg to confide in 279 00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:14,010 Hope? 280 00:16:14,050 --> 00:16:17,510 Just something to confide in, something, you know, 281 00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:20,940 so I said: yeah and so she called up all these men, 282 00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:24,340 and you know, my dad was one of them and Pastor Bob Mix from 283 00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:28,000 Yeakma and Roger Dundon from Beverten 284 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,450 and just a bunch of men from the 7th day adventist church, 285 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:34,960 that I knew and they came, a bunch of people came 286 00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:38,710 and they took me into the chapel on the 4th floor where I was 287 00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:42,350 staying, and they, they prayed over me and they annointed me 288 00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:46,140 with the oil, and it was like, when they were finished praying, 289 00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:50,450 I sat up and it was like, before that I had no motorcontrol 290 00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:54,730 of any kind, I just, I reached up and then, you know, it was 291 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,820 like, I was up for a second, I just 292 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,870 Oh, just for a second 293 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:01,890 Yeah, I was, like I was totally happy, it's the best feeling of 294 00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:05,390 hope and then I fell back down, I just didn't have the energy 295 00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:09,050 to get up and walk out of that room. And so I was like 296 00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:12,680 I was like, it was just a feeling like I was going to be 297 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,080 healed. 298 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,870 So you knew something, it's like I knew something. 299 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:19,530 It was like from that point on I knew, I knew that I will 300 00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:23,130 walk again, I mean it wasn't, it wasn't like I thought 301 00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:26,240 or whether, you know, I guess, I could if I, if I just really 302 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,320 worked at, it's like I knew if they stood me up, I would walk 303 00:17:29,350 --> 00:17:30,660 walk around. 304 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,730 You know, I think that to me, I think that the basic thing 305 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:38,190 that we have to learn or we have to learn about depression, 306 00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:42,380 is that I have to have hope. And I have to believe something 307 00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:46,430 you know, as I came out of recovery and after being on the 308 00:17:46,470 --> 00:17:50,260 streets for 10 years and homeless and as soon as I read, 309 00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:53,240 I read Jeremiah 29:11, in it said there was a scripture 310 00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:56,150 talking about God having hope in the future and I was 311 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:59,560 so depressed thinking I'm not going to make it, I'm not going 312 00:17:59,590 --> 00:18:02,570 to be able to do this and I read this psalm, that God 313 00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:05,480 had a future plan for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm 314 00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:09,030 me, and I did feel that hope and all the sudden that feeling 315 00:18:09,070 --> 00:18:12,550 of, you know I think things will be ok, and it's like what you 316 00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:15,230 said it's not that things change radically right away, 317 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,260 but there was a change within myself that made it different. 318 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:21,100 For me, I think that for me it's really important 319 00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:25,130 I question that depression it's not like you just wake up 320 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,140 in the morning and you're depressed, 321 00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:29,050 but it will start somewhere and it's like, I don't know 322 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,350 it seems like it's little things every day, like, you know, 323 00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:35,590 like something happens, you know, you're like, whatever 324 00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:37,960 is just happening, you get a negative feeling about it and 325 00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,080 then it's like something else happened and it's more, 326 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,040 it just kind of grows 327 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,800 and so I really do not believe it's something you just wake up 328 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,890 with and it's like I know the thing that helped me, 329 00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:47,500 is that someone find me and noticed that I was not 330 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:50,960 on a bad sugar high, and was like: what is wrong with you? 331 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,380 And just talking about it, you know, and just trying to come 332 00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:57,410 over things that we're going to make everything better. 333 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,190 And just praying a lot and that helps. Because you can't 334 00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:04,950 just like, just keep thinking that you know, well, maybe 335 00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,510 I don't want to do this, maybe I don't want to, I just, because 336 00:19:06,540 --> 00:19:08,620 you get further and further away from like things that you 337 00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:10,430 have to deal with people that you love and you just, 338 00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:12,090 you can't do that. 339 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,440 You know what I read and I thought was really interesting 340 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,980 is that when we start to get depressed, there's chemical 341 00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:22,420 within our brain that like seraton levels and things like 342 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,150 that within our brain, that actually shift and change 343 00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:28,710 and so the more I, the more I stay depressed, the more 344 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:32,240 that shift is going to happen, and so then, the next time 345 00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:33,690 the shift is a little bit more and then I start 346 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,660 slowing down as far as the way my brain is, and release in 347 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,430 chemicals that are supposed to make me feel good that whole 348 00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:44,310 process slows down, and so when somebody says like when, when 349 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,430 someone says you know, you just kind of get up and do something, 350 00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,580 and the depressed person would say: you are nut, you have 351 00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:54,170 no idea how I feel, but the reality is that by getting up 352 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,720 and doing something, it kicks that chemical reaction in your 353 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,550 brain back up again and it will make you feel better 354 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:03,250 if you just force yourself. And so that you're right, in what 355 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,900 I've read it said that it is like a chemical change, it happens 356 00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,070 over a long period of time especially with clinical 357 00:20:08,110 --> 00:20:11,350 depression, depression where somebody is not going to 358 00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:14,200 even want to get out of bed. And there's a point where 359 00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:17,310 you can't walk out and just smile anymore, there's a point 360 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,400 it's like it doesn't matter if you, it doesn't matter if my 361 00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:23,400 friends see me not smiling, because I am depressed. 362 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:28,130 I kind of have a silly story about it. It was a couple of 363 00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:32,840 weeks before we graduated and we went up to, oh, my goodness, 364 00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:35,170 it's called looser view, it wasn't a looser view but anyway, 365 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:40,050 we were up there for a Friday evening service and I was just 366 00:20:40,090 --> 00:20:43,850 feeling really horrible. I had everything just piling up in me 367 00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:46,540 and I was like can't take it anymore, so I just sat up there 368 00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:49,230 and some of my friends get to me and asked: what's wrong? 369 00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:51,870 And I'm like: absolutely nothing. I just tried to blow it 370 00:20:51,910 --> 00:20:54,490 up and put on a mask and finally one of my friends, she said: 371 00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:58,330 a secret, let just walk down, so she started walking me down, 372 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,840 but she took this other wild way, where we had to go a few 373 00:21:01,870 --> 00:21:05,310 rocks off stop and I had these sandals on, I said I will fall 374 00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:07,250 off, I was high and I'm like I'm going to die, 375 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,360 and I'm going to die depressed and it's so bad. 376 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,400 And so finally she said: take my hand, take my hand 377 00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:13,070 and I said: no, no, no, I said I would drag you down with me, 378 00:21:13,110 --> 00:21:15,950 and so finally I took her hand, she was saying this is, 379 00:21:15,990 --> 00:21:18,560 when we finally get down and we were back on the safe 380 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,100 ground, and she was like: well this is exactly how 381 00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:24,550 I feel when you feel bad, I just want to grab your hand 382 00:21:24,590 --> 00:21:27,970 and make you feel better. And now when I look back on it, 383 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,440 I feel why didn't do it at first? 384 00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:32,920 I just feel my guts and vent and get it over with. 385 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,010 instead of try to hold it in and keep the mask on. 386 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,930 What a nice friend! I hope that I am like that to my friends and 387 00:21:38,970 --> 00:21:42,820 say you know, is there anything I can do? Let me just grab your 388 00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:43,650 hand. 389 00:21:43,690 --> 00:21:44,410 Hm. 390 00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:47,800 I guess we can do that with Jesus, too, because He's the 391 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,020 bigger friend than everyone else. And He doesn't, He asks 392 00:21:51,050 --> 00:21:54,200 makes time anytime, so it just seems to be easier if we 393 00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,980 just say: I can't take anymore and here's a hand, 394 00:21:57,010 --> 00:21:57,990 so just come and grab it, you know. 395 00:21:58,030 --> 00:22:00,780 It's, you know, that's interesting to me, because 396 00:22:00,810 --> 00:22:04,120 I think a lot of times, you know, I want to even pretend 397 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:09,190 with God and God is just saying: I know. You know, I know exactly 398 00:22:09,230 --> 00:22:14,220 what you're feeling and how sad you are. You are sad and please 399 00:22:14,260 --> 00:22:16,060 don't pretend with Me, just come sit down. 400 00:22:16,090 --> 00:22:18,890 Let me, let me tell you. Is there anything you could think 401 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:23,330 of: what helps when you're depressed to get out of it? 402 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:27,730 Listening to other people, like venting your anger or when 403 00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:29,730 you're depressed. Because I know when I'm depressed, 404 00:22:29,770 --> 00:22:34,630 I have to tell people or tell someone about it. 405 00:22:34,670 --> 00:22:37,760 And then I feel better. Getting your cry. 406 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,580 Then I feel a way better. 407 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:45,170 Or write it down just like in a journal, or like just get 408 00:22:45,210 --> 00:22:46,670 a piece of paper and say: I am mad. I am mad. 409 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,440 I am mad. And if you read it a lot of time it's like: 410 00:22:49,470 --> 00:22:52,180 I am mad, I am mad, I am so don't provide you know, I am 411 00:22:52,210 --> 00:22:54,550 mad. 412 00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:56,420 It's like a hundred of times. 413 00:22:56,450 --> 00:22:59,950 I just don't, sometimes, I just like being by myself 414 00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:03,410 just to think about things, you know, being honest with 415 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:08,630 myself, not following something that's not real, that I can't 416 00:23:08,670 --> 00:23:13,880 really, you know, just knowing, tell myself that it is no good 417 00:23:13,910 --> 00:23:19,090 to dwell in my depression, just, sometimes just taking a little 418 00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:21,970 bit of subtlety, it's great. 419 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,630 Time out. Do you go out? You know there was a place 420 00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:27,270 that I used to love doing that, I used to be out in the, 421 00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:29,600 by the little pond with the weeping willow tree 422 00:23:29,630 --> 00:23:31,040 and it was just like out a little bit. 423 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,320 Actually, I go to, there's a place in Boise, where we 424 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:39,570 live, where I just go down, it's just a little, like 425 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:43,590 a daily type shop and it's not really busy, 426 00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:46,880 it just got tables and stuff, a lot of people go in there, 427 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,420 and read, because Boise is a college town, 428 00:23:49,460 --> 00:23:51,890 and a lot of students go in there and study. 429 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,610 And I just sit down, you know, by myself, get something to drink 430 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,050 and just think. 431 00:23:58,090 --> 00:24:02,110 That's great! That's a cool thing. Anybody exercise? 432 00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:06,970 I exercise. I, you know. When you're really mad? 433 00:24:07,010 --> 00:24:11,760 I go out, it just makes everything a little better. 434 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:17,050 I have a friend that brakes mugs, coffee mugs in the wall 435 00:24:17,090 --> 00:24:21,210 outside and she brakes them, she buys them at grudgestore, so 436 00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:22,040 that she can brake them and she says, you know, when 437 00:24:22,070 --> 00:24:24,290 she's really depressed or really mad, then she brakes about ten. 438 00:24:24,330 --> 00:24:27,200 So ten plus, is a very big deal. 439 00:24:27,230 --> 00:24:29,460 Ten and less is not so big. 440 00:24:29,490 --> 00:24:33,440 It sounds like for depression anyway, Megan do you, what do 441 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,470 you do when you're depressed? 442 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:39,560 When I'm depressed, I usually, I usually sit alone, 443 00:24:39,590 --> 00:24:43,720 and sometimes I cry, but I sit and think a lot and I just 444 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,420 don't want to say anything, I don't want to do anything. 445 00:24:47,450 --> 00:24:50,570 What do you do when, when you want to get out of it? 446 00:24:50,610 --> 00:24:53,660 When you want to, it's like when you know that you're 447 00:24:53,690 --> 00:24:56,990 starting to come out and to pull yourself out further, what works 448 00:24:57,020 --> 00:24:57,870 for you? 449 00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:01,810 It really helps when somebody compliments me. Because usually 450 00:25:01,850 --> 00:25:06,190 I am depressed when somebody says something about me that 451 00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:09,730 gets me so depressed that really hurts me. And if somebody 452 00:25:09,770 --> 00:25:13,530 just comes to me and says you look really great today, 453 00:25:13,570 --> 00:25:17,300 I'll just brighten up because I know that somebody out there 454 00:25:17,330 --> 00:25:19,180 thinks something of me. 455 00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:21,850 You know, it's really interesting, is that the first 456 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,380 time I read in the Bible about us being a royal priesthood 457 00:25:25,410 --> 00:25:29,690 to God, I mean, you know I read that and for some reason 458 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,580 it really hit me then. Or we're a jewel in God's temple. 459 00:25:33,620 --> 00:25:37,890 That kind of thing and it was like a big compliment, 460 00:25:37,930 --> 00:25:42,160 but from God. And it helped me, I really brightened up. 461 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,910 In fact I bring that up when I'm feeling bad, 462 00:25:44,940 --> 00:25:49,720 is that I am a royal priest of God or a jewel in His crown. 463 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:54,420 That kind of thing. So it's kind of an interesting thing. 464 00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:59,090 I think depression, especially if you let it go, depression 465 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:04,900 can end up being so serious and so, ends up being 466 00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:07,530 chronic because of all the chemical changes that happen 467 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,290 in your, like a seratone level, which changes, there's even 468 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,510 and this is the strangest thing I've ever heard, 469 00:26:13,550 --> 00:26:15,670 but if you're depressed or you feel really angry, 470 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:20,170 they could take, somebody that studies this kind of stuff, 471 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,720 can take your saliva, and test your saliva and there's 472 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,240 chemicals in your saliva that destructed to you on 473 00:26:27,270 --> 00:26:31,280 a serial level. Have you ever heard that? 474 00:26:31,310 --> 00:26:32,500 It's so new. 475 00:26:32,530 --> 00:26:34,030 It's interesting. 476 00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:35,940 And when I read that study, I thought that was really 477 00:26:35,980 --> 00:26:38,770 interesting, that it actually is that you have this whole 478 00:26:38,810 --> 00:26:42,120 chemical change, that it even can be tested within your 479 00:26:42,150 --> 00:26:44,680 saliva as far as the chemicals that are released when you 480 00:26:44,710 --> 00:26:47,210 feel bad, or when you feel depressed or when you're feeling 481 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,920 really angry. And so, to me, that makes more sense, 482 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,480 that we can have a lot of physical changes because of 483 00:26:54,510 --> 00:26:58,380 depression because chemically, I am chemically made, 484 00:26:58,410 --> 00:27:02,250 I am wonderfully made, but I'm made chemically and 485 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,430 so things end up changing when I get depressed. 486 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:11,200 What we covered on this show, is depression and that depression 487 00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:13,420 can be a lot of things, depression can be a physical 488 00:27:13,450 --> 00:27:17,340 thing, depression can be responding to sadness, 489 00:27:17,370 --> 00:27:19,270 but what you've got to do, you've got to talk to a friend, 490 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:23,050 you've got to get up and exercise, sleep right, 491 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,940 eat right, go to God in prayer, hear compliments from Him, 492 00:27:26,970 --> 00:27:29,630 and I think that doing the right thing, when you're 493 00:27:29,660 --> 00:27:33,950 depressed and remember it's an actual chemical thing, 494 00:27:33,990 --> 00:27:37,260 get motivated to come of it and to think about that it is 495 00:27:37,290 --> 00:27:40,530 important to pay attention to your body. Pay attention 496 00:27:40,570 --> 00:27:44,580 to what you feel. And thank you for joining us 497 00:27:44,610 --> 00:27:46,510 on "Teen Pathways".