Hi.
Hello you guys.
How are you guys doing?
We're alright thanks.
You're not going to believe what we're going to talk about,
because this is your story Gavin. No I'm kidding.
We're going to talk about "When God ran",
and I'm not even going to get into that yet, as to what
that means, but the only time I saw God run is when?
That's today's topic. My name is Cheri,
Welcome to Teen Pathways, and before we start the show
I want to go ahead and let you guys introduce yourselves
because everybody is from different places
and different backgrounds.
So can we start over here, and introduce yourself,
and where are you from?
Hi, my name is Tim Blackburn and I'm from Eagle, Idaho.
My name is Patrick Earl, and I'm from Salmon, Idaho.
My name's Carla Wake, and I'm from Canada.
My name is Gavin Sailsbery and I'm from [?], Washington,
and I can say that I have seen God run.
Great.
Yeah.
My name is Jessica Anguiano, and I'm from Texas,
recently moved down to West Frankfort, Illinois.
My name is Lori Sproat and I live in Eagle, Idaho,
and I've been there my whole life so far.
Hi Lori, thank you for joining us everybody.
So today, "when God ran", there's only place in the Bible,
every place in the Bible talks about a wonderful counsellor,
a mighty king, a warrior, God is our Father,
God it the beginning, the middle and the end, and it says
all these incredible things about God, and there's one place
where it talks about when God ran.
Does anybody know what story I'm talking about.
I think I do.
What?
The Prodigal Son, who ran to Him.
Exactly.
Do you know where that story is?
Actually, it's in Luke 15, starts at verse 11.
Can you read it?
Me? Yeah.
The story is incredible, and the reason for you guys being
on this show is the fact that I think everyone here
is going to be able to relate to this story.
Ok.
Go ahead.
Ok.
"There was a man who had two sons."
"The younger one said to his father,"
"'Father, give me my share of the estate.'"
"So he divided his property between them."
"Not long after that, the younger son got together"
"all he had, set off for a distant country"
"and there squandered his wealth in wild living."
Has anybody here, lived wild?
The first time I read that I thought, you know what?
I felt I could relate to this guy because
"give me the money dad, I don't want to wait till you die"
and all that kind of stuff, "I want to go party."
"And I don't want to stay here, I want to go off."
So he went to another land, and it sounds like he just partied.
Yeah. I can relate too.
Me too.
Absolutely.
It says in verse 14: "After he had spent everything,"
"there was a severe famine in that whole country,"
"and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself"
"out to a citizen of that country, who sent him"
"to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach"
"with the pods that the pigs were eating,"
"but no one gave him anything."
One time I was so broke, and I was so hungry that I got a job
working in a factory. And I worked in this factory,
not that factory jobs are bad, but this factory was so bad
and I worked this huge punch press, and they had to tape
long tongue blades onto my fingers because they didn't
have a safety thing for the punch press, so they taped
these long tongue blades on my fingers,
so when I put something into the punch press,
that punches out whatever the shape is that they
want to make, that I didn't cut my fingers off,
but I also got fired from the job because I kept cutting
the tongue blades off. But I can again relate
because this guy is like: "I just need a job, and I don't"
"have any money anymore."
Watching the pigs, it sounds like he really had to swallow
his pride after being so wealthy too.
You know, he really was in the depths of despair.
And it goes on to say in verse 17: "When he came"
"to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's"
"hired men have food to spare,"
"and here I am starving to death!"
"I will set out and go back to my father"
"and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven"
"and against you. I am no longer worthy"
"to be called your son; make me like one of your"
"hired men. So he got up and went to his father."
"But while he was still a long way off,"
"his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him;"
"he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven'"
"and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."
"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick!'"
"Bring the best robe and put it on him."
"Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet."
"Bring the fattened calf and kill it."
"Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine"
"was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."
"So they began to celebrate."
Isn't that great? I love that.
Can anybody relate to that as being in a place
where all of a sudden, because in the parable, who does
the father represent?
Jesus. God.
This is Jesus, this is God.
Gavin you had said something at one point is that, I think
this was earlier, but you had said at one point that he
must have been looking for him.
Yeah, everyday. He must have been out there
because his father saw him from a distance
and he obviously wasn't in the field working because he had
the servants, so he had to be out there.
Everyday, just saying: "I hope my son will come today."
So, if the father represents God in the parable,
then who does the son represent?
Me, all of us, anybody who leaves.
What I'd like for this, I would like to explain to people
what the parable means in modern day life,
and who are the prodigals and who is the father.
So today we're going to cover people's testimonies.
Lori, I would like to talk a little bit about where
you came from and start with you, is that alright?
Yeah. I had, kind of, not really
what I would call a dysfunctional family,
but I know you would call it that because you've heard
about it.
And I know them, I've heard the stories, and I'm thinking
that it's going to be funny for me to figure out what you
call dysfunctional then. [Group Laughs]
I was adopted first of all, and my adopted family,
was, I guess, kind of normal for the time which I grew up,
but I was...erm....
My adoptive father was an alcoholic.
Functional alcoholic.
A functional alcoholic, yeah. So I had problems with that
because we always had our bags packed and we were
ready to go to somebody else's house to spend the night,
or the weekend, or whatever the case may be.
Because...?
Because he had violent tendencies, verbally,
and sometimes physically.
So wait, he would act out violent, so you guys
would be packed and ready to go at any given time,
just in case.
Yeah.
How old were you?
I don't even remember. I know it started before
I can remember, but I remember the youngest being at like,
age 4.
Ok.
I remember a funny story though I can tell you,
when I was age 3.
I'd seen at that young age what alcohol did to people
and how they reacted by watching my uncles and my dad
and everything, and so one time he did give me a sip
of his drink and I thought it would be funny,
and I thought I was drunk, so I was running around
dancing, screaming, and doing cartwheels because I thought
I was, you know, a drunk little kid.
And that's what you saw him do.
That's the kind of stuff I saw other people do in my life,
so I thought that's how they acted even though
I really wasn't.
Then I kind of went down hill from there I guess.
[Everyone laughs]
I laugh, but I think, at 3 years old
you shouldn't have been having to run from somebody
that was violent, or to know what it means to have a drunk
live in your house, and all that kind of stuff,
so part of me feels that's real sad, even though I think
you are funny, in the way you present it, is really funny.
A lot of the times it was really sad, I remember just locking
myself in my room, or I'd go in my closet because I had
a really big closet, and I could disappear, and I could
just sit there and cry for hours, or I'd go outside
and cry because I had 2 dogs and they were my best friends
so that's all I did, was go out and cry with them,
wherever I was.
Then I started getting really depressed about everything
that started to happen.
My adoptive mom was diagnosed with cancer and she started
to get really sick, she wasn't at first, they tried to hide
it from me, like it was no big deal, and everyone was
going to live, but I knew anyway that she
was going to die, I didn't know when, I just knew she was.
Isn't it weird that she is the one that ends up
getting sick, when he was the one who was so abusive.
Yeah. And that really made me very very angry for a long time
because I can honestly say that I had wished, and prayed
and hoped, and everything in me, wanted him to die.
I wanted to kill him myself even at one point.
Everything in me wanted him to be dead, and when I found out
that it was actually going to be my mom that was going to die,
that really put a lot of hatred in me, even more
towards my dad and it made me angry at God.
But at the same time I still turned to Him because I knew
that I would need some kind of help because I was doing drugs
and I was into the gangs and the violence and seeing
people stabbed and murdered in the street.
And you were how old now?
I was about 14-15.
I was raped at the same time by someone I knew.
I mean, things like that happen and I just became numb
to death, and to pain, and to anything
that could happen to you as a child.
By that time I realized that there is something obviously
wrong with my life because I'd gone to probably 7-10 funerals
by the time I was 10; people that had killed themselves,
people that I loved, people that loved me.
The only people that I'd ever known, that gave me love
had all died, or some committed suicide in some cases.
So my thoughts started turning to suicide. I thought:
"There's nothing else for me to do, there's no point"
"in me being here because nobody else cares for me"
because I was adopted in the first place, so obviously,
my real parents didn't care for me,
so they didn't care what happened.
They gave me away.
Did you ever know them?
No. I've never known them.
I found some things out, but it's all confusing to me,
I have no idea.
I thought it was so hard, I thought if no one wanted me
in the first place, why am I even here now?
What difference does it make? no one's going to miss me,
no one's really going to care.
Just because no one else in my life had ever cared about me,
and I'd never known what love was.
Some people that I do started taking me to church
during that time and so I knew about God,
I knew all these things, I knew the stories,
I knew who He was, I knew there was someone up there,
but I never knew it right in my heart.
I never knew who God was in me.
I never knew that He had a purpose for my life.
I'd like to read something that helped me.
It's in Lamentations 3:55. It says:
"I called on your name, O LORD, from the depths of the pit."
"You heard my plea: 'Do not close your ears'"
"'to my cry for relief.' You came near when I called you,"
"and you said, 'Do not fear.'"
"O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life."
To me that describes my whole life.
The pain that I saw, the people that I saw get stabbed,
the drugs that I sold to people that probably have killed lives,
I have no idea, the pain I've caused, I know from things
I've said, from people I've hurt physically.
I just have this overwhelming guilt and pain sometimes,
and I think "How could I have done those things?"
"How could I have been so cruel?"
But I think about those things and I have to remember
that God never gives you more than you can handle,
and He always gives you something, and you're supposed
to make something better out of it.
Like all the struggles I went through, I know that I can
use them for a better purpose, to help other people.
Just to sit down and listen to them, and they know
that they're not the only ones who've been through hard times.
One thing I think is the most incredible thing, is that,
and if anybody else feels this, just jump in, but the fact
that you've been through horrible stuff from
a little girl, and I know from personally
talking to you that your family actually called you names,
put you down, and all the alcohol, and the stuff
in the family, and then the adoption, and then ending up
on the streets, and getting involved in that whole
lifestyle, and all the anger that built up. I can't imagine
all of a sudden being at church and realizing that God says:
"I love you."
When you realized that, what was that about?
How did that feel?
It really, actually, kind of scared me,
and it still does, because I've never actually known love
until recently and I still push away from it
because it is like a foreign object to me,
something that you don't know about,
that you're really scared about. It's like fire.
If you touch it, you can get burned, that's how I feel
about love, is that if I get too close, I'm going to get
burned, so I just back away, I don't play with the fire.
But I know that no matter when I do that
I can always go back to God now.
It took me a long time to learn that,
but I learned it because my of my adopted mom's death,
and this vision that I had.
It didn't just happen over night that I just,
all of a sudden go: "I'm going to change and I'm not going"
"to be this way anymore. I know that God loves me"
"and everything is alright and I can go on making it"
"everyday of my life, for the rest of my life."
because I know that's not true.
I had to really struggle with that, those were things
I had to really struggle with, the pain.
I went to counseling actually, but I manipulated the counselors
into believing that everything I said was true,
and so I quit going to counseling because they
thought I was a perfectly normal child.
[Group laughs]
We could tell them differently. [Everyone laughs]
So the prodigal story says that God saw you somehow,
saw you in church, saw you coming back in that direction
and He ran, He says: "You know Lori, I'm crazy about you"
"and thank you for coming", and do you have that sense,
even through your struggles, that God is nurturing,
God is there saying...?
I have that so much more today than I have ever had it
in my life, just because of all the trials
that I've gone through, I know that there is nothing
too big that God can't handle if we just give it to God.
I know that was my problem, I tried to handle everything
on my own and I stored it all up inside of me, but then I just
blew up and I lost control. I realize now that whenever
something happens to me, whenever a struggle comes up
in my life, I just say: "God, I can't do this."
Either you end up on your back, or flat on your face,
or on your knees, but somehow you're going to reach out
to God because you just can't go on doing whatever it is
you're doing, you've got to reach up to someone.
You're either going to end up flat on your back,
looking to the sky and saying: "God, why me?"
or you're going to blame Him, or you're going to question Him,
or you're going to want His love.
It sounds like the prodigal, when he's laying down
in the pig's pen and saying: "Oh please,"
"my father's servants get better than this."
My mother was my saving grace.
I ran away from my mother because we had a fight
and I just took off, and so she sent me away,
and then I got kicked out of that house too,
and I was like "No! I'm not going back to my mom."
So, I was living on the streets for a while.
I was just taking whatever I needed from whoever, to live.
That was just the way it was.
It was really survival.
It was a kill or be killed world.
And I got sick, physically sick
to where I thought I was going to die,
with the drugs and everything.
I made one phone call, and I made it to my mother,
in a different state.
And she, and the guy, Pat [?], I told you about him
in a different episode, most wonderful man on Earth,
they both brought me home.
And it was like the unforgivable sin, they forgave,
and they didn't even think twice about.
It was like: "Mom, can...?" "Yes!"
I didn't even have to finish.
It's the unconditional love that they have for me.
I loved it, it turned my life around.
It's that they basically accepted you right away.
Absolutely. Right off.
It was: "I don't care where you were, what you were doing"
"while you were gone, but you're here now,"
"and we love you anyway." both of them.
It sounds like they were waiting for you to...
They were.
Again, I have the privilege of knowing the rest of the story.
The first time we met, Gavin, was in Portland, Oregon.
You wowed me, you just wowed me, and I felt like
you were this person on fire for God.
How did you get from the point of having mom accept you back,
to finding that God accepted you back too?
She raised me knowing God, loving God, fearing God,
respecting God, and we got in that fight, and I just
pushed away everything that reminded me of my mother,
everything!
The clothes I wore, the people I hung out with,
the way I talked, the books I read,
the movies I watched, everything that she wouldn't
let me do, I did, because I didn't care.
When she accepted me back, I saw that she was right
all along.
I stuck my foot in my mouth and chewed it up and tried
to swallow it, and then she had to pull it out.
"Hey, that won't work like that."
I realized if an imperfect mother has that much love
for her son, imagine what a perfect God can have
for each one of us.
He must...
It must really just kill Him
that we do this to ourselves,
that we let this happen to us.
All they do is wait.
So it's like: "How long are we going to make Him wait"
"before we go home?"
Because it is our choice, ultimately.
One thing I think is interesting is that there are times,
and again, I'd like to ask you guys if you can relate
to this, there's times that being the prodigal,
or being the person that goes out to find a place to party,
is fun, and so not only did I walk away from things,
but what about when it's and it's not out of pain
and it's not out of anger, when it's just that this is
a good time, and I'm going to have a good time,
I want my inheritance.
It was never that way for me. I never left home.
It was always at home where the problems started.
I was really young, at around age of 8,
and my dad got sued, he's a doctor,
and it tore the family apart because we used to do things
together, like go out to eat, go for walks together.
Why did it stop those things?
Because he got depressed.
He just stopped doing that kind of stuff.
He got depressed over life, he just didn't want
to live anymore and that started tearing the family up.
I started getting depressed and angry
because he wasn't with us and he wasn't
doing the things that he usually did with us.
That started up the cycle, and then years later
it was just so bad, I found a place called "Project Patch"
and I talked about that before.
Project Patch. You found [?], it's incredible,
in Idaho.
Yeah. I found out that God is there
and He can help you with your problems,
and I went there.
When you talk about your experience
of leaving everything, you left mentally, not physically,
so you, physically, were still in the same place,
in the same home, you weren't out doing...
I never left home, I mean, I've ran away before,
but I never stayed away from home because I was
so depressed.
I mostly was just at home, the pain was at home,
the things that happened where at home, so that's where
the pain was and that's where my life, mostly, was;
where the anger and everything else was.
Project Patch is where you found...?
Did you find God again? Did you find hope again?
Well, I'd known God, but when my dad was sued,
God was out of the picture, I still talked to Him,
because I was faking it the whole time, and I found
God at Patch, and I found how to solve my problems,
and I got back home, my dad was changing,
our life was going back together and it was like:
"Yes, this is what I want, God. Thank you."
Amen.
Tim. You're experience is a little bit different,
but I know that you've come from a Christian home.
Yeah I came from a Christian home,
born and raised.
I took a spiritual trip.
I was on a spiritual quest, was basically what I was on.
I did everything, well I didn't really do everything,
I've done things from witchcraft to voodoo, stuff like that.
It never really satisfied me, until I came back to God,
and God just basically said to me:
"I love you. I have always loved you. I will always"
"continually love you not matter what you do."
For one, I'd like to know how you came back,
and another is that didn't it surprise you that it was so easy
to come back and He's like: "I love you,"
"I'm so glad you're back."
Yeah. One of the reasons I came back is
first of all, I met you, [everyone laughs]
and what happened was I was reading a book on love spells,
and one of the things in the book said that
if you put a love spell on someone who's in love
with someone else, that one of the people can die,
accidentally, or by suicide, or an accidental death
or something like that, and I was like:
"I'm not in the right place."
I moved slowly back in with God.
I'm still working on our relationship a lot.
Do you feel that God is acceptant of you?
That God says: "Please come back"?
Yeah.
And Jessica, the same? Do you feel that God
is accepting? Because you're just stepping back too.
I'm trying my hardest, in a way.
I hope I could get back, but it's hard.
It is so hard because when I fall, I fall!
I stay down for a while.
And then when I come back it's just great.
But I hope I can do it, and I hope I can
just be the way I was when I was younger, when I was
just growing up in church.
Because it is peaceful when you sit in the arms of God.
It is.
It is very peaceful.
I have to say, that for anybody that has had the experience
of walking away, walking away for whatever reason,
because I'm injured, I'm hurt, I am angry,
I am discouraged, I want to go on a spiritual quest,
and walk away from things, and see what I believe
and what's out there, or the adoption,
or whatever the issue is, is that I'm amazed
that we go out there, we do things that are so silly,
we could hurt ourselves, get involved in drugs,
get involved in things that all of a sudden, when it catches
up on us, a lot of types people have Emphysema
and they have Liver Disease, by the time it catches up
we physically tear ourselves up, we lose everything,
and by the time I'm on my face, I'm saying to God:
"Please, just take me back," and I look up, and instead
of seeing somebody wanting judgement, instead of somebody
wanting to educate me on how bad I was,
God is running to me.
It says in the Bible that all heaven rejoices when
we turn around and we accept who we are.
I am a child of God, God is my father,
He wants to help me, He wants to be with me,
so please turn back, God is waiting for you
to turn back. Thanks for joining us
[Music for Credits]