1
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:18,890
Hi.

2
00:00:18,890 --> 00:00:19,570
Hello you guys.

3
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:20,480
How are you guys doing?

4
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,030
We're alright thanks.

5
00:00:22,030 --> 00:00:23,830
You're not going to believe
what we're going to talk about,

6
00:00:23,830 --> 00:00:27,390
because this is your story
Gavin. No I'm kidding.

7
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:33,030
We're going to talk about
"When God ran",

8
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:34,590
and I'm not even going to get
into that yet, as to what

9
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:38,110
that means, but the only time
I saw God run is when?

10
00:00:38,110 --> 00:00:39,990
That's today's topic.
My name is Cheri,

11
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,890
Welcome to Teen Pathways,
and before we start the show

12
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,950
I want to go ahead and let you
guys introduce yourselves

13
00:00:45,950 --> 00:00:47,540
because everybody is from
different places

14
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:48,770
and different backgrounds.

15
00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:51,350
So can we start over here,
and introduce yourself,

16
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:52,430
and where are you from?

17
00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:56,930
Hi, my name is Tim Blackburn
and I'm from Eagle, Idaho.

18
00:00:57,740 --> 00:01:00,730
My name is Patrick Earl, and I'm
from Salmon, Idaho.

19
00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:04,080
My name's Carla Wake, and I'm
from Canada.

20
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:07,180
My name is Gavin Sailsbery
and I'm from [?], Washington,

21
00:01:07,180 --> 00:01:09,710
and I can say that I have seen
God run.

22
00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:11,050
Great.

23
00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:11,970
Yeah.

24
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:15,150
My name is Jessica Anguiano,
and I'm from Texas,

25
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:18,080
recently moved down to
West Frankfort, Illinois.

26
00:01:18,820 --> 00:01:21,440
My name is Lori Sproat
and I live in Eagle, Idaho,

27
00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:24,290
and I've been there my whole
life so far.

28
00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:27,160
Hi Lori, thank you for joining
us everybody.

29
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:32,370
So today, "when God ran",
there's only place in the Bible,

30
00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:36,360
every place in the Bible talks
about a wonderful counsellor,

31
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,560
a mighty king, a warrior,
God is our Father,

32
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:45,820
God it the beginning, the middle
and the end, and it says

33
00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:49,830
all these incredible things
about God, and there's one place

34
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:52,610
where it talks about
when God ran.

35
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:56,200
Does anybody know
what story I'm talking about.

36
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,270
I think I do.

37
00:01:57,270 --> 00:01:57,710
What?

38
00:01:57,710 --> 00:01:59,880
The Prodigal Son, who ran to
Him.

39
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,040
Exactly.

40
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,940
Do you know where that
story is?

41
00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:07,190
Actually, it's in Luke 15,
starts at verse 11.

42
00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:08,190
Can you read it?

43
00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:09,870
Me? Yeah.

44
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,500
The story is incredible, and the
reason for you guys being

45
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:17,600
on this show is the fact that
I think everyone here

46
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,930
is going to be able to
relate to this story.

47
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,170
Ok.

48
00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:24,990
Go ahead.

49
00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:25,890
Ok.

50
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:28,960
"There was a man
who had two sons."

51
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,900
"The younger one
said to his father,"

52
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,860
"'Father, give me my
share of the estate.'"

53
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:36,030
"So he divided his property
between them."

54
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,710
"Not long after that, the
younger son got together"

55
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:42,500
"all he had, set off
for a distant country"

56
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:46,000
"and there squandered
his wealth in wild living."

57
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:50,530
Has anybody here, lived wild?

58
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,370
The first time I read that
I thought, you know what?

59
00:02:55,370 --> 00:02:59,090
I felt I could relate to
this guy because

60
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:02,170
"give me the money dad, I don't
want to wait till you die"

61
00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:04,680
and all that kind of stuff,
"I want to go party."

62
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,450
"And I don't want to stay here,
I want to go off."

63
00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:10,920
So he went to another land, and
it sounds like he just partied.

64
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,500
Yeah. I can relate too.

65
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,060
Me too.

66
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,840
Absolutely.

67
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:21,200
It says in verse 14:
"After he had spent everything,"

68
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,850
"there was a severe famine
in that whole country,"

69
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:27,350
"and he began to be in need.
So he went and hired himself"

70
00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:30,340
"out to a citizen of that
country, who sent him"

71
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:34,260
"to his fields to feed pigs.
He longed to fill his stomach"

72
00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:36,520
"with the pods that
the pigs were eating,"

73
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,880
"but no one gave him anything."

74
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:45,120
One time I was so broke, and I
was so hungry that I got a job

75
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,520
working in a factory.
And I worked in this factory,

76
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,680
not that factory jobs are bad,
but this factory was so bad

77
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:55,440
and I worked this huge punch
press, and they had to tape

78
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:58,470
long tongue blades onto my
fingers because they didn't

79
00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:00,700
have a safety thing for the
punch press, so they taped

80
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,390
these long tongue blades
on my fingers,

81
00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:04,850
so when I put something into
the punch press,

82
00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,760
that punches out whatever
the shape is that they

83
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,680
want to make, that I didn't
cut my fingers off,

84
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,700
but I also got fired from the
job because I kept cutting

85
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:15,920
the tongue blades off.
But I can again relate

86
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,880
because this guy is like:
"I just need a job, and I don't"

87
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,270
"have any money anymore."

88
00:04:20,270 --> 00:04:22,260
Watching the pigs, it sounds
like he really had to swallow

89
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,680
his pride after being so
wealthy too.

90
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:27,290
You know, he really was
in the depths of despair.

91
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:31,300
And it goes on to say in
verse 17: "When he came"

92
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,170
"to his senses, he said,
'How many of my father's"

93
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,420
"hired men have
food to spare,"

94
00:04:36,780 --> 00:04:38,960
"and here I am
starving to death!"

95
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,990
"I will set out and go
back to my father"

96
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,970
"and say to him: Father, I
have sinned against heaven"

97
00:04:43,970 --> 00:04:46,800
"and against you.
I am no longer worthy"

98
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,480
"to be called your son;
make me like one of your"

99
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,650
"hired men. So he got up
and went to his father."

100
00:04:57,090 --> 00:04:58,840
"But while he was
still a long way off,"

101
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,010
"his father saw him and was
filled with compassion for him;"

102
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:05,330
"he ran to his son, threw his
arms around him and kissed him."

103
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:10,540
"The son said to him, 'Father,
I have sinned against heaven'"

104
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,610
"and against you. I am no longer
worthy to be called your son."

105
00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:18,110
"But the father said
to his servants, 'Quick!'"

106
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,200
"Bring the best robe
and put it on him."

107
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,250
"Put a ring on his finger
and sandals on his feet."

108
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,620
"Bring the fattened
calf and kill it."

109
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,810
"Let's have a feast and
celebrate. For this son of mine"

110
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:33,530
"was dead and is alive again;
he was lost and is found."

111
00:05:33,530 --> 00:05:35,160
"So they began
to celebrate."

112
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,410
Isn't that great?
I love that.

113
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,960
Can anybody relate to that
as being in a place

114
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,110
where all of a sudden, because
in the parable, who does

115
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,750
the father represent?

116
00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:47,450
Jesus.
God.

117
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,270
This is Jesus,
this is God.

118
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:57,880
Gavin you had said something
at one point is that, I think

119
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,440
this was earlier, but you had
said at one point that he

120
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,140
must have been
looking for him.

121
00:06:02,140 --> 00:06:05,030
Yeah, everyday.
He must have been out there

122
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:07,320
because his father saw him
from a distance

123
00:06:07,890 --> 00:06:10,000
and he obviously wasn't in
the field working because he had

124
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,900
the servants, so he had to be
out there.

125
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:15,450
Everyday, just saying: "I hope
my son will come today."

126
00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:22,010
So, if the father represents
God in the parable,

127
00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:24,080
then who does the
son represent?

128
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:28,780
Me, all of us, anybody
who leaves.

129
00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:35,260
What I'd like for this, I would
like to explain to people

130
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,750
what the parable means in
modern day life,

131
00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:40,450
and who are the prodigals
and who is the father.

132
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:44,320
So today we're going to cover
people's testimonies.

133
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,700
Lori, I would like to talk
a little bit about where

134
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:51,020
you came from and start
with you, is that alright?

135
00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:55,300
Yeah.
I had, kind of, not really

136
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,420
what I would call a
dysfunctional family,

137
00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:59,790
but I know you would call
it that because you've heard

138
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:00,850
about it.

139
00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:02,700
And I know them, I've heard the
stories, and I'm thinking

140
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,090
that it's going to be funny
for me to figure out what you

141
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,930
call dysfunctional then.
[Group Laughs]

142
00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:12,440
I was adopted first of all,
and my adopted family,

143
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:18,980
was, I guess, kind of normal
for the time which I grew up,

144
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,660
but I was...erm....

145
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,840
My adoptive father was an
alcoholic.

146
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,070
Functional alcoholic.

147
00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:31,670
A functional alcoholic, yeah.
So I had problems with that

148
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:34,110
because we always had our
bags packed and we were

149
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:37,140
ready to go to somebody
else's house to spend the night,

150
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,800
or the weekend, or whatever
the case may be.

151
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:40,730
Because...?

152
00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:45,780
Because he had violent
tendencies, verbally,

153
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:47,730
and sometimes physically.

154
00:07:47,730 --> 00:07:51,000
So wait, he would act out
violent, so you guys

155
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,110
would be packed and ready to go
at any given time,

156
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:55,030
just in case.

157
00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:55,770
Yeah.

158
00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:56,790
How old were you?

159
00:07:58,150 --> 00:08:00,510
I don't even remember.
I know it started before

160
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:03,420
I can remember, but I remember
the youngest being at like,

161
00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:04,570
age 4.

162
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,680
Ok.

163
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:08,660
I remember a funny story though
I can tell you,

164
00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:10,250
when I was age 3.

165
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:17,660
I'd seen at that young age
what alcohol did to people

166
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:21,490
and how they reacted by watching
my uncles and my dad

167
00:08:21,490 --> 00:08:24,810
and everything, and so one time
he did give me a sip

168
00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:27,830
of his drink and I thought
it would be funny,

169
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:29,890
and I thought I was drunk,
so I was running around

170
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:32,630
dancing, screaming, and doing
cartwheels because I thought

171
00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:35,210
I was, you know, a drunk
little kid.

172
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:37,200
And that's what you saw
him do.

173
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:40,610
That's the kind of stuff I saw
other people do in my life,

174
00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:42,450
so I thought that's how they
acted even though

175
00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:44,280
I really wasn't.

176
00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:49,100
Then I kind of went down hill
from there I guess.

177
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,550
[Everyone laughs]

178
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:56,180
I laugh, but I think,
at 3 years old

179
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,270
you shouldn't have been
having to run from somebody

180
00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:03,970
that was violent, or to know
what it means to have a drunk

181
00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:05,770
live in your house,
and all that kind of stuff,

182
00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:09,180
so part of me feels that's
real sad, even though I think

183
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:12,370
you are funny, in the way you
present it, is really funny.

184
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,820
A lot of the times it was really
sad, I remember just locking

185
00:09:16,820 --> 00:09:20,030
myself in my room, or I'd go
in my closet because I had

186
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,560
a really big closet, and I could
disappear, and I could

187
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,940
just sit there and cry
for hours, or I'd go outside

188
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,980
and cry because I had 2 dogs
and they were my best friends

189
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,850
so that's all I did,
was go out and cry with them,

190
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:33,140
wherever I was.

191
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:38,210
Then I started getting really
depressed about everything

192
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,840
that started to happen.

193
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,660
My adoptive mom was diagnosed
with cancer and she started

194
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:47,170
to get really sick, she wasn't
at first, they tried to hide

195
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,190
it from me, like it was
no big deal, and everyone was

196
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,710
going to live, but I knew
anyway that she

197
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:57,230
was going to die, I didn't know
when, I just knew she was.

198
00:09:57,570 --> 00:10:00,600
Isn't it weird that she
is the one that ends up

199
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,160
getting sick, when he was the
one who was so abusive.

200
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:08,340
Yeah. And that really made me
very very angry for a long time

201
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:12,670
because I can honestly say
that I had wished, and prayed

202
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:16,180
and hoped, and everything in me,
wanted him to die.

203
00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:19,670
I wanted to kill him myself even
at one point.

204
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:23,520
Everything in me wanted him
to be dead, and when I found out

205
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,930
that it was actually going to be
my mom that was going to die,

206
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:31,970
that really put a lot of
hatred in me, even more

207
00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:35,130
towards my dad
and it made me angry at God.

208
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:38,020
But at the same time I still
turned to Him because I knew

209
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:41,780
that I would need some kind of
help because I was doing drugs

210
00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:45,050
and I was into the gangs
and the violence and seeing

211
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:47,660
people stabbed and murdered
in the street.

212
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,970
And you were how old now?

213
00:10:49,970 --> 00:10:52,880
I was about 14-15.

214
00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:58,930
I was raped at the same time
by someone I knew.

215
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:04,260
I mean, things like that happen
and I just became numb

216
00:11:04,650 --> 00:11:07,580
to death, and to pain,
and to anything

217
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:10,650
that could happen to you
as a child.

218
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:14,950
By that time I realized that
there is something obviously

219
00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:21,460
wrong with my life because I'd
gone to probably 7-10 funerals

220
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:26,020
by the time I was 10; people
that had killed themselves,

221
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:28,250
people that I loved,
people that loved me.

222
00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:32,550
The only people that I'd ever
known, that gave me love

223
00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:37,360
had all died, or some
committed suicide in some cases.

224
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:41,100
So my thoughts started turning
to suicide. I thought:

225
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,270
"There's nothing else for me
to do, there's no point"

226
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:47,300
"in me being here because
nobody else cares for me"

227
00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:49,850
because I was adopted in the
first place, so obviously,

228
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:51,690
my real parents didn't
care for me,

229
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:52,970
so they didn't care what
happened.

230
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:54,160
They gave me away.

231
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,520
Did you ever know them?

232
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,670
No. I've never known them.

233
00:11:58,610 --> 00:12:02,760
I found some things out,
but it's all confusing to me,

234
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,980
I have no idea.

235
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:10,360
I thought it was so hard,
I thought if no one wanted me

236
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,650
in the first place, why am I
even here now?

237
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:15,190
What difference does it make?
no one's going to miss me,

238
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,980
no one's really
going to care.

239
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:20,250
Just because no one else in my
life had ever cared about me,

240
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:22,710
and I'd never known
what love was.

241
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:26,580
Some people that I do started
taking me to church

242
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:30,510
during that time and so I knew
about God,

243
00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:32,480
I knew all these things,
I knew the stories,

244
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,170
I knew who He was, I knew
there was someone up there,

245
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:38,230
but I never
knew it right in my heart.

246
00:12:38,230 --> 00:12:42,220
I never knew who
God was in me.

247
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,510
I never knew that He had
a purpose for my life.

248
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:49,390
I'd like to read something
that helped me.

249
00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:54,060
It's in Lamentations 3:55.
It says:

250
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:57,240
"I called on your name, O LORD,
from the depths of the pit."

251
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,840
"You heard my plea:
'Do not close your ears'"

252
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:04,060
"'to my cry for relief.' You
came near when I called you,"

253
00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,840
"and you said, 'Do not fear.'"

254
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,230
"O Lord, you took up my case;
you redeemed my life."

255
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:14,120
To me that describes
my whole life.

256
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:18,780
The pain that I saw, the people
that I saw get stabbed,

257
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:23,450
the drugs that I sold to people
that probably have killed lives,

258
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:28,560
I have no idea, the pain I've
caused, I know from things

259
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,300
I've said, from people
I've hurt physically.

260
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,310
I just have this overwhelming
guilt and pain sometimes,

261
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:38,690
and I think "How could I have
done those things?"

262
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:40,310
"How could I have
been so cruel?"

263
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:45,570
But I think about those things
and I have to remember

264
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:49,380
that God never gives you more
than you can handle,

265
00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:51,990
and He always gives you
something, and you're supposed

266
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:53,790
to make something better
out of it.

267
00:13:53,790 --> 00:13:56,610
Like all the struggles I went
through, I know that I can

268
00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:58,940
use them for a better purpose,
to help other people.

269
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:03,040
Just to sit down and listen
to them, and they know

270
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,460
that they're not the only ones
who've been through hard times.

271
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:10,180
One thing I think is the most
incredible thing, is that,

272
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:14,280
and if anybody else feels this,
just jump in, but the fact

273
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,650
that you've been through
horrible stuff from

274
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:18,320
a little girl, and I know
from personally

275
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:23,190
talking to you that your family
actually called you names,

276
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:27,520
put you down, and all the
alcohol, and the stuff

277
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,460
in the family, and then the
adoption, and then ending up

278
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:32,000
on the streets, and getting
involved in that whole

279
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,620
lifestyle, and all the anger
that built up. I can't imagine

280
00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:38,470
all of a sudden being at church
and realizing that God says:

281
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:40,010
"I love you."

282
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,680
When you realized that, what was
that about?

283
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,810
How did that feel?

284
00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:47,050
It really, actually, kind of
scared me,

285
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:50,870
and it still does, because
I've never actually known love

286
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:56,840
until recently and I still
push away from it

287
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,810
because it is like a
foreign object to me,

288
00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:01,550
something that you
don't know about,

289
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:05,000
that you're really scared about.
It's like fire.

290
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,850
If you touch it, you can get
burned, that's how I feel

291
00:15:07,850 --> 00:15:10,810
about love, is that if I get
too close, I'm going to get

292
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:14,710
burned, so I just back away,
I don't play with the fire.

293
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,220
But I know that no matter
when I do that

294
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,940
I can always go back
to God now.

295
00:15:22,370 --> 00:15:24,150
It took me a long time
to learn that,

296
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:28,960
but I learned it because my of
my adopted mom's death,

297
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,100
and this vision that I had.

298
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,060
It didn't just happen over
night that I just,

299
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:40,460
all of a sudden go: "I'm going
to change and I'm not going"

300
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:43,230
"to be this way anymore.
I know that God loves me"

301
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:46,050
"and everything is alright
and I can go on making it"

302
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:48,340
"everyday of my life,
for the rest of my life."

303
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,160
because I know that's
not true.

304
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:53,980
I had to really struggle
with that, those were things

305
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:55,940
I had to really struggle with,
the pain.

306
00:15:57,860 --> 00:16:01,690
I went to counseling actually,
but I manipulated the counselors

307
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:04,860
into believing that everything
I said was true,

308
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,730
and so I quit going to
counseling because they

309
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:10,090
thought I was a perfectly
normal child.

310
00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,040
[Group laughs]

311
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:14,000
We could tell them differently.
[Everyone laughs]

312
00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:21,430
So the prodigal story says
that God saw you somehow,

313
00:16:21,530 --> 00:16:24,250
saw you in church, saw you
coming back in that direction

314
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:28,380
and He ran, He says: "You know
Lori, I'm crazy about you"

315
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:31,120
"and thank you for coming",
and do you have that sense,

316
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,590
even through your struggles,
that God is nurturing,

317
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:37,620
God is there saying...?

318
00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:42,070
I have that so much more today
than I have ever had it

319
00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:45,310
in my life, just because
of all the trials

320
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,480
that I've gone through,
I know that there is nothing

321
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:51,490
too big that God can't handle
if we just give it to God.

322
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,380
I know that was my problem,
I tried to handle everything

323
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:58,050
on my own and I stored it all up
inside of me, but then I just

324
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:03,640
blew up and I lost control.
I realize now that whenever

325
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,510
something happens to me,
whenever a struggle comes up

326
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:10,020
in my life, I just say:
"God, I can't do this."

327
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:12,830
Either you end up on your back,
or flat on your face,

328
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:15,030
or on your knees, but somehow
you're going to reach out

329
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:19,150
to God because you just can't
go on doing whatever it is

330
00:17:19,150 --> 00:17:22,030
you're doing, you've got
to reach up to someone.

331
00:17:22,030 --> 00:17:23,930
You're either going to end up
flat on your back,

332
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:26,460
looking to the sky and saying:
"God, why me?"

333
00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:31,090
or you're going to blame Him,
or you're going to question Him,

334
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,500
or you're going to want
His love.

335
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,930
It sounds like the prodigal,
when he's laying down

336
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,560
in the pig's pen and saying:
"Oh please,"

337
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,550
"my father's servants get
better than this."

338
00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:46,030
My mother was my saving grace.

339
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:53,080
I ran away from my mother
because we had a fight

340
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,460
and I just took off, and so
she sent me away,

341
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:58,350
and then I got kicked out
of that house too,

342
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:01,900
and I was like "No! I'm not
going back to my mom."

343
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:04,630
So, I was living on the streets
for a while.

344
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:09,770
I was just taking whatever
I needed from whoever, to live.

345
00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:11,960
That was just the
way it was.

346
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,040
It was really survival.

347
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,500
It was a kill or
be killed world.

348
00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:23,420
And I got sick,
physically sick

349
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,580
to where I thought I was
going to die,

350
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,640
with the drugs
and everything.

351
00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:32,860
I made one phone call,
and I made it to my mother,

352
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,160
in a different state.

353
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,900
And she, and the guy, Pat [?],
I told you about him

354
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:42,420
in a different episode, most
wonderful man on Earth,

355
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,980
they both brought
me home.

356
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,420
And it was like the unforgivable
sin, they forgave,

357
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,270
and they didn't even think
twice about.

358
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,150
It was like:
"Mom, can...?" "Yes!"

359
00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:58,180
I didn't even have to finish.

360
00:18:59,870 --> 00:19:04,050
It's the unconditional love
that they have for me.

361
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,910
I loved it, it turned my life
around.

362
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,470
It's that they basically
accepted you right away.

363
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,090
Absolutely.
Right off.

364
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:20,810
It was: "I don't care where you
were, what you were doing"

365
00:19:20,810 --> 00:19:22,730
"while you were gone,
but you're here now,"

366
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:26,670
"and we love you anyway."
both of them.

367
00:19:26,770 --> 00:19:29,060
It sounds like they were waiting
for you to...

368
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:29,900
They were.

369
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:36,300
Again, I have the privilege of
knowing the rest of the story.

370
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:40,330
The first time we met, Gavin,
was in Portland, Oregon.

371
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:45,810
You wowed me, you just
wowed me, and I felt like

372
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,910
you were this person
on fire for God.

373
00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:53,680
How did you get from the point
of having mom accept you back,

374
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,370
to finding that God accepted
you back too?

375
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:02,870
She raised me knowing God,
loving God, fearing God,

376
00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:08,120
respecting God, and we got
in that fight, and I just

377
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,760
pushed away everything
that reminded me of my mother,

378
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,930
everything!

379
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:13,860
The clothes I wore, the people
I hung out with,

380
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:16,160
the way I talked,
the books I read,

381
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,540
the movies I watched,
everything that she wouldn't

382
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:21,670
let me do, I did, because
I didn't care.

383
00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:26,000
When she accepted me back,
I saw that she was right

384
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,540
all along.

385
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:30,320
I stuck my foot in my mouth
and chewed it up and tried

386
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,130
to swallow it, and then she
had to pull it out.

387
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,830
"Hey, that won't work like
that."

388
00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:41,210
I realized if an imperfect
mother has that much love

389
00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:44,640
for her son, imagine what a
perfect God can have

390
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:46,750
for each one of us.

391
00:20:47,230 --> 00:20:48,670
He must...

392
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:51,900
It must really
just kill Him

393
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,590
that we do this
to ourselves,

394
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,170
that we let this happen
to us.

395
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,800
All they do is wait.

396
00:21:03,980 --> 00:21:06,200
So it's like: "How long are
we going to make Him wait"

397
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,660
"before we go home?"

398
00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:12,170
Because it is our choice,
ultimately.

399
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,300
One thing I think is interesting
is that there are times,

400
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,520
and again, I'd like to ask
you guys if you can relate

401
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,230
to this, there's times that
being the prodigal,

402
00:21:22,230 --> 00:21:25,810
or being the person that goes
out to find a place to party,

403
00:21:25,810 --> 00:21:29,150
is fun, and so not only did I
walk away from things,

404
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:32,080
but what about when it's
and it's not out of pain

405
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,240
and it's not out of anger,
when it's just that this is

406
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,000
a good time, and I'm going
to have a good time,

407
00:21:37,710 --> 00:21:40,190
I want my inheritance.

408
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:43,290
It was never that way for me.
I never left home.

409
00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:46,610
It was always at home where
the problems started.

410
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:49,010
I was really young,
at around age of 8,

411
00:21:49,010 --> 00:21:51,720
and my dad got sued,
he's a doctor,

412
00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:54,330
and it tore the family apart
because we used to do things

413
00:21:54,330 --> 00:21:59,090
together, like go out to eat,
go for walks together.

414
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:04,710
Why did it stop those things?

415
00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:06,360
Because he got depressed.

416
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,120
He just stopped doing that
kind of stuff.

417
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,440
He got depressed over life,
he just didn't want

418
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,570
to live anymore and that
started tearing the family up.

419
00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:17,480
I started getting depressed
and angry

420
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,680
because he wasn't with us
and he wasn't

421
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:23,860
doing the things that he usually
did with us.

422
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,870
That started up the cycle,
and then years later

423
00:22:28,070 --> 00:22:31,780
it was just so bad, I found
a place called "Project Patch"

424
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:34,660
and I talked about
that before.

425
00:22:34,660 --> 00:22:37,860
Project Patch.
You found [?], it's incredible,

426
00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:38,680
in Idaho.

427
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:43,000
Yeah.
I found out that God is there

428
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,300
and He can help you
with your problems,

429
00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:46,870
and I went there.

430
00:22:47,710 --> 00:22:49,600
When you talk about your
experience

431
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,350
of leaving everything, you left
mentally, not physically,

432
00:22:53,350 --> 00:22:56,390
so you, physically, were still
in the same place,

433
00:22:56,390 --> 00:22:59,440
in the same home, you weren't
out doing...

434
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,910
I never left home, I mean,
I've ran away before,

435
00:23:02,910 --> 00:23:06,330
but I never stayed away
from home because I was

436
00:23:06,330 --> 00:23:08,100
so depressed.

437
00:23:10,350 --> 00:23:14,100
I mostly was just at home,
the pain was at home,

438
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:18,180
the things that happened where
at home, so that's where

439
00:23:18,180 --> 00:23:21,660
the pain was and that's where
my life, mostly, was;

440
00:23:21,660 --> 00:23:24,120
where the anger and
everything else was.

441
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,630
Project Patch is where
you found...?

442
00:23:26,630 --> 00:23:29,080
Did you find God again?
Did you find hope again?

443
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:33,190
Well, I'd known God, but when my
dad was sued,

444
00:23:33,190 --> 00:23:36,680
God was out of the picture,
I still talked to Him,

445
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,000
because I was faking it
the whole time, and I found

446
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,680
God at Patch, and I found
how to solve my problems,

447
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:46,680
and I got back home,
my dad was changing,

448
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,380
our life was going back together
and it was like:

449
00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:52,110
"Yes, this is what I want, God.
Thank you."

450
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:53,480
Amen.

451
00:23:54,010 --> 00:23:57,400
Tim.  You're experience is a
little bit different,

452
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,140
but I know that you've come
from a Christian home.

453
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,550
Yeah I came from a Christian
home,

454
00:24:06,910 --> 00:24:08,440
born and raised.

455
00:24:09,650 --> 00:24:12,350
I took a spiritual trip.

456
00:24:15,470 --> 00:24:18,900
I was on a spiritual quest,
was basically what I was on.

457
00:24:19,780 --> 00:24:22,930
I did everything, well I didn't
really do everything,

458
00:24:22,930 --> 00:24:29,380
I've done things from witchcraft
to voodoo, stuff like that.

459
00:24:31,020 --> 00:24:35,240
It never really satisfied me,
until I came back to God,

460
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,460
and God just basically said
to me:

461
00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:41,250
"I love you. I have always
loved you. I will always"

462
00:24:41,550 --> 00:24:44,010
"continually love you not matter
what you do."

463
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,250
For one, I'd like to know how
you came back,

464
00:24:47,250 --> 00:24:50,630
and another is that didn't it
surprise you that it was so easy

465
00:24:50,630 --> 00:24:52,610
to come back and He's like:
"I love you,"

466
00:24:52,610 --> 00:24:54,210
"I'm so glad you're back."

467
00:24:54,210 --> 00:24:57,480
Yeah. One of the reasons
I came back is

468
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,010
first of all, I met you,
[everyone laughs]

469
00:25:02,510 --> 00:25:08,980
and what happened was I was
reading a book on love spells,

470
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,230
and one of the things in the book
said that

471
00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:17,110
if you put a love spell
on someone who's in love

472
00:25:17,110 --> 00:25:20,210
with someone else, that one
of the people can die,

473
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,750
accidentally, or by suicide,
or an accidental death

474
00:25:23,750 --> 00:25:26,230
or something like that,
and I was like:

475
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:28,320
"I'm not in the
right place."

476
00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:35,700
I moved slowly back in
with God.

477
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:41,650
I'm still working on our
relationship a lot.

478
00:25:43,090 --> 00:25:45,260
Do you feel that God is
acceptant of you?

479
00:25:45,260 --> 00:25:47,850
That God says: "Please come
back"?

480
00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:48,710
Yeah.

481
00:25:48,710 --> 00:25:50,950
And Jessica, the same?
Do you feel that God

482
00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:53,480
is accepting? Because you're
just stepping back too.

483
00:25:54,210 --> 00:25:57,090
I'm trying my hardest,
in a way.

484
00:25:57,910 --> 00:26:03,400
I hope I could get back,
but it's hard.

485
00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:09,170
It is so hard because when
I fall, I fall!

486
00:26:09,170 --> 00:26:11,720
I stay down for a while.

487
00:26:12,620 --> 00:26:15,200
And then when I come back
it's just great.

488
00:26:17,050 --> 00:26:21,160
But I hope I can do it,
and I hope I can

489
00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:25,510
just be the way I was when I
was younger, when I was

490
00:26:25,510 --> 00:26:27,480
just growing up in church.

491
00:26:28,830 --> 00:26:31,480
Because it is peaceful when you
sit in the arms of God.

492
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:32,720
It is.

493
00:26:33,130 --> 00:26:34,610
It is very peaceful.

494
00:26:35,540 --> 00:26:41,920
I have to say, that for anybody
that has had the experience

495
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,250
of walking away, walking away
for whatever reason,

496
00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:48,240
because I'm injured, I'm hurt,
I am angry,

497
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,300
I am discouraged, I want to
go on a spiritual quest,

498
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,610
and walk away from things,
and see what I believe

499
00:26:54,610 --> 00:26:57,970
and what's out there,
or the adoption,

500
00:26:57,970 --> 00:27:01,120
or whatever the issue is,
is that I'm amazed

501
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:05,200
that we go out there, we do
things that are so silly,

502
00:27:05,230 --> 00:27:07,720
we could hurt ourselves,
get involved in drugs,

503
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,850
get involved in things that all
of a sudden, when it catches

504
00:27:10,850 --> 00:27:13,100
up on us, a lot of types
people have Emphysema

505
00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:15,360
and they have Liver Disease,
by the time it catches up

506
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,530
we physically tear ourselves up,
we lose everything,

507
00:27:18,530 --> 00:27:22,780
and by the time I'm on my
face, I'm saying to God:

508
00:27:22,780 --> 00:27:26,960
"Please, just take me back,"
and I look up, and instead

509
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,680
of seeing somebody wanting
judgement, instead of somebody

510
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,120
wanting to educate me
on how bad I was,

511
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,630
God is running to me.

512
00:27:32,630 --> 00:27:34,880
It says in the Bible that
all heaven rejoices when

513
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,110
we turn around and we accept
who we are.

514
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,140
I am a child of God,
God is my father,

515
00:27:42,140 --> 00:27:44,770
He wants to help me,
He wants to be with me,

516
00:27:44,870 --> 00:27:47,010
so please turn back, God is
waiting for you

517
00:27:47,010 --> 00:27:49,870
to turn back.
Thanks for joining us

518
00:27:49,870 --> 00:27:52,360
[Music for Credits]