1 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:09,990 TEEN PATHWAYS 2 00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:14,010 with Cheri Peters 3 00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:21,100 Hi! Hey you guys! 4 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:22,180 How are you? 5 00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:23,360 We're all right. How about yourself? 6 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,020 Cool! 7 00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:25,830 I don't even know if you want to sit down 8 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,300 The topic today is "ANGER" 9 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,580 And so... 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,950 The topic today is "anger", 11 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,890 so I wanna say welcome to "Teen Pathways" 12 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,110 And before we start again, 13 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,100 we have people from all-over the country 14 00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:42,540 that I've met in various places, that have various backgrounds 15 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,440 that have something to bring. 16 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,340 So, I want to introduce everybody 17 00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:50,450 Can we start with you? 18 00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:53,390 Yeah. My name is Tim Blackburn 19 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,490 and I'm from Eagle, Idaho 20 00:00:55,950 --> 00:01:00,040 and... I guess that's just me 21 00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:02,090 and where I'm from 22 00:01:02,850 --> 00:01:04,420 My name is Gavin Sailsbery, 23 00:01:04,460 --> 00:01:06,000 and I'm from Yakima, Washington 24 00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:07,900 and a little something about myself is 25 00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:10,710 "I only buy it sometimes" 26 00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:13,100 Just take it away! 27 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,450 My name is Patrick Earl and I'm from Salmon, Idaho 28 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,890 and I'm ready to do this 29 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,010 I'm Jessica Anguiano. 30 00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:25,440 I'm from Texas and I've just recently moved to Frankton. 31 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:31,100 My name is Lori Sproat and I'm from Eagle, Idaho 32 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,030 and I have a lot of fun doing this 33 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,880 ...meeting new people 34 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,330 My name is Carla Weich and I'm from Canada 35 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,310 and I just hope that we can do this 36 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,210 Canada? That's great! 37 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:50,090 It's all right. So, anger... I would say that 38 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,930 That is the hardest thing that I ever doubt with 39 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,980 For first, break in denial on my anger 40 00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,630 It's like I had all of this stuff and I was a drug addict 41 00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:02,740 and my family were addicts and everybody was a mess 42 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:06,860 I met God and I tried to do the right thing 43 00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:10,630 I just was total in denial about how much rage and anger I had 44 00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:16,620 Before we get into what fixes it what helps us 45 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,890 I wanna know from each of you, if it's ok, what did your anger 46 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,190 look like and where did you think it came from? 47 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:24,930 Does anybody wanna start with that? 48 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,170 My anger was more of... 49 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:32,220 it came from not having a dad 50 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,600 to be there, because he was sued 51 00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:36,950 our family was falling apart 52 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:39,410 and that's what made me angry. 53 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,660 It stored up inside of me, it hurt me and so, 54 00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:45,620 it just build up and... 55 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:49,180 So, before you got sued, before that happened, 56 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,210 what was your family like? 57 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,940 We'd do things together, we'd go and walk together 58 00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:54,800 we'd go out to eat together we'd... 59 00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,570 we'd sit around at the table, make jokes, have fun 60 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,710 We'd be a family. 61 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,520 But now, it would be this group over here 62 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,970 this group over here and this group over here 63 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,790 and we were broken up and that hurt me 64 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:09,240 Because I want to be a family 65 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,080 I totally agree with that. 66 00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,840 Because my family was... 67 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,870 kind of broken up as well, cause my family was 68 00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:22,160 drug addicts and smokers and stuff 69 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,710 and I grew up not having a family around 70 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,710 I only had one parent 71 00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,240 My real dad died, because he drowned 72 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,230 Was he high when he drowned? 73 00:03:35,470 --> 00:03:36,310 Yes. 74 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:41,360 And he... he didn't really know how to swim 75 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:46,690 He was with his buddies, just drinking and he drowned. 76 00:03:47,550 --> 00:03:51,160 I just never realized I was so angry for 77 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:54,770 what my mom did and how she treated me, that 78 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,040 I totally blew on my adoptive parents 79 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,890 You were real young when your dad died 80 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,160 and you ended up in adoption 81 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,620 You ended up in another placement 82 00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,410 I was actually... 83 00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:16,230 I switched to 7 or 8 different homes to find a real one 84 00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:18,210 that could take care of me 85 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:23,170 and love me as much as all the love that I missed 86 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,060 It's like... What did I do to deserve this? 87 00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:28,210 Why am I getting this? I don't deserve this. 88 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:30,300 I deserve a family. I deserve to be loved. 89 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:33,150 and if you're gonna give me this then I'm gonna give you anger 90 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:37,080 Exactly! And that's from a kid 91 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:40,740 That's from a kid saying: 'This is not fair. This is not right.' 92 00:04:41,310 --> 00:04:44,260 So what you're saying is that all of a sudden you realize that 93 00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:47,210 'I don't deserve this and this is really making me angry. ' 94 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:49,640 So, listening to you talk, Carla 95 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,840 I was always getting angry from listening to you talk. 96 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,360 How old were you when you went into placement? 97 00:04:55,110 --> 00:04:57,510 I was 4 years old when I got adopted. 98 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:58,910 Wow! 99 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:01,930 So, anybody else... anger... What does yours look like? 100 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,940 My anger came from being depressed a lot 101 00:05:07,990 --> 00:05:10,950 and I'd brush things off I'd store things inside 102 00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:13,910 I'd store things inside until one day I'd explode 103 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:18,090 and everything would just come flying out 104 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,750 If the littlest things would make mad I'd just brush them and 105 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:25,410 put'em inside, put'em inside, put'em inside and... 106 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,490 finally, you know, someday, 107 00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:30,690 every six months, pop! Everything would just come out 108 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,060 I would just explode 109 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,230 It's like you'd have all this anger 110 00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:35,300 and little things hit you 111 00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:37,140 and you just take them and store them inside of you 112 00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:39,710 and then pretty soon you just get so stressed and it's so hard 113 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:40,990 that you finally say 114 00:05:41,030 --> 00:05:43,070 This is too much. I can't do it. And you just blow 115 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,980 And then you hurt somebody, you hurt some animal 116 00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:47,200 you hurt someone like me 117 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:51,620 You hurt'em physically, You hurt'em spiritually 118 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:53,390 and some times emotionally 119 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,570 'I'll give it to you cause that's what you deserve. ' 120 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,540 'That's what I got, this is what you deserve' 121 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,910 You see, that was my thing too 122 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,180 If somebody would get mad at me 123 00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,410 or I'd get aggravated at something 124 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:07,840 I wouldn't hold it. 125 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,240 I'd go right along and take it to somebody else 126 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,980 I wouldn't wait for it to build up. 127 00:06:12,390 --> 00:06:13,970 but mine was never a physical 128 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,970 it was always a bit verbal 129 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,700 I mean, I could pinpoint what hurt a person 130 00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:22,490 what their deeper fear was 131 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,500 and I could find it, and I would know every single time 132 00:06:25,530 --> 00:06:28,120 and I could hit it, and hit it, and hit it, and hit it 133 00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:30,510 and say something that would hurt you so bad 134 00:06:31,410 --> 00:06:35,560 that you couldn't of been mad enough to fight me 135 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,690 You could have been so aggravated 136 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,350 I could have dragged you down to the depths of despair 137 00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,890 And I did that. And most of the time 138 00:06:42,930 --> 00:06:44,680 I winded up doing it to my family, cause they were 139 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,440 the convenient ones around who wouldn't fight back 140 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,240 and they couldn't. And they still love you. 141 00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:50,640 And they still loved me. 142 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,300 And that was my saving grace - their forgiveness. 143 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,790 So, that's what your anger looked like. 144 00:06:57,830 --> 00:07:00,050 Where did it come from? Where did that much anger come from? 145 00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,700 I can't say that it was from my mother 146 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,770 because I have the best mother in the whole wide world 147 00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,540 and I hope she's watching. Hi mom! 148 00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,130 That's sweet, Gavin. 149 00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:13,390 My step father... 150 00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:15,770 we didn't get along very well for the time I was growing up 151 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,510 I lived with him for about twelve years 152 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:22,840 and I had a hard time with some of it 153 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,720 because we weren't really accepted into the church 154 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,690 They'd have church barbecues or something and they just 155 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,250 wouldn't invite us kids. 156 00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:32,400 For a long time, that really bugged me and I 157 00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:33,750 I wouldn't tell them, 158 00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,980 because that would lead back on my parents 159 00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:40,400 And so, finally, my mom divorced this guy and left the church 160 00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:45,110 and a man named Pat Thrupe took care of me 161 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:47,450 so he's the most kind and wonderful man on Earth 162 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,340 He taught me how to deal with it and then I could finally admit 163 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,170 that I had anger and then I could finally let it go. 164 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:56,380 He'd sit there and listen to me. 165 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,000 And that's where I finally put it all 166 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,690 I wouldn't accept the way they were accepting me 167 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,110 I wouldn't settle for that. 168 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,680 Again, it sounds like a kind of 'It wasn't fair' 169 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,320 No, it wasn't fair. 170 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,830 I think all anger comes from not being fair. 171 00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:19,150 'They did that to me and I didn't deserve it' or 172 00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:21,440 'They took that from me and I didn't deserve that' 173 00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:24,660 Or not having a relationship with someone that you want 174 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:25,440 It wasn't fair. 175 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,180 Like with your family or someone 176 00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:28,980 It wasn't your fault that it happened 177 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,750 How about Jessica. How about you? 178 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:32,690 My family was... 179 00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,910 My mom and my dad have always loved me. 180 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:38,350 With my parents I've never had a problem. 181 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:45,100 But, I was never really close to my sisters until now, because 182 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,320 when I was growing up, most of them were married 183 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:54,060 or they were too old to hang out with 184 00:08:54,340 --> 00:08:58,130 So, I'd always be with my friends in the street. 185 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:04,460 I don't know. I guess it was just being without my sisters 186 00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:09,350 and my brother being the only guy in the family 187 00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:11,630 and me being the youngest, especially 188 00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:16,250 Whenever something happened in the family or something I'd just 189 00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:18,600 hold it inside. 190 00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:23,730 And now, a lot of things have gone on 191 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:27,920 being gotten hold of the wrong crowd 192 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:32,970 And I was not even funny. 193 00:09:35,690 --> 00:09:39,820 I saw so many things go on that after a while I didn't care. 194 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:42,920 So, once you jumped out into that crowd, 195 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,680 then you learned a lot about anger 196 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,590 and that kind of "really out-there anger". 197 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,880 Yeah. 198 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,970 And I blew it on anybody 199 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,130 mostly on my sister, and I feel sorry for her 200 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,410 for having to put out with me. 201 00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,060 And now that I'm here, 202 00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:02,790 I just feel bad 203 00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:04,540 I see your point. 204 00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,700 I never put out anger and not feel sorry for it. 205 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,070 I've always felt bad, every time. 206 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,810 Even if it was something minute 207 00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:12,880 I know I did it. 208 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,820 Maybe I wouldn't even admit it to you 209 00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:16,700 to anybody who asked, to my parents. 210 00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:18,260 I wouldn't admit it to God 211 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,100 But I was sorry for it. 212 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,400 It didn't mean I could change it 213 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,520 It didn't always mean I said I was sorry, but I was. 214 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:29,760 Most of the anger comes out in the family area 215 00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:32,970 It comes around at the friends and other things 216 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,330 but it's mostly in the family. 217 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,660 It also comes off on other people around you. 218 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:41,530 If you're a certain kind of person like me, 219 00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:43,780 it came off on animals, I'd hurt animals 220 00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:47,650 or I'd hurt my little brother because he was aggravating me. 221 00:10:47,910 --> 00:10:49,810 It was like: 'You want it, I'll give it to you. ' 222 00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:52,550 It was just that kind of thing. 223 00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:57,760 Sometimes you don't feel sorry for anger. 224 00:10:58,180 --> 00:11:01,350 For me personally, I didn't feel sorry for my anger. 225 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,870 I held a lot of resentment and I didn't feel sorry for anything 226 00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:07,470 for any thought that crossed my mind 227 00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:10,070 about something that I would do to somebody. 228 00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:14,810 I never felt that kind of pain for anybody else, 229 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:15,860 because I figured 230 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,190 'All the stuff that they have done to me, 231 00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,740 they'd deserve anything that I would give them. ' 232 00:11:20,770 --> 00:11:22,850 So, what have they done to you? 233 00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:30,130 I was abused sexually, verbally, emotionally and physically 234 00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:35,590 and I hung out in the wrong crowd 235 00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:39,230 I got involved with gangs and with drugs 236 00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,690 but that was part of my anger too. 237 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:44,060 It was just 'To let off steam just go and do the drugs. ' 238 00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:49,010 Everything build up more and more. 239 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:54,390 My adoptive mom - because I was adopted too, that brought on 240 00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:56,590 a lot of anger later on in my life. 241 00:11:56,980 --> 00:12:01,490 My adoptive mom got cancer and suddenly died. 242 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,820 I'd always said that we hated each other at the time, because 243 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:08,160 I was in my early teens and you go through that stage 244 00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,740 when you are like that. 245 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,640 We didn't get along and I said I hated her 246 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,690 and she didn't really approved of anything I did 247 00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:21,710 and we didn't have a very good relationship at all. 248 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,580 There were too many boundaries, barriers that have been 249 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,040 torn down because of abuse and stuff like that 250 00:12:28,070 --> 00:12:29,870 and things that went on at home. 251 00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:34,110 I just got so angry that I didn't even care what 252 00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:37,460 I did to anyone anymore, or to myself. 253 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,490 I heard you talk one time 254 00:12:38,530 --> 00:12:40,570 and you said that sometimes you would even laugh. 255 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:41,760 Yeah. 256 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,140 You were like: 'It's no big deal. ' 257 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,310 Anybody relate to that if sometimes you would just see you 258 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,120 hurt yourself and then anyway just laugh. 259 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,840 Sometimes it took a while to realize that I did something. 260 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,840 Yeah. It usually took a while for me. 261 00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:53,950 Sometimes I would blow it off. 262 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,910 I was sorry, but I'd blow it up, it wasn't that important. 263 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,990 It was something minor, nobody died. 264 00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:03,510 You feel bad about what you've done. 265 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,370 If you'd let your anger out and you'd hurt someone 266 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:11,230 then it comes back as anger after that hurt 267 00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:12,690 because you just store it back up. 268 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,200 It's like a cycle. 269 00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:15,320 You pick it up. 270 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,910 You gotta get rid of it right then and there. 271 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,080 You gotta talk to somebody. 272 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,140 You gotta tell someone how you're feeling. 273 00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:22,130 You don't put it back into your system 274 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:24,190 so it gets stored in there and it just blows. 275 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,210 I wanna say something. 276 00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:27,660 Patrick, just a little bit that I know you, 277 00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:29,480 I don't see you as that. 278 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,240 Did something happen? 279 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,400 How did you deal with your anger? 280 00:13:33,820 --> 00:13:36,580 I went to a facility in Garden Valley, Idaho 281 00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,470 called "Project Patch". 282 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:43,120 It's a facility for kids that have problems 283 00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:45,390 to bring out their real selves, 284 00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:47,900 to get rid of depression and anger, help them understand 285 00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:50,370 that they can be loved and that there's someone up there 286 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,450 who loves you, and His name is God. 287 00:13:53,910 --> 00:13:55,030 You are special. 288 00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:57,370 People can care for you and you can care for other people. 289 00:13:57,410 --> 00:13:59,680 Was it hard to believe that God loved you, when you knew 290 00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:02,090 the stuff you did to yourself and to your animals 291 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,320 and to your brother 292 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,680 Was it hard for you to buy the fact that God loves you? 293 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:06,760 Yeah. 294 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,710 Sometimes I was just angry at God but I knew that He loved me 295 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:12,400 even when I was doing those things. 296 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:18,270 But He also kept teaching me there that He loves us 297 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,430 no matter what we do. 298 00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:24,030 He feels sad when we do it, but He loves us and He cares for us. 299 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,910 And we may hurt Him, but He still loves us. 300 00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,880 It sounds like "Project Patch" really helped you a lot. 301 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:29,470 Yes, it did. 302 00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:31,120 It really made a big change in my life. 303 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,300 It really changed me into a different kind of person 304 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,050 and showed my real self and who I really am. 305 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:36,900 Isn't that funny? 306 00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:40,050 Cause, I thought I was the self that was messed up. 307 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:41,830 So, you're saying that that's not true. 308 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:42,690 No. 309 00:14:42,870 --> 00:14:43,710 Anybody else? 310 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:44,900 Carla did you get a patch? 311 00:14:44,930 --> 00:14:46,300 Yes, I did. 312 00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:51,530 I've been there for a year and six months. 313 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,980 It showed me that 314 00:14:56,020 --> 00:15:00,040 I don't really have to take it out on other people. 315 00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:06,680 Like anger and my frustrations on humans. 316 00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:12,150 Because I used to yell and scream 317 00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,340 when I was going mad. 318 00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:17,500 I used to scream at people 319 00:15:18,270 --> 00:15:22,090 It showed me that there are people that care 320 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:27,990 and that I don't have to treat people how I want 321 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,510 but I should at least respect that they're humans 322 00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:36,630 and not dogs or some animal or something 323 00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:42,100 that I should at least think that God's people 324 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:48,720 are my friends and I should treat them with respect. 325 00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,680 It sounds like you learned a lot from "Project Patch". 326 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,740 I have to say that I was lucky enough to go visit there once 327 00:15:55,770 --> 00:15:59,120 and "Project Patch" is a treatment facility in Idaho. 328 00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:02,090 There's people from all over the United States, I thought 329 00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:05,040 but you're from Canada, so it's from all over the place 330 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,110 and they come to learn different things 331 00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:10,960 and what I liked about what they did the day that I was there, 332 00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:13,540 is that I watched them run groups on how to do a thing or 333 00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:16,480 how to accept yourself, how to learn respect. 334 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,590 Why should I deal with my anger, if I don't have respect for 335 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:20,840 the people around me? 336 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,890 And I was really proud of them for what they offered you guys 337 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,910 I was really proud of the kids there or the teens there 338 00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:30,020 for the amount of work. 339 00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:33,770 Who doesn't know that learning a different way to handle things 340 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,580 is a lot of work. 341 00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,200 Oh, boy. 342 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,500 It's a bunch. 343 00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:44,740 It's really hard to learn different ways. 344 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,070 For me it was... 345 00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:47,920 When I first got there, 346 00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:52,080 I was like: 'What ways can I learn?' 347 00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:57,350 I only learned one or two ways and I was like 'Wow!' 348 00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,400 And next you take it out on a person. 349 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,850 'You're gonna get this and this is how I vent my anger 350 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,960 so I'm gonna get it on you, I'm gonna turn on you 351 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:07,110 and I'm gonna hurt you. ' 352 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,430 My problem was just that I was angry and I didn't care 353 00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:13,090 about if they liked it or not. 354 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,410 That was the whole point. 355 00:17:15,010 --> 00:17:16,920 I didn't care if it hurt them. 356 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,280 That's what I was aiming for. 357 00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:27,560 To take my hurt and vent it on X person as hard and as fast 358 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,750 and as viciously as I could 359 00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:32,110 And I was good at it. I was really good at it. 360 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,290 It's amazing to me, as I've met people that do it that way, 361 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,040 the way you were talking about 362 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,130 They're in somebody's face either verbally or physically 363 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,530 like what you were saying too, Patrick. 364 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:45,360 Or, they don't care. 365 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,620 It's all this different ways. 366 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:51,150 But I've seen people actually to start cutting on themselves too. 367 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,770 'I've got to, somehow, make myself feel better' 368 00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:56,290 I wanna ask another question. 369 00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,920 Does anybody know what the Bible says about anger? 370 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,610 Is there any script or reference to anger in the Bible? 371 00:18:02,890 --> 00:18:04,060 Actually, yes. 372 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,730 Oh, so we have tons. Good! 373 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,780 Because I think that what happened to me is when I learned 374 00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:09,840 What does God say about anger? 375 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,020 I mean, does He even talk about it? 376 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,250 Does He even admit it? 377 00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:17,040 So, Lori, will you start? 378 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,170 Yeah. 379 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:24,270 The one I have is Matthew 5, versus 21 and 22 380 00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:27,920 It says: "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago 381 00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,650 Do not murder and anyone who murders 382 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,360 will be subject to judgment. 383 00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:35,510 But I tell you, that anyone who is angry with his brother 384 00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:37,290 will be subject to judgment. 385 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,730 Again, anyone who says to his brother 386 00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:42,940 'Raca' is answerable to the Sanhedrin 387 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,500 But anyone who says, 'You fool!' 388 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,660 will be in danger of the fire of hell. " 389 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:47,860 That's amazing! 390 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:50,530 Anyone who says 'You fool!' will be in danger of the hell fires. 391 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,450 And I think, how many times have I called somebody like 392 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,710 'You're so stupid' or all that kind of stuff 393 00:18:56,740 --> 00:19:00,020 and what surprised me is that God was saying 394 00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:03,310 this is a big deal, we need to check ourselves. 395 00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:06,040 That helped me to realize that it was a big deal. 396 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:07,860 Do you have something Tim? 397 00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:08,640 Yeah. 398 00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:11,740 In Proverbs 29, 11 399 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,760 "A fool uttereth all his mind, 400 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,310 but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. " 401 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,010 Ok. So, does that make sense? 402 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,460 King James is a hard one. 403 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,650 And I love King James, because I think it sounds so cool. 404 00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:28,250 But does anybody have that verse in another version? 405 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,170 I do. 406 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,170 Can we get at Proverbs 29, 11? 407 00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:36,120 "A fool gives full vent to his anger, 408 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,080 but a wise man keeps himself under control. " 409 00:19:39,630 --> 00:19:41,240 So, that's pretty much: 410 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:45,730 Someone who's wise they'll give it to you 411 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,430 The other guy is like: ' I'm gonna get you good. ' 412 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,670 One does it the right way 413 00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:53,990 and the other one does it the wrong way 414 00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,220 and then someone hurts someone 415 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,920 or someone keeps their feelings safe. 416 00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:03,950 When I hear that, I think that some people tell you that 417 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:06,220 to turn the other chick and to just walk away 418 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:10,390 and it takes a bigger man or woman 419 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:14,020 to turn and walk away from this situation 420 00:20:14,060 --> 00:20:17,180 from the verbal argument or from the physical argument. 421 00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:20,160 It's a lot harder. It really is. 422 00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:22,880 But if you are able to just turn and walk away, 423 00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:25,330 I think that's kind of what this verse says. 424 00:20:25,870 --> 00:20:27,940 Because, you see, He gave us a wise man. 425 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,440 And how many people classify themselves as wise? 426 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,670 Not many. 427 00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:37,530 It is hard. It is an accomplishment. 428 00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:40,470 It is something to be proud of if you accomplish it. 429 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,330 And I think that's kind of uplifting, because 430 00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:45,550 now, that I finally have a vent on my anger 431 00:20:47,210 --> 00:20:50,020 hearing something like that it's uplifting going 432 00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:52,650 It's like a path on the back from God. 433 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,440 In a verbal sort of way. 434 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,680 Has everybody here gone from being angry and act enough 435 00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:01,950 to finding God? 436 00:21:01,990 --> 00:21:03,640 Have you found God, Gavin? 437 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,690 I have, to some extent. 438 00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:08,800 Although, I'm still not perfect. 439 00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:12,400 But I've got quite a bit more control on it. 440 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,510 Even if I do get mad, I go for a walk 441 00:21:16,550 --> 00:21:20,040 go draw or something, anything to keep me from... 442 00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:23,630 Because I would tear somebody to shreds. 443 00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:25,570 So you're saying that because it was such a habit 444 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,510 it's really tough for you to say 445 00:21:27,550 --> 00:21:30,760 ' I am choosing to do what God is leading me to do 446 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,150 but it's a habit, it's hard. ' 447 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:36,410 But it wasn't once every six months or once a week 448 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:37,530 or once a year 449 00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:40,110 It was like 20-30 times a day. 450 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,140 Everybody I'd run into, who displeased me 451 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,820 or I wasn't happy with or I wasn't content after something 452 00:21:46,850 --> 00:21:48,410 they were getting it. 453 00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:50,450 That was weird. 454 00:21:50,490 --> 00:21:52,220 Anybody else have a text that they wanna share? 455 00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:54,460 Go ahead, Carla. 456 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,350 This is Proverbs 29, 8 457 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:04,160 "Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger. " 458 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,690 And to me that's like 459 00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:16,040 somebody trying to control their anger and not trying to blow up 460 00:22:16,990 --> 00:22:20,290 that's what other people are doing to other people 461 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,010 or even to themselves. 462 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,600 It's really nice that God is there for everybody 463 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,690 You know what's funny about that text to me? 464 00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:37,660 Is that I have been around folks or people that were coming 465 00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,660 and the whole group was kind of peaceful 466 00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:41,630 and we were laughing about different things 467 00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:43,290 and pretty soon everybody is angry 468 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,880 and it's one person that would say: 469 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,180 ' Did you see the way someone said that? ' 470 00:22:47,490 --> 00:22:49,050 ' Were they kind of putting you down? ' 471 00:22:49,450 --> 00:22:50,200 And all of a sudden you think 472 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,080 ' Well, maybe they were putting me down. ' 473 00:22:52,110 --> 00:22:54,890 One person can change the whole mood. 474 00:22:54,930 --> 00:22:57,520 I think that's what it says, that a fool would come in 475 00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:58,680 and do all that dissension. 476 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,120 A fool would come in and get everybody going. 477 00:23:01,150 --> 00:23:02,750 And Gavin, you said that one time 478 00:23:02,790 --> 00:23:04,360 you knew exactly how to do that. 479 00:23:04,390 --> 00:23:05,610 And there's some damage, 480 00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:07,780 because I work with some kids from abused homes 481 00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:08,980 and they're 2 and 3 years old 482 00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:10,770 and they know exactly how to nail you 483 00:23:11,430 --> 00:23:13,410 Pretty soon you're mad at this little kid and you think 484 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,380 ' What happened? ' 485 00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:18,600 And it's a defense thing. They know how to do that. 486 00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:22,900 And I think it says that that's an easy thing to do 487 00:23:22,930 --> 00:23:24,690 but it definitely is not a wise thing to do. 488 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:25,110 No. 489 00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:26,930 So, you've got one Gavin? 490 00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:31,060 Actually I have one covering the anger of speech 491 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:35,010 It's in Colossians, chapter 3, verse 8 492 00:23:35,740 --> 00:23:38,250 It says: " But now ye also put off all these 493 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:43,570 anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication 494 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,010 out of your mouth. " 495 00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:46,980 That's kind of powerful. 496 00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:49,230 You're going: ' That is really wrong! ' 497 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,980 It's like that one that I believe you had Lori. 498 00:23:54,340 --> 00:23:56,780 The one where a fool... 499 00:23:58,490 --> 00:24:00,620 They all tie in. 500 00:24:00,630 --> 00:24:01,770 It's powerful. 501 00:24:01,810 --> 00:24:03,210 God knows what He's doing up there. 502 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,110 Oh boy, oh boy! 503 00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:09,420 We sometimes don't know what we're doing but we think 504 00:24:09,450 --> 00:24:13,220 that depending on what kind of environment you grow up in 505 00:24:13,250 --> 00:24:15,280 you learn to react in that way. 506 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,770 Like if you are abused, you learn to react in an abusive way 507 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,950 So in order to make up for everything they've ever done 508 00:24:21,990 --> 00:24:25,110 to you, you rush out at the next person that comes along, 509 00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,250 like Gavin was saying. 510 00:24:26,690 --> 00:24:29,540 You just take it out verbally or physically or however was 511 00:24:29,570 --> 00:24:31,880 that you were taught in your environment 512 00:24:31,910 --> 00:24:33,770 or however was you picked it up. 513 00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:37,640 I like the idea that... Sometimes I think that 514 00:24:37,950 --> 00:24:41,040 I'm gonna be able to get well just by thinking of it on my own 515 00:24:41,070 --> 00:24:43,540 So my mind is so messed up and I'm thinking 516 00:24:43,570 --> 00:24:45,170 ' How did I figure this out?' 517 00:24:46,140 --> 00:24:47,500 It's such a silly thing. 518 00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:49,750 God would tell me: ' Cheri, I love you, 519 00:24:49,790 --> 00:24:52,460 and I do think you're bright but you can't figure this out. 520 00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:54,670 If you could have, you would have changed. ' 521 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:56,810 And so, I was surprised when I read the Bible 522 00:24:56,850 --> 00:24:58,970 and started seeing that it actually talks about anger 523 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:03,440 It talks about ways to think about it, to explore it. 524 00:25:03,470 --> 00:25:05,810 Ways that are going to help you understand 525 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:08,880 ' Why is it that I need to put energy in the change? ' 526 00:25:08,910 --> 00:25:10,170 What do you guys think? 527 00:25:10,210 --> 00:25:12,950 Is it energy, to change? I mean, does it work? 528 00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:14,400 It's a lot of it. 529 00:25:14,650 --> 00:25:16,220 You definitely have to try. 530 00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:19,080 It's not just like: ' I'm sorry! ' 531 00:25:19,410 --> 00:25:22,190 You just wake up one morning and you're gonna be perfect. 532 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,680 I think that it's more about wanting to change. 533 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,780 You can't do it through yourself 534 00:25:29,250 --> 00:25:30,700 You can't do it for somebody else either. 535 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,740 If you ask for God's help, He can help you in a lot of ways 536 00:25:36,070 --> 00:25:40,770 You can do a lot of things, only that you have to want to. 537 00:25:41,980 --> 00:25:44,720 If you don't want to do something 538 00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:45,950 nothing's gonna change. 539 00:25:45,990 --> 00:25:48,330 When I got angry, things that would help me... 540 00:25:49,020 --> 00:25:52,220 When I got angry, I went to a person, the person that hurt me 541 00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,000 and I talked to that person, and said: 542 00:25:54,030 --> 00:25:55,710 ' This is what you did, and you hurt me 543 00:25:55,750 --> 00:25:58,230 and we need to make this up before something bad happens 544 00:25:58,260 --> 00:26:01,300 before this builds up inside of us and explodes. ' 545 00:26:01,890 --> 00:26:03,300 And that's something that helped me 546 00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:06,040 Or going for a walk in the woods, or praying to God, 547 00:26:06,070 --> 00:26:07,900 or talking to Him just like to a friend 548 00:26:07,940 --> 00:26:10,030 ' I'm having some trouble God, I need some help. ' 549 00:26:10,580 --> 00:26:13,500 Or going to the person and tell him that I need help. 550 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,610 Talking to God is a really good way 551 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,640 But sometimes I would take 552 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,070 whatever problem it was I was having with a particular person 553 00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,990 I would take it out on God, and then 554 00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,280 I'd move that anger to God, 555 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,120 because He was the only person around at the time 556 00:26:28,150 --> 00:26:29,920 So I'd yell at God. 557 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,260 You can't really throw stuff at God but I'd try. 558 00:26:34,020 --> 00:26:35,770 Luckily with that kind of stuff 559 00:26:35,810 --> 00:26:38,090 I think God loves us enough that He can take that 560 00:26:38,490 --> 00:26:42,300 I wanna say I wish we had hours to cover this 561 00:26:42,340 --> 00:26:46,120 because it's hard to cover something this intense 562 00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:47,540 in a short period of time. 563 00:26:47,910 --> 00:26:53,020 But it sounds to me that most of the issues that we discussed 564 00:26:53,050 --> 00:26:56,300 right now, including my own, is a sense of unfairness. 565 00:26:56,340 --> 00:26:59,560 It's a sense of: ' Somehow, life has been unfair to me. ' 566 00:26:59,590 --> 00:27:01,470 And most of the time, it has. 567 00:27:01,510 --> 00:27:04,690 Most of the time it's not ok to be abused 568 00:27:04,730 --> 00:27:08,310 it's not ok to be abandoned, or adopted or feel rejection 569 00:27:08,350 --> 00:27:11,840 from family members or to even perceive that that's the issue. 570 00:27:12,100 --> 00:27:14,400 And so anger just develops. 571 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,050 But what I do know, more than I know anything else, 572 00:27:18,090 --> 00:27:20,580 is that we can't figure it out on our own and it's in the Bible 573 00:27:20,610 --> 00:27:22,100 It's in the Bible how to deal with it, 574 00:27:22,130 --> 00:27:23,170 there's ways to deal with it, 575 00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:25,340 there's people that can teach us to deal with it, 576 00:27:25,370 --> 00:27:27,010 and most of all, God can teach us. 577 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,540 Which I have to lean on sometimes. 578 00:27:29,580 --> 00:27:31,390 Sometimes I have to just get on my knees and say: 579 00:27:31,420 --> 00:27:33,560 ' You know what? I wanna hurt this person. ' 580 00:27:34,030 --> 00:27:35,250 ' God, please help me! ' 581 00:27:35,290 --> 00:27:36,440 So, please, take it to God. 582 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,330 Open your Bible and figure out how to deal with this. 583 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,640 Thank you for joining us on "Teen Pathways" 584 00:27:41,670 --> 00:27:44,380 See you next time!