TEEN PATHWAYS
Hi!
What's up?
Just hanging out talking about getting real.
Huh! Getting real! My name is Cheri Peters and I want to
welcome you to Teen Patways. And before we talk about that,
I'd like people to meet everybody here today.
So can we say who we are and where you're from?
Gavin, can we start with you?
Yeah. My name's Gavin, Gavin Sailsbery
and I'm from Yakima, Washington.
Any courty thing about yourself?
I sleep on my side.
Ok. My name is Paddy McCoy, and I go to Walla walla College
which is in Walla walla Washington which is the home
of the Walla walla sweet onions. And you see me how many times
I can say Walla walla.
I am Jessica Anguiano and I'm from Texas.
I'm Jackie Ravine and I'm also from Walla walla College
where the onionse are so sweet you can eat them like apples.
My name is Cari Chenoweth and I'm from Medford, Oregon
and I don't like onions.
My name is Jason Henry and I live in Sweet Home, Oregon,
not Sweet Home Alabama.
And I'm just kind of taking a little vacation from school
working up in towns.
Excellent!
I am glad you're here. I've met everybody from doing youth
yvalleys throughout the United States we've met
most of you guys, and you know, Paddy and Jackie you have
a skid on being real. Can we do that skid?
Yes, sure.
Ok.
We need you guys as help though.
Yeah. See we have this nice colourful little buzzer.
And everytime one of us presses this buzzer,
we need you guys to say: get real!
So I think you should practice.
Try at once. Ready?
Ready?
Get real!
You listen next time but that was ok.
We can do it.
Excuse me! Excuse me, is this chair taken?
Yes, it is.
It's funny, I don't see anyone sitting in the chair
can I ask who it's taken by?
My dad dog.
Get real!
My dad grandmother.
Get real!
My imaginary friend, Franky.
Get real!
No one really. Go ahead! Have a seat!
Thanks. Ah! I was kind of hoping you and I can get
a little closer.
Get real!
Thanks, my feet are killing me.
Yeah.
So you're waiting for the no. 3 bus?
Yeah, I am waiting for the no. 3 bus.
You?
No, I don't take buses. They're for weird girls like you.
Get real!
Yeah, actually I don't take buses, because they're for
environmental goons.
Get real!
Yeah, I take buses all the time, but if I'm in environment.
Yeah.
So what are you reading there?
Well, actually, if you must know,I'm reading my Bible.
Why?
Just curious.
So you know what? You look a little familiar to me.
Is your last name Julet?
Because you look like the best a man could get.
Get real!
So what are you reading?
Actually, I'm reading my Bible.
Why?
Just curious, really.
oh!
See you know what? You look a little familiar.
Do you attend a plane to your church?
Yeah! I do.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Allow me to introduce
myself. My name's Tom. Tom Sallick.
Get real!
Leonardo Di Caprio.
Get real!
My name's Bill. Bill Smith.
Hi!
Hi! let me see if I remember your name correctly
it was Buffy, right?
Ah, Well, Betty. it's ok. Betty.
I chop names sometimes. That was Betty Farfeitnugen.
Betty Fignieven.
I always do this. I'm sorry, it's a pleasure to meet you,
Miss Fignigen. it was an accident.
Yeah, the pleasure's all yours.
Get real!
Please get away from me.
It's nice to meet you, too, Bill.
So do you go to the plane to your church?
Well, actually I haven't been there a while.
But I picked up a newsletter there and I saw your picture
inside so that's how..
oh, that silly little thing!
Silly is about right. If I was a dead dog.
Get real!
That silly little thing!
Yeah, you look much nicer in person.
Ok. Have me!
Get real!
You look much nicer in person.
Thanks, thanks. So why don't you go to the plane in your church
anymore?
Well, to tell you the truth, because God told me to never
to never go to church again!
Get real!
Well, it's because I think the preacher has 666 tattoo
on his forehead.
Huh!
Get real!
It's because I don't feel that I'm accepted there anymore.
Oh! Why on earth don't you feel accepted?
That's a long story, but I kind of made some mistakes.
and ever since then I just feel like the members are treating
me differently.
Come on! What could you do that it made you unworthier
to fellowship with Christians of all people?
I guess I kind of messed up with drugs for a while.
And I lost everything that I had.
Oh! Well, then you shouldn't go to church, you sinner!
Get real!
Drug addict!
Get real!
Well I'm really sorry to hear that.
So what did they do to you?
Basically they shut the doors on me.
I mean I know I made some mistakes, I hurt a lot of
people, But God's forgiven me I know in my heart
That God's forgiven me, I just wish that the church was
was as forgiving as God is.
Yeah, see it's a hard one. Because we find it so hard
to forgive each other.
But we expect God to forgive us so easily.
Is there anything I can do?
Well, honestly? I could use a date.
Get real!
How about just a kiss?
Get real!
Honestly? I could use a good friend.
now that I can do.
Thanks Betty. So what's your story?
I mean why are you so involved with the church?
Well, you know? I just really enjoy having a personal ministry
with Jesus.
Really?
Doesn't that ever get hard? I can understand that.
But don't you just want to quit, give it up?
Oh, totally. It's really though sometimes. When I'm at my
weakest, God, He's strongest and He really seems to help me
out in those times.
How is it though that, well, let me ask you a personal
question.
No.
Get real!
No way!
Get real!
Maybe?!
Get real!
Are you, are you married?
Get real!
Are you dating?
Get real!
Do you think that I am cute?
Get real!
Ok. Ah,
Get real!
I didn't even finished what I wanted to say!
I know what you were going to say.
Ok.
Ok. Well, how is it that you get real, I mean how you
get on a level with people and with God?
Well, God tried to be involved in my life for a long time.
But I didn't let Him. and it wasn't unill I, as you say
got real, that I was able to do that. And that just took looking
at what was outside of me, maybe that's the church
for you where people are involved with hostilities toward you
and they're unforgiving, or for me it was problems
with my family and some of the outside influences in
my life, and looking at what was inside of me and knowing
that that is what was important with my relationship
with God. Inside and God.
And so that's what it took to get real.
That's great Betty, I really admire your devotion.
oh, there's no. 3 bus.
Yeah.
I guess you'd better get going.
well, it was really nice to meet you Bill.
Oh it was nice meeting you.
Thank you.
Yeah, maybe I'll see you at church on Saturday?
Not a snowball's chance.
Get real.
I'll be there.
Excellent!
Al right. Thanks a lot.
Thanks.
It's interesting to me because of the background I came from,
I was on the streets and I didn't have anybody in my
life from my early childhood in the years that I was on
the streets and homeless that was real.
That was real that everybody had their agenda.
And so I get saved and I meet God and it was so incredible
to me because it was the first time I felt like something was
real in my life. God was not only real, but my life
was changing and it was every promice He made,
He came through and so somebody said: wait till you meet your
family. And now it was like your church family.
Waiting till you meet your church family and I stepped into the
church expecting everybody to be real and everybody to be honest
and everybody to be loving. And I was so crushed
and so when you do that kind of skid, it makes me think
how important is it for us to be real.
How important is it as a group, a churchgroup for us to be real.
and so what do you guys think? What do you think of the skid?
We always like to show off.
It's interesting, because that scene actually came from
part of it came from me. Having friends that I've talked to,
who would not, I've tried to invite them to the church with
me but who wouldn't go, because they would wear something that
may be they didn't feel like was acceptable.
They would walk in to church and people were just staring at them.
and even though they felt like that's who they were,
they were trying to figure out who they were,
nobody was really accepting of that.
And so I struggle with that, with my friends and how
I talked to my friends so I'd like to hear what you, guys
what your reaction is.
I attended a wedding not too long ago, and so I got in
we were only familiar, and I realised that this was the guy
I went to schoolwith about 7th grade in a Christian school,
in Washington and we used to we had a long bus ride together
and so we had a lot of time to talk and we lost touch
over the years though and I walked up to him and I said
I basically tried to remind him who I was,
and He's: oh, yeah, Jake I remember you
we used to draw all those pictures, but I had a hard time
recognizing him at first because he looked so much different.
He had a long hair and earrrings long black trench coat,
the whole image thing was there and the goatie
but as I talked to him, I started picking up on the
this little vibes that he had been through a lot,
since then, and he ended up telling me later
he hadn't been in church a long time,
and I gathered as much that it was because he had been
going through some things and the people in the church
just had a hard time seeing this boy that used to be so perfect
going through these changes, they had a hard time accepting
that than just going through these changes with him and
helping him. And now his image is kind of what scared people
off after that. And it was like this prediction or whatever.
So, yeah, outside does make it difficult, I guess for some
people.
It's interesting, because I hear from that point of view
somebody that had been in the church and has
left and somebody that has been kind of judged by
their behaviour, whether they get into drugs,
but I had never been in the church and everybody can
relate to this place, I have never been in the church
I was a heroin addict, I was a drugaddict,
I didn't know how to dress, I didn't know how to look,
my makeup was on too heavy, I had rotten teeth,
and I had a great tendency I tell you that,
but I had all this stuff and so when I came in,
and I was 90 pounds, because of all the drugs
and all the damage and so when I came in,
the only thing I realized, almost right away,
is that you guys were not that accepting of each other,
so I couldn't say anything about what I was struggling
with and what I was dealing with and it was so hard,
because I needed to stand up and say to somebody
I am so afraid and I don't know what to do.
And yet the first lesson I learned is don't tell anyone
because you may not get accepted.
That's what usually you said it often as you know keep your
mouth quiet, don't let anybody know, but then you know,
it's just more a personal conflict inner self
and it just doesn't go anywhere, but I learnd that
if I accept me for what I am, then other people start you
and because I'm ok with it.
And I want to say Gavin that you have more a similar background
to me, as far as streets and drugs and that kind of thing,
and I mean this in a nice way, a little bit of a disfunctional
family. But you know, what's so do you get to share that
do you feel that you can share that with people?
With my father and with my brothers, everybody else,
I look at this kind of like they accept me for who I am
and not for who they're going to try to make me,
do you guys feel like that? I can't hang around them,
they're going to change the way I look at things,
they're going to form my opinions and I'm not into that.
It's: I am different than you, accept it!
And I think that I hear what you're saying, is that
what I took on, is I felt like everybody had this little
picture of what a Christian should be,
and that they wanted me to have the picture in front of me
and be that.
For a long time I played that. and I did do what was
expected of me, but my heart wasn't into it.
I treaded every second that I had to set firm in the church,
and it wanted to push me farther away from God
and they didn't know.
They were oblivious to the fact that I was running
I was there in body, but not in mind, not in heart.
And so behind they were forcing me to do this behind their back.
So you found that you had to hide.
I did. I did have to hide.
And do you think you cared?
Yeah, I agree with Gavin, you need to accept yourself
before others can accept you and I have a poem that I keep in
my Bible that tells me how to accept yourself
and it's called: "The paintbrush".
It's by Betty Youngs and it says:
"I keep my paintbrush with me wherever I may go.
In case I need to cover up, so the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show you me, afraid of what you'll do.
That you might laugh or say me things. I'm afraid I might loose
you.
I'd like to remove all my paintcoats
to show you the real true me,
but I want you to try and understand
I need you to accept what you see.
And so if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
I'll strip of all my coats real so,
please understand how much it hurts
to let the real me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off
I feel naked, bare and cold
And if you still love me with all that you see,
you are my friend peer's gold.
I need to save my paintbrush still and hold it in my hand.
I want to keep it handy in case someone doesn't understand.
So, please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true, But please let me keep my
paintbrush with me until I love me, too. "
To me when I think of something like that,
is that I think of a lot of people that I meet
from environments that have so much pain and so much stuff,
and I pray that that will go real enough,
so that we can let them be real.
I met a pastor that had a drinking problem,
and he ended up relapsing and he's still the pastor of
a church. And he said: "I couldn't share with anybody,
I couldn't tell anybody, because they would fire me,
they would kick me out. " And I thought: this is a guy that
nurtures an entire church. And he couldn't share with
anybody. So he got worse and worse and the more he tried
to hide, the more he got in trouble. And he ended up going
out to a bar and drinking and one night he got so drunk,
that he couldn't get in his car and drive home,
so he gets in his car and he sleeps, he falls asleep.
He didn't wake up till the next morning, he wakes up the next
morning, he gets in his car, I mean in his car, he starts
to drive his car home and he's still drunk,
and he's going down the street and he's trying to manover
his car, because he's so drunk, and he sees these orange
columns in the road, he manovers around orange columns,
and ends up in this city parade. And so now he's drunk,
and in the city parade they arrest him,
for dunk driving, an attorney got him down in the attempt of
driving,nobody from the church still found out.
Nobody found out. He hid it still, he didn't talk to anybody
still and ended up going to AA. So now he joined AA
the people in the Alcoholics Anonimus
helped him, got him back on his feet now he's a pastor again.
He still has not told anybody. The only reason he told me,
is, I'm so trash, people tell me everything.
So the only reason he told me was that. And so I thought
can we be real enough that we can share those kind of struggles
with each other, so we don't have to dive into a pit,
first. I mean..
It seems like it's a self perpetuating problem
that we deal with. It's something that keeps making
itself go on in that. It's so easy for us who have been
on the fringe. I, too was from a non Christian background,
and I walked into the church, and the first thing I thought of,
it was like somebody held up a mirror to me.
And said: this is what you look like. And this is what we
look like. There's the difference. But it's so easy
for us who have been on the outside to say: yeah, I didn't
feel accepted, or I felt like the Christians,
or the people at the church weren't accepting me
and didn't love me for who I was and I had to hide and
that's not very true. On the other side there's
a responsibility that we seem to evade also,
where our job is to ask, is to also like peel away
the label of all the bad parts of the label of Christian
and say that's a human, they're human,
at their heart. And so that seems to be like as far as like
getting real with who I am and being able to be accepted
in the church, starts with what Carrie said and starts with
what Gavin said. That means I have to be able to be as human
as I am to myself and accept myself.
And do the same for others. Look at the church and be able
to pull away the label of what a Christian organization can
be and recognize that they're human people, too.
And be real with them.
It's interesting, too, being when it's growing up in
a Christian home. Sorry.
I did, it's true.
And he invited you?
I'll go. No, it's interesting, because to be on the other side
of it, is, I've grown up around people, including myself,
who you just struggle to open yourself up
to sharing, because part of you knows that if you do that,
then you're really connected, be really connected to that
church, you're really going to have involvment to that
people that they are around you. And so there's just fear,
that if I really share my weaknesses,
and I really let somebody in, then I'm going to really have
to be accountable to this place. And I look at the world around us
and it's so pulling us away from each other,
with our emails and internet, and we could sit in our office
and use a computer and never really talk to anyone.
But communicate with thousands of people in some form.
But we really never actually connect,
because we're so far removed. And I see that filtering into
our churches where you look at the New Testament model,
and it's all about accountability in family.
They got together in small groups they met by the rivers
and that's where church was.
Just do off in each others lives.
It wasn't in a building, it was just because they met together
wherever they met together, that's where they had church.
So does that mean we should be as involved in each others'
lives as possible?
I think that it means that as we break our walls down and
we share our weaknesses, we become stronger,
and it's a force that I think it needs to happen,
it's a force that we don't even understand,
because I think that's really when the Spirit comes in
is when we can like go.
We definitely have threads in between ourselves
to build trust. I mean we trust every day that we can
walk outside, is somebody isn't going to hit us with the car
and we trust the sun's going to come up,
we trust that the world's going to keep around us and that we
see everyday, we trust that the air is going to be alright
for us to breathe and we try to take another breath.
And all goes on trust. When somebody looks at me,
and says: this is what your problem is,
they don't trust me and I can't trust them back.
They're putting up a barrier because I can walk in
into any situation in a black collar, black tie,
event and looking like I am now and be alright with it.
Because the clothes doesn't affect the way I think or feel
or my opinion or view, so it shouldn't affect your opinion of
me. And when they put that wall up, it just tells me
don't build threads with that person,
don't know that person, don't trust that person!
and that was really hard for me because the Bible says:
do not judge, least you'll be judged!
I figure out where it says that, and when they judge me,
I have no choice, but to judge them back.
They judge me. And that's putting a label on them,
which I shouldn't have done in the first place,
but I couldn't help it. I'm only human, too.
I mean, they're only human, I realize that they make
mistakes, but some people just on purpose walk out,
stamp and point fingers at people, you did this, this is
your fault and it's pretty hypocritical.
Jessica, you are the newest member in this group.
And also with your Christianity.
Yeah. I grew up in a Christian home,
but through the years I got involved in other stuff
and now I try to go back into church,
but I failed, I did something wrong. And it just,
my hopes tumble down, and I say: well, I'll never be
good enough and it's just hard, and I feel peace when
that small moment alone with God. But then something happens,
and I loose hope. But I think it also has to do with the church.
Judging you for stuff that you can't help.
But, I don't know, it's just...
I think that is, I think because as we've kind of talked about
what was before the church, just individuals coming together,
and when they come together, they bring their own individual
problems.
We are the church.
Yeah, exactly. I am the church.
That is a great point.
and when we come together, the feeling that you're kind of
describing, I mean, I felt that, too.
But as I thought about it, I thought: what if I was that
person, what if I had their set of problems?
And what if I was unwilling to face up to my problems
and I come to church in that mind set? If I see somebody
else that has problems that are, maybe more visible
than mine, it's going to remind me of my problems,
which I don't want to deal with, right?
and so the best way that I can keep from dealing with
my own problems, is to ignore your problems, right?
And so that's what we walk into and it's very discouraging,
because here we are, we want to get some healing,
we want to get some help, but everybody around us,
a lot of people around us, they're playing the game of
I'm fine, I'm really doing right. And I really think that that's
And the sooner that I think it's hard with feelings
or guilt, I mean that our grudge, against yourself,
and which causes people to lash out when that's,
like you said that they don't want to face their own problems
and whenever they see someone that reminds them
of their problems, it's just like...
They laugh at you. Or something, anything,
And you know what's funny?
A lot of times the problems that people really get on other
people, I mean paradoxically, is usually the problem that
they have themselves.
Or have had.
And they don't want to remind that they have that
problem. So they just try to those kinds of people.
The people that have the same issue where they..
Do you know what I found? And just that I was so
discouraged about this issue, that, about nobody being real,
the judgement and the fact that I couldn't. Somebody found out
that I smoked and this is 4 years in my Christianity,
I given up heroine and alcohol, a number of things
and I've done a lot of healing but somebody found out that
I smoked and they said that they don't fellowship people that
smoke. And so I ended up leaving for a long time
and now coming back, is that, I didn't mean to scare you Gavin
but now coming back, it's like all the sudden I came back
and God really took care of me coming back,
and He said: please, please, stop looking around.
Please, please, don't let your feelings get hurt.
I love you. This is not a behavioural thing,
I don't judge you, I don't tell you, if you fall one day,
and stand up the next day, all of heaven rejoices.
Thanks for standing back up. And so one of the things
that I want just don't look around!
and then I learned what you said, Jackie, is: wait!
I am the church! And so now, if I, instead of looking
around and I can't believe the church is doing this,
&is like I am not going to do that anymore.
When somebody walks in and they look trash, when somebody
walks in and they look different than me, they seem different
than me, I'm not going to judge them, I'm going to reach
out and try to love them. and so I want to challenge
people as a group just to say that please, please
don't judge people. Please, think about that everything
you do, someone is going to be watching you
and what they're going to hope for,
is that they're going to hope that you're real enough
to let them be real and let the Holly Spirit work for them.
And for you. and so as a church, as a generation,
that is going to bring in the end times,
I believe, please step up and say: I'm not willing anymore
to sit down, I'm not willing anymore to put that mirror up
of what a Christian is supposed to look Ike.
See you next week and thank you!